Family wants to give $ for house down payment- WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are your parents going to hold it over your heads or expect to weigh in on the house? If not tell your husband the money is for the children to enjoy a new house.

This. I'd accept this gift from some relatives, but not all.

[Anonymous]

Take the money and say thank you. If they are the type to hold it over your head, don't take the money. I do feel this is a joint decision between you and your husband. It is not just your husband's choice to make. I hope he changes his mind for you and your family. Discuss it as a gift from your parents to your children. If they offered to help with your child's college fund, would he refuse that? This money will allow you and your husband to spend more quality time with your kids. (less commute/less stress)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take the money and treat it as part of your inheritance. It can be very satisfying to your parents to know they can help out while the are alive to see the impact of their $$. Plus there can be tax advantages to giving you money slowly over years as opposed to a lump sum.

OP here, this my parent's intention. I assume their will would just say to deduct that amount once it came time to divide up their assets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are your parents going to hold it over your heads or expect to weigh in on the house? If not tell your husband the money is for the children to enjoy a new house.

This. I'd accept this gift from some relatives, but not all.

I don't think they would, they are very low key. I think they just know how expensive real estate is (they live in high COL place too) and would like to help.

Without getting too specific, we also recently found out of youngest child has a rare, sometimes fatal condition, I think they are trying to reduce our stress over housing/schools since we have a lot of stress elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are your parents going to hold it over your heads or expect to weigh in on the house? If not tell your husband the money is for the children to enjoy a new house.

This. I'd accept this gift from some relatives, but not all.

I don't think they would, they are very low key. I think they just know how expensive real estate is (they live in high COL place too) and would like to help.

Without getting too specific, we also recently found out of youngest child has a rare, sometimes fatal condition, I think they are trying to reduce our stress over housing/schools since we have a lot of stress elsewhere.

Sorry, forgot to say that was the OP talking!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take the money and treat it as part of your inheritance. It can be very satisfying to your parents to know they can help out while the are alive to see the impact of their $$. Plus there can be tax advantages to giving you money slowly over years as opposed to a lump sum.

OP here, this my parent's intention. I assume their will would just say to deduct that amount once it came time to divide up their assets.

If it doesn't and the same offer wasn't made to your siblings, it could cause a lot of bad feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take the money and treat it as part of your inheritance. It can be very satisfying to your parents to know they can help out while the are alive to see the impact of their $$. Plus there can be tax advantages to giving you money slowly over years as opposed to a lump sum.

OP here, this my parent's intention. I assume their will would just say to deduct that amount once it came time to divide up their assets.

If it doesn't and the same offer wasn't made to your siblings, it could cause a lot of bad feelings.

OP here- They are younger than me and not looking to buy yet. One sibling has received a lot of support (as it should be!) since she has struggled with mental health issues since her early 20s. Thank you though, I wonder if there would be a way to head this off with them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have been living in a small 2-bedroom for the past several years. We have two kids and are starting to look into buying a bigger house. Prices are just crazy in our DC neighborhood!

My parents have offered to give us a significant amount of money for a down payment. It would make getting into a good neighborhood do-able. My DH does not want to take the money. (He is very uncomfortable getting any money from other people.)

What would you do? Take the money and be able to buy a place with good schools, etc.? Or skip it and have a long commute and/or be in not-so-safe neighborhood? Feeling very torn...

Would your DH feel differently if it were his family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband does not want to take it because it makes him feel like he is incapable of properly caring for you can the kids. It makes him feel like less of a man to have to rely on your parents for help. With that said, I would take it anyway. It will give your entire family a better life. Just give your husband more TLC and ego strokes and make your life easier.

OP here- I appreciate this comment, I have been struggling to understand why he would feel the way he does. That explanation makes a lot of sense. He just says that we make good money and don't need help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have been living in a small 2-bedroom for the past several years. We have two kids and are starting to look into buying a bigger house. Prices are just crazy in our DC neighborhood!

My parents have offered to give us a significant amount of money for a down payment. It would make getting into a good neighborhood do-able. My DH does not want to take the money. (He is very uncomfortable getting any money from other people.)

What would you do? Take the money and be able to buy a place with good schools, etc.? Or skip it and have a long commute and/or be in not-so-safe neighborhood? Feeling very torn...

Would your DH feel differently if it were his family?

OP again- I don't think so. His parents have actually mentioned selling one of their houses to give us money too and he reacted the same way.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the type of people your parents are. I would never but that's because my parents keep tabs on everything and everything has strings attached. But that's just them and I'm sure there are parents out there who want to help out the kids without expecting something in return.

[Anonymous]

depends on the parents. my parents truly give money with no strings attached. MIL- forget about it. she gave dh some money for our down payment and i'm very, very, very worried that she will hold it over our heads when we do pull the trigger and buy. as in- "you better have a bedroom for me....since i helped you all out."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take the money and treat it as part of your inheritance. It can be very satisfying to your parents to know they can help out while the are alive to see the impact of their $$. Plus there can be tax advantages to giving you money slowly over years as opposed to a lump sum.

+1 what is the point of waiting to get the money until they die (hopefully not for a long time)

[Anonymous]

I agree with you husband.

In life, there is usually a price tag attached with everything and this your husband probably knows from personal experience.

You just never get something for nothing. Life doesn't work that way.

If you both accept this money, your family will automatically have a hold on you that will feel like a power trip.

I say decline the money.

[Anonymous]

Tell them it's like an investment in the house, and when you sell, you will repay it with a percentage of the gain. Or at least that's how I'd frame it with DH.

I agree with the PP that says it depends on your family. My parents gave me a lot for the down payment but have never mentioned it. We also had enough for 20% down but the extra money from my parents lowered our monthly payments to an amount we were comfortable with.