bf is a mama's boy. help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ah the quintessential man-child. He needs to mature a bit more before he's ready for a relationship. Think cheez-it's commercials. At this rate your role would be to replace or work along side mommy. Trust me you do not want this.

OP here. His mom is also texting him all the time and grills him about every little detail or decision in his life. He doesn't even seem to realize this isn't a problem...

This is just stupid.
As much as I wish I could say "Look at how well he treats his Momma and that is how he will treat you" there is more of a leaning towards her always being 1st, never growing up and putting his wife/kids 1st, etc. Just let this one fizzle, I can't even think of a way to bring it up to him. Prob wouldn't go over well if he "doesnt get it".


My husband flunked the question at our premarital counseling: You are in the plane with your fiancee and mother, there are 2 parachutes and the plane is going down? Who gets the 2 parachutes?
In Christianity, the answer is the fiance and fiancee. My husband was/is not Christian. He said his mother and me, the fiancee. Who knows what she would have answered...!....

In my husband's case he was naive and immature. But got better once married and then had to have a big money talk with his parents once we had kids too (he was overbuying them things and they were trained to have us pay for everything when they visited us or we visited them). He literally had to tell his father that we have big expenses in our young lives and his banker bachelor days of treating Mommy and Daddy to everything are over. So he got better and it clicked. He was not so buddy buddy with his mother as in your case.... He is too private of a person in general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ah the quintessential man-child. He needs to mature a bit more before he's ready for a relationship. Think cheez-it's commercials. At this rate your role would be to replace or work along side mommy. Trust me you do not want this.

OP here. His mom is also texting him all the time and grills him about every little detail or decision in his life. He doesn't even seem to realize this isn't a problem...

I was going to give him a chance, but with this detail? Heck no, move on OP.

Agree. Run for the hills. If you leave and he asks why, be honest.

Their co-dependent relationship will not become easier for you to handle as time passes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the more i am getting to know my bf the more i realize he is a mama's boy. he is a really great guy and treats his family really well but i'm beginning to notice that his mother has almost too strong a grip on him. he is 27 but she still buys him clothes, schedules his haircuts and dentist appointments. when he was getting a new apartment, he even went to see the place with his mother.

i really like him and we have talked about getting serious...its just in the back of my hear, i wonder if she will spell trouble for us down the line. have you had any experience marrying a mama's boy? how is it going?

I don't see a problem with the bolded example. I would want someone older and more experienced concerning life advising me on such a matter. An apartment - whether you rent or you buy - is a big deal.

The remaining examples would give me pause but only because if he's used to having someone do that for him, he might expect you to take over that role as you get more serious in your relationship / get married. I wouldn't want that load on me.

At 27, one should be able to manage securing an apartment on his or her own. Absolutely ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My husband flunked the question at our premarital counseling: You are in the plane with your fiancee and mother, there are 2 parachutes and the plane is going down? Who gets the 2 parachutes?
In Christianity, the answer is the fiance and fiancee. My husband was/is not Christian. He said his mother and me, the fiancee. Who knows what she would have answered...!....

In my husband's case he was naive and immature. But got better once married and then had to have a big money talk with his parents once we had kids too (he was overbuying them things and they were trained to have us pay for everything when they visited us or we visited them). He literally had to tell his father that we have big expenses in our young lives and his banker bachelor days of treating Mommy and Daddy to everything are over. So he got better and it clicked. He was not so buddy buddy with his mother as in your case.... He is too private of a person in general.

Personally I don't think that is failing the question. He wanted to save the people who matter to him. That does not put his mother above you, but he loves her too.

[Anonymous]

It means he gave up his future and his life to save Old Mommy Dearest.

Some cultures (mainly western) want their kid to grow up and leave the nest, start his/her own family. Similarly they don't feel that parents should outlive their offspring.

My mom would have told my husband to shut up, take his parachute and me to take mine and GTH out of the crashing plane and go live your lives well!
What does that say about Old Mommy Dearest who takes the parachute and let's her adult kid die?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It means he gave up his future and his life to save Old Mommy Dearest.

Some cultures (mainly western) want their kid to grow up and leave the nest, start his/her own family. Similarly they don't feel that parents should outlive their offspring.

My mom would have told my husband to shut up, take his parachute and me to take mine and GTH out of the crashing plane and go live your lives well!
What does that say about Old Mommy Dearest who takes the parachute and let's her adult kid die?

