bf is a mama's boy. help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, set the boundaries, ok, barricades now!

Don safety gear and a helmet. Tell your bf that you find this mothering so emasculating and unattractive.

Do not go further into this relationship until this issue is talked about and resolved.

Don't get involved with his mother. At all. Do not become friends on FB, don't call her, don't ask her for advice, don't establish a relationship with her. Keep her on the fringes.

Is he the oldest or only son, OP?

I have even more to say, but truly I've learned there's something so weird and interconnected with a mom and oldest or only son. Married one.

Sorry but this is horrible advice. OP- do you really want to spend years trying to change this guy? Here's a newsflash- he WON'T change. Not quickly anyway. And you're 27 and probably thinking about long term commitment and children....

OP- this will be a life-long dynamic. If you're not up for it, break it off. He is who he is. His mom is who she is. You are who you are. If it isn't a good fit, end it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ah the quintessential man-child. He needs to mature a bit more before he's ready for a relationship. Think cheez-it's commercials. At this rate your role would be to replace or work along side mommy. Trust me you do not want this.

OP here. His mom is also texting him all the time and grills him about every little detail or decision in his life. He doesn't even seem to realize this isn't a problem...

I was going to give him a chance, but with this detail? Heck no, move on OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, set the boundaries, ok, barricades now!

Don safety gear and a helmet. Tell your bf that you find this mothering so emasculating and unattractive.

Do not go further into this relationship until this issue is talked about and resolved.

Don't get involved with his mother. At all. Do not become friends on FB, don't call her, don't ask her for advice, don't establish a relationship with her. Keep her on the fringes.

Is he the oldest or only son, OP?

I have even more to say, but truly I've learned there's something so weird and interconnected with a mom and oldest or only son. Married one.

Sorry but this is horrible advice. OP- do you really want to spend years trying to change this guy? Here's a newsflash- he WON'T change. Not quickly anyway. And you're 27 and probably thinking about long term commitment and children....

OP- this will be a life-long dynamic. If you're not up for it, break it off. He is who he is. His mom is who she is. You are who you are. If it isn't a good fit, end it.

Agreed. For the upper most PP that is a terrible dynamic. Keep someone on the fringes? That may work for you, but not healthy for your husband and not fair to his family.

[Anonymous]

My sister married one but she didn't realize until after they married the degree to which his mother ran his life (he was living on his own and had a good job). After they were married her DH and MIL seemed to think it was the DW's job to step in and be his mom. They stayed married way too long IMO. When they finally divorced he moved in with Mommy. I'm sure they will be very happy together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:the more i am getting to know my bf the more i realize he is a mama's boy. he is a really great guy and treats his family really well but i'm beginning to notice that his mother has almost too strong a grip on him. he is 27 but she still buys him clothes, schedules his haircuts and dentist appointments. when he was getting a new apartment, he even went to see the place with his mother.

i really like him and we have talked about getting serious...its just in the back of my hear, i wonder if she will spell trouble for us down the line. have you had any experience marrying a mama's boy? how is it going?

When I was 24 and single, I took my mom to see my new apartment too and my dad helped me move in. I don't see a problem with it.
I also don't see a problem with DH calling his family members every day, but many think it's crazy

I might go against the grain here, but I would recommend getting to know his mother. If she is reasonable, accepting, and kind - I would not worry much, but if she worships your BF, competes with you, and tries to rule your life - run or you'll end up being dragged into constant power struggles.

[Anonymous]

Run! Seriously run! Your heart is telling you something. Listen to it!

Going through a divorce now. We really loved each other but it was never enough with his parents in between.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Run! Seriously run! Your heart is telling you something. Listen to it!

Going through a divorce now. We really loved each other but it was never enough with his parents in between.

Do you have kids together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And I noticed you said "she" will spell trouble over time. She's not the problem - he is. Believe that.

THANK YOU !

[Anonymous]

Don't marry him.

[Anonymous]

Run! You can try talking to him about it, but any adult, male or female, who thinks its normal for a parent to schedule dental and hair appointments is likely beyond changing. You don't want to be the evil person who comes in between the man and his mom, they would both resent you.

There is a similar dynamic between DH's sister and father. She cannot make a decision without talking it over with daddy, calls him first for help when her DH is right there and able to change a tire just as well etc. He loves feeling needed and seems to resent the man who took his baby girl away. I don't understand how the marraige works but I would be shocked if it lasts much longer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ah the quintessential man-child. He needs to mature a bit more before he's ready for a relationship. Think cheez-it's commercials. At this rate your role would be to replace or work along side mommy. Trust me you do not want this.

OP here. His mom is also texting him all the time and grills him about every little detail or decision in his life. He doesn't even seem to realize this isn't a problem...

Try the tough conversation, but this does not bode well at all.

[Anonymous]

As the mother of an only child boy, whom I love more than anything ... oh, please let me not be that kind of mother!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the mother of an only child boy, whom I love more than anything ... oh, please let me not be that kind of mother!!!!!

This is the primary reason I want more kids. MIL put me through the wringer and I am so scared to turn out just like her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the mother of an only child boy, whom I love more than anything ... oh, please let me not be that kind of mother!!!!!

LOL- just cut the apron strings before 27...

[Anonymous]

Get out now!