Mother NEVER Calls Me

[Anonymous]

My grandmother was like this. She expected to always be the recipient and my mother was always the one to call her. In my grandmother's eyes, it was a sign of respect. My mother is kind of like this although if I go long enough without calling, she will pick up the phone and dial me. I don't care one way or the other. If my mother wanted me to be the one to call, I'd call at least once a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I lost a child I think I would be pretty destroyed...

Agree. I think you need to practice some sympathy about that whole situation. Of course she is going to get torn up around the anniversary.

[Anonymous]

Geez, how would YOU feel if you lost one of YOUR children?
Did you ever consider that? Losing a child, even an adult one, is devastating to a mother.

[Anonymous]

My twin died at 6 months old, and my mother NEVER got over that. Every anniversary of his death was a testament to her sadness. It colored my whole life.

Now that I’m older, with a child of my own, I understand her grief.

Get a clue, in this respect, OP. 5 years is not that long.

[Anonymous]

Hey there “Mother NEVER Calls Me”, what have you decided? I’m curious because I’m in that same situation now. My mother and I haven’t spoken in four months. Today is my birthday and I thought for sure she would call me today, on my birthday. Nope, she sent me a birthday card last week with a typed note enclosed stating that she raised me for 18 years and the very least I could do is be the one to ALWAYS initiate the phone calls! She has my two younger sisters trained like that, but I refuse to play those games. I feel that it’s a two way street. Four months ago she texted me stating she noticed we had not spoken to each other in a few weeks. Okay, so why didn’t she just pick up the phone and call? She’s not incapacitated. My three of our four daughters are out of the house now, our youngest is in high school. I would never, never expect my children to initiate every phone call. If I want to talk or vise versa, we pick up the phone and call. I don’t want the added pressure of keeping up with having to be the one who always has to call. And I told my sister (she called me today to say happy bday) that our mother is nuts if she expects me to call her on my birthday so she can wish me happy bday! That’s insane.

Okay, back to my question: a few months have passed since you originally posted here. What did you decide??

[Anonymous]

Oops! A few years I mean!

[Anonymous]

I have a mother with the same issue. Except mine wont even call my child... she will say tell him I said hello. Like your mom everyone thinks my mom is great to us kids and grandkids, but she is not. She is put on and faux. Makes me sick. This is your moms emotional problem -NOT yours. My mom still cries over stuff that happened decades ago, but if I have a need today she yells at me and tells me to get over it. If I told her I was beat up on the street she would reply what did you do to this person to make them hurt you. Oh, and dont get me started on guilt trips. Your smart to distant yourself and set boundaries. That is what I have done and I am a lot happier. I was so close to my dad as well. He is gone. My mom was with another man 12 weeks after my dads death and married and moved 10 hours away. Just remember it is your moms problem and not yours. Best wishes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom never calls me, either, but she has specifically told me it's that she feels I am really busy and she doesn't want to call at an inconvenient time. I've told her she can call whenever she wants but she still doesn't' want to "bother me". She started this when I went back to work FT (she called regularly when I was a SAHM). I realized she's TRYING to be considerate in her own way, although it still annoys me.

+1. OP my mother was like this. It literally started back in college in the days of "I don't want to pay to talk to your roommate, and you're never there." So, that became her excuse for never calling me and waiting for me to call "when I had time to talk."

This went on for 35 years, until she passed away recently at the age of 90.

It always bugged me and she said she would try to do better, but never did. It was something I just had to accept. FWIW, there is nothing in the world I wouldn't give to be able to pick up the phone right now and call her again.

I will say this, though: What your mother and my mother and PP's mother don't understand is that it's hard to have an "adult" relationship with a "child," when the burden is 100% on one party to keep up the connection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK my mom and I are BFFs. We talk/text multiple times a day.

And she NEVER calls me. I always have to initiate calls. A few years ago I realized this and just stopped calling. After a month my dad had an intervention and said how upset my mom was. I decided life was too short and just started calling her again. I know she enjoys me calling, so I just put up with the fact that she won't call me.

I’ve been in the same situation. My mom passed away recently and I regret every call I didn’t make.

[Anonymous]

My Mother lives with me, so she just calls me when it is time take the dog out. This is a sensitive subject. I chose to take care of my Mother...not a popular decision with my siblings. She was fine until she got divorced and fell apart. My Father.is a good man...but he is closer to my sisters as they do not have a relationship with my Mother. I used to have a good relationship with my Father, but it has become uncomfortable , mainly because of one sister.

[Anonymous]

My sister was like this. She never stopped guilting mom, whining and asking for stuff, usually by playing on the "you don't love me enough" heartstrings. Now she's the same w me. I don't look forward to her calls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother and father never called either, we always called her. In fact, when we saw they were calling it was always bad news, so now I have a phobia whenever I see their number. My mother died last March and Dad has been starting to call sometimes and it still freaks me out to see their number on caller ID.

If it is working, keep doing it.

Same here

[Anonymous]

If you want to connect with your mother, call her.

If you don't care about connecting with her, but do care about being "right" and making sure everything is perfectly "fair," don't call her.

Make your choice, own it, live it, and stop complaining, either way.

[Anonymous]

I would be thrilled to only tslk to my mom at times convenient to me and not to have to answer the hone when I’m walking out the door, in a store, etc.

[Anonymous]

It is drama of huge proportion, my aunt who lost an adult son, has become a church hermit. I guess she wasn't like this before his death? As or the phone calls, drama is on you. Call your mother if you want to, who gives a darn if she calls or you?