But you don't know she would have taken the parachute, you are assuming this to be true. He said what he would have done. I think you are reading a lot more into the question and the answer than can be determined by the facts.

[Anonymous]

Oh please.

That is a very typical question to determine where someone's head is at. Ask any counselor.

But yes, you can sit and say it's a hypothetical question that isn't real. Those types of deadend responses are very telling as well.

[Anonymous]

I am Christian and I have to say you had questionable premarital counseling.

[Anonymous]

Back again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:the more i am getting to know my bf the more i realize he is a mama's boy. he is a really great guy and treats his family really well but i'm beginning to notice that his mother has almost too strong a grip on him. he is 27 but she still buys him clothes, schedules his haircuts and dentist appointments. when he was getting a new apartment, he even went to see the place with his mother.

i really like him and we have talked about getting serious...its just in the back of my hear, i wonder if she will spell trouble for us down the line. have you had any experience marrying a mama's boy? how is it going?

\

Let me guess...he is either Italian, or Jewish. Right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My husband flunked the question at our premarital counseling: You are in the plane with your fiancee and mother, there are 2 parachutes and the plane is going down? Who gets the 2 parachutes?
In Christianity, the answer is the fiance and fiancee. My husband was/is not Christian. He said his mother and me, the fiancee. Who knows what she would have answered...!....

In my husband's case he was naive and immature. But got better once married and then had to have a big money talk with his parents once we had kids too (he was overbuying them things and they were trained to have us pay for everything when they visited us or we visited them). He literally had to tell his father that we have big expenses in our young lives and his banker bachelor days of treating Mommy and Daddy to everything are over. So he got better and it clicked. He was not so buddy buddy with his mother as in your case.... He is too private of a person in general.

Personally I don't think that is failing the question. He wanted to save the people who matter to him. That does not put his mother above you, but he loves her too.

In like 25 years, he will look back and the answer would be "I should have taken both chutes for myself"
J/K

That's a stupid on-the-spot idiotic question that proves nothing anyway

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My husband flunked the question at our premarital counseling: You are in the plane with your fiancee and mother, there are 2 parachutes and the plane is going down? Who gets the 2 parachutes?
In Christianity, the answer is the fiance and fiancee. My husband was/is not Christian. He said his mother and me, the fiancee. Who knows what she would have answered...!....

In my husband's case he was naive and immature. But got better once married and then had to have a big money talk with his parents once we had kids too (he was overbuying them things and they were trained to have us pay for everything when they visited us or we visited them). He literally had to tell his father that we have big expenses in our young lives and his banker bachelor days of treating Mommy and Daddy to everything are over. So he got better and it clicked. He was not so buddy buddy with his mother as in your case.... He is too private of a person in general.

Personally I don't think that is failing the question. He wanted to save the people who matter to him. That does not put his mother above you, but he loves her too.

In like 25 years, he will look back and the answer would be "I should have taken both chutes for myself"
J/K

That's a stupid on-the-spot idiotic question that proves nothing anyway

hahaha

I would be seriously disappointed if DH picked himself over his mother in that scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, set the boundaries, ok, barricades now!

Don safety gear and a helmet. Tell your bf that you find this mothering so emasculating and unattractive.

Do not go further into this relationship until this issue is talked about and resolved.

Don't get involved with his mother. At all. Do not become friends on FB, don't call her, don't ask her for advice, don't establish a relationship with her. Keep her on the fringes.

Is he the oldest or only son, OP?

I have even more to say, but truly I've learned there's something so weird and interconnected with a mom and oldest or only son. Married one.

OP here

He is the only son. He often complains about how his mom is manipulative and emotionally abusive but he still tries very hard to please her.

Yet he takes her apartment hunting, lets her buy his underwear and practically takes him for ice cream after a good check up at the dentist. He doesn't seem all that bothered, IMO

[Anonymous]

Run, OP! If you marry him, his mom will probably be jealous of you. And he'll always be a mama's boy. Unless you want to be married to her too, run away!

[Anonymous]

Male here (a DH)...

run like hell from this pathetic kid, he has the helicopter Mommy from hell and if he can't make his own appointments, buy his own clothes, or get his own apartment without Mommy in tow (or in charge), he sounds like a hopeless case IMO.

Run away... Oy.