MIL staying over, what would you think?

[Anonymous]

My MIL does this. Actually, she's not allowed to watch our son any more when the nanny is off because she can't follow simple directions like "bring a bottle with you when you go out" or "offer him snacks". I told my husband no more.

Mine doesn't lift a finger to help herself, making it more work for me. She's really not doing me a favor watching my son. She asks to do it and my son makes me feel bad for saying no. So she sleeps on our sofa and leaves her containers of eaten yogurt in our sink all day.

If your MIL is actually helping you with your child, that's different. Mine doesn't at this point.

[Anonymous]

You have no idea how lucky you are, OP. Kids are safe and happy?

[Anonymous]

OP here. It was a sincere, curious question. I am more puzzled by her not offering to help, because I can't imagine doing the same, but I'm not annoyed. I'm grateful she can help with the kids.

My husband often works long hours. Last night he was passed out on the couch after dinner because he was exhausted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would think watching the kids and picking up toys is plenty. It's tiring for an older person to watch two kids. Heck it's tiring even for me to be alone with my kids all day. I would love to have a grandparent as helpful as yours.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL does this. Actually, she's not allowed to watch our son any more when the nanny is off because she can't follow simple directions like "bring a bottle with you when you go out" or "offer him snacks". I told my husband no more.

Mine doesn't lift a finger to help herself, making it more work for me. She's really not doing me a favor watching my son. She asks to do it and my son makes me feel bad for saying no. So she sleeps on our sofa and leaves her containers of eaten yogurt in our sink all day.

If your MIL is actually helping you with your child, that's different. Mine doesn't at this point.

I should also say that I don't expect anyone to do housework - our nanny does not do housework or cook for us or anything. But she cleans up after herself. My mother would visit and put her used glass in the dishwasher. It's not that difficult. My MIL just leaves her stuff on the counter. It bothers me, personally, because she's making my life more difficult when she visits. If she were legitimately doing me a favor by watching my child, it would be different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It was a sincere, curious question. I am more puzzled by her not offering to help, because I can't imagine doing the same, but I'm not annoyed. I'm grateful she can help with the kids.

My husband often works long hours. Last night he was passed out on the couch after dinner because he was exhausted.

So both your husband and your MIL were passed out on the couch after dinner, exhausted? No big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It was a sincere, curious question. I am more puzzled by her not offering to help, because I can't imagine doing the same, but I'm not annoyed. I'm grateful she can help with the kids.

My husband often works long hours. Last night he was passed out on the couch after dinner because he was exhausted.

Your mother-in-law is also working long hours, and she is older than your husband. What's more, she's a guest, whereas your husband isn't.

[Anonymous]

Annoying--but she also isn't the nanny. I imagine it would have been easier if you weren't in the house, as she would have been forced to then prepare lunch and more likely to clean it up.

But she's ultimately doing you a favor, not replacing the nanny in all her duties, and she's probably more tired than she's letting on. Say something really nice to your nanny about what a good job she does when you get back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It was a sincere, curious question. I am more puzzled by her not offering to help, because I can't imagine doing the same, but I'm not annoyed. I'm grateful she can help with the kids.

My husband often works long hours. Last night he was passed out on the couch after dinner because he was exhausted.

My MIL comes into town and offers to watch our LO when daycare is closed and I WAH, then proceeds to sleep in until 10 am. You've got it good, be appreciative.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thanks for the reality check, everyone. I should be thankful, she loves the kids, what more could I ask for?

I was asking because it seemed odd to me at the time, almost seemed like something was wrong. I thought maybe she felt taken for granted, or was depressed or something, because she's normally a type A personality, generous to a fault, boasts how she doesn't run out of energy and is used to being up on her feet all day. I think that maybe she is more tired than she is letting on.

I'm going to tell her how much I appreciate all her help tonight.

[Anonymous]

I think it's strange. I've been in a similar situation and my MIL insisted on helping. I'm surprised you didn't even get a half-hearted offer to help out with cleaning/cooking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks for the reality check, everyone. I should be thankful, she loves the kids, what more could I ask for?

I was asking because it seemed odd to me at the time, almost seemed like something was wrong. I thought maybe she felt taken for granted, or was depressed or something, because she's normally a type A personality, generous to a fault, boasts how she doesn't run out of energy and is used to being up on her feet all day. I think that maybe she is more tired than she is letting on.

I'm going to tell her how much I appreciate all her help tonight.

That's the way to go, OP.

On the days that I stay home with my two kids, I am exhausted! I would love nothing more than to pass out on the couch. And, I'm only 40. I can't imagine how exhausting it would be at age 60.

It's nice that she's willing to help you as much as she is. Leave it at that.

[Anonymous]

My MIL would do this. In fact, she did something similar 2 weeks after I had a c section. Didn't faze me, it's just who she is.

[Anonymous]

My mother visits a few times a year. She does school drop off and pick-up, cooks dinner during the week, grocery shops, cleans and does laundry. It is AMAZING.

I think most moms/MILs are somewhere between our two ends of the spectrum OP.

[Anonymous]

I'm a MIL that went above and beyond what was expected of me and I still got called names behind my back so now I do the minimal required which is nothing then I leave.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't so f it, I don't anymore.