Family wants to give $ for house down payment- WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell them it's like an investment in the house, and when you sell, you will repay it with a percentage of the gain. Or at least that's how I'd frame it with DH.

I agree with the PP that says it depends on your family. My parents gave me a lot for the down payment but have never mentioned it. We also had enough for 20% down but the extra money from my parents lowered our monthly payments to an amount we were comfortable with.

PP here-- this was 10 years ago too-- so never once have they mentioned it in 10 years. Meanwhile, DH borrowed a small amount from his dad (who is a millionaire) and his dad mentioned it weekly until he was paid back. Of course we already knew this about DH's father and I would never take a penny from him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband does not want to take it because it makes him feel like he is incapable of properly caring for you can the kids. It makes him feel like less of a man to have to rely on your parents for help. With that said, I would take it anyway. It will give your entire family a better life. Just give your husband more TLC and ego strokes and make your life easier.

OP here- I appreciate this comment, I have been struggling to understand why he would feel the way he does. That explanation makes a lot of sense. He just says that we make good money and don't need help.

Tell him to get over himself. This area is very expensive and you need to take the money for a better quality of life. You're fortunate; most ppl will never have this kind of assistance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take the money and treat it as part of your inheritance. It can be very satisfying to your parents to know they can help out while the are alive to see the impact of their $$. Plus there can be tax advantages to giving you money slowly over years as opposed to a lump sum.

OP here, this my parent's intention. I assume their will would just say to deduct that amount once it came time to divide up their assets.

If it doesn't and the same offer wasn't made to your siblings, it could cause a lot of bad feelings.

OP here- They are younger than me and not looking to buy yet. One sibling has received a lot of support (as it should be!) since she has struggled with mental health issues since her early 20s. Thank you though, I wonder if there would be a way to head this off with them?

There is. I highly recommend the book, Beyond the Grave. It was written by a long-time estate attorney (now deceased) and his son. It goes over each type of scenario and the repercussions of making various decisions, however well-meaning. I gave it to my parents before they met with an estate attorney to draw up their trust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take the money and treat it as part of your inheritance. It can be very satisfying to your parents to know they can help out while the are alive to see the impact of their $$. Plus there can be tax advantages to giving you money slowly over years as opposed to a lump sum.

OP here, this my parent's intention. I assume their will would just say to deduct that amount once it came time to divide up their assets.

H's parents did this for us and documented it so his sibling would get the same in the future. My parents also gave us money, but at the same time gifted my sibling the same amount as he was also buying a house.

My mom said she'd rather see us happily using the money now than after she's dead and has no idea what we did with it. As far as the ILs, they received substantial help in all their home purchases from MIL's parents. We received no help for our first home down payment and the help this time amounted to about 1/3 of our downpayment.