MIL staying over, what would you think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's say you're a WAHM and your regular nanny is out of town. Your grandkid-crazy MIL offered to come and watch your kids for a few days. You offer to pay her, she refuses, offended by the idea.

While she is staying with you, you prep all the meals, breakfast, lunch and dinner for the family. But she doesn't lift a finger to do any clean-up or help in meal preparation. And while she picks up toys that are strewn about, she does not do any general light housekeeping of any sort. In the evenings, after you prepare dinner for everyone, and everyone eats, you are in the kitchen, cleaning up the table, dishes and kitchen, while she relaxes on the couch.

Would you think it odd that your MIL doesn't offer any help with meals or clean up, or would you think that's normal, considering she is taking care of the kids for most of the day?

She isn't your nanny. She's family and is helping you during the day. Yes, it would be nice if she helped, but I would hope you'd tell her to please relax as she has already helped you so much during the day while you were working. She is still a guest in your home who is helping you out. The fact that she loves her grandkids doesn't make it any less work for her or any less help to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who knows. If you need help, either ask for it or just do it. Some people aren't good at knowing what to do without instructions. And some people don't want to over step boundaries. MILs seem damned if they do, damned if they don't.

OP, be honest. If your MIL pitched in, you'd complain that she was putting things away incorrectly, doing everything differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother visits a few times a year. She does school drop off and pick-up, cooks dinner during the week, grocery shops, cleans and does laundry. It is AMAZING.

I think most moms/MILs are somewhere between our two ends of the spectrum OP.

I'm so so jealous, but happy for you.

[Anonymous]

My dad is our full time childcare and I don't expect him to do any housework, though if there is something I need help with he will usually do it if I ask.

[Anonymous]

She's older. She has less energy.

She may not have anticipated the full-range of "help" you were expecting. Maybe your standards are higher than hers.
Just a miss-cue. Don't dwell on it (like being on the internet talking about it!!)

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't expect her to lift a finger other than the child care. She must be exhausted after a day with your kid(s). You'll understand when you are 20 years older...

[Anonymous]

Even nannies don't clean and cook etc. They will only clean and pick up what has been specified. And they are paid.

OP, you are out of line here.

[Anonymous]

You'll need her help again down the road, so make her visits to help wonderful for her. (good dinners, no clean up, etc). I used to have an awful time getting backup help when my children were young. You are lucky to have her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would think watching the kids and picking up toys is plenty. It's tiring for an older person to watch two kids. Heck it's tiring even for me to be alone with my kids all day. I would love to have a grandparent as helpful as yours.

This!

Sorry OP, but your MIL is watching the kids and picking up toys?? That is PLENTY. She's watching your two kids, for crying out loud. You're totally out of line in expecting her to clean up after dinner.

+1

[Anonymous]

It's fine, OP.
She's on the couch, not up in your business.
Plus she offered to watch your kids for free.
Don't see what's wrong, honestly.

[Anonymous]

Wait, did your MIL volunteer to watch the kids or to be your maid? It seems you were expecting her to do both. When the nanny is here, I pay her to do everything related to my child. When my mom watches my daughter, I only expect her to watch my daughter, play with her, read her a book and things like that. Nothing else.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Part of the confusion lies in the fact that my MIL is someone who always talks about how she only needs 4hrs of sleep a day, gets up at 5a every morning, never naps, and is go go go all day, and has an endless well of energy. She talks about how she goes on 3 hour hikes on the weekends, works out at the gym, etc. She thinks people who sleep 8 hrs are lazy. (Both my husband and I slept 8hrs/night before we had kids). She claims to never get tired. Once I suggested she take a nap during the day, because she was telling me how she only slept 3 hours the previous night, and she made a face at me like I was crazy and said, "HA! Who me? Nap? No I NEVER nap."

Today, I checked in on her twice to see if she needed a break and she swore up and down that she wasn't tired AT ALL, the kids are easy, etc, etc.

I think that she is in fact tired, but tries really hard to hide it and is too prideful to say anything. She probably can't do as much as she used to, but she will never admit it. It's part of how she is.

Anyway, we took her out to dinner tonight, and I told her how much we appreciate all her help. AND no cooking, no cleanup, win-win

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's say you're a WAHM and your regular nanny is out of town. Your grandkid-crazy MIL offered to come and watch your kids for a few days. You offer to pay her, she refuses, offended by the idea.

While she is staying with you, you prep all the meals, breakfast, lunch and dinner for the family. But she doesn't lift a finger to do any clean-up or help in meal preparation. And while she picks up toys that are strewn about, she does not do any general light housekeeping of any sort. In the evenings, after you prepare dinner for everyone, and everyone eats, you are in the kitchen, cleaning up the table, dishes and kitchen, while she relaxes on the couch.

Would you think it odd that your MIL doesn't offer any help with meals or clean up, or would you think that's normal, considering she is taking care of the kids for most of the day?

Normal, and I would be grateful she was there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Part of the confusion lies in the fact that my MIL is someone who always talks about how she only needs 4hrs of sleep a day, gets up at 5a every morning, never naps, and is go go go all day, and has an endless well of energy. She talks about how she goes on 3 hour hikes on the weekends, works out at the gym, etc. She thinks people who sleep 8 hrs are lazy. (Both my husband and I slept 8hrs/night before we had kids). She claims to never get tired. Once I suggested she take a nap during the day, because she was telling me how she only slept 3 hours the previous night, and she made a face at me like I was crazy and said, "HA! Who me? Nap? No I NEVER nap."

Today, I checked in on her twice to see if she needed a break and she swore up and down that she wasn't tired AT ALL, the kids are easy, etc, etc.

I think that she is in fact tired, but tries really hard to hide it and is too prideful to say anything. She probably can't do as much as she used to, but she will never admit it. It's part of how she is.

Anyway, we took her out to dinner tonight, and I told her how much we appreciate all her help. AND no cooking, no cleanup, win-win

Watching kids is a lot more draining for older people than doing activities of their choosing. The hikes invigorate her while chasing little kids could really wear her out.

[Anonymous]

I would think she should offer to help. That is good manners. I would take the money you are saving on a nanny and use a cleaning lady next time.

By the way unanimous vote on DCUM is that guest at your house can do whatever they want, need to be catered to and do not have help yo what-so-ever. I disagree!