My husband's ex has been bad-mouthing me to him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I'm a stepmom. We actually ended up getting full custody of my stepkids when they were 4 and 7. She had every other weekend and four weeks during the summer but she rarely exercised her visitation time. She saw them a couple of times a year at most and always blamed me. There is absolutely nothing I could have done to have changed the way she felt (and still feels about me). Nothing. I was damned if I did and damned if I didn't. I figured out pretty quickly that focusing on her reactions was a waste of time.

The best advise we ever got from our family therapist was to focus on the type of relationship with want with our kids when they are grown. Well, they are grown. They have almost no relationship at all with their biological mother. They see her once or twice a year at most. They are here just about every time they have a semester break in college. They consider this "home". They refer to me and DH as "my parents". They list me as "mom" on every college form.

She chose to remain angry and vindictive and she alienated her children in the process. We chose the high road (with a lot of help from our therapist and a lot of prayer) and ended up with very solid relationships with all of our children. Don't worry so much about what she says or does. Focus on your little family. Consider her nothing more than an mosquito - annoying, but mostly harmless.

Why did she blame you?

Your post makes me shudder. Are you happy that her children are alienated from her? Do you know how horrible this is for children? How this will affect their entire lives and their relationships with others?

You don't sound like you chose the high road. You sound cruel and vindictive and very pleased with yourself.

There is more to your story than you post here. People don't lose their children for being angry and vindictive. It sounds like you relish in the fact that you have become someone else's children's mother. It makes me sick. If you were a halfway decent person you would be encouraging your stepchildren to reach out and have a relationship with their mother.

You suck.