I don't want to do a beach house with my extended family

[Anonymous]

You have made every excuse why you do not want to go on this free vacation (nanny, camp, cranky DH and Dad's new wife). Please stay home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad pays for the house, so my siblings are very aggressive about finding a date and finding a house. I feel bad, because the cousins have fun together and 3 of my 4 kids like it and it's important to my dad, who has had some recent health issues and I know wants to spend time with grand kids. But, it's always a tough week. My dads wife is high maintenance. My husband doesn't get along with one of my brothers. I have a 1 year old, and the house is never quiet enough for naps. I also have the oldest cousin (11) and he is always so bored (next oldest is 7) and so I let him use the iPad, and then my sister complains that he is setting a bad example with so much screentime.
I just don't want to go.
And they just complained that I was being too difficult with dates, but my older kids (11 and 7) have 2 or 3 week long camps that they love and don't want to skip, and I hate to make them skip for this not- fun week.
Also, there won't be room for my nanny, and I will have to pay her anyway, and given the large age gap with my kids (11,7 and then 3 and 1), I really rely on her because we tag team and trade off big kids and little kids.
Oh, and I am low on leave at work.
But I feel guilty.

It does not sound like it will work out. Camp is important and the weeks are not really flexible for many camps.

Camp is more important than seeing family???

Not OP here. Camp is extremely expensive in this area, and they book earlier than most rentals. DH always gets peeved at MIL because she books last minute to save a few pennies. We lose out on a ton of camp tuition, otherwise, we would gladly pitch in more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op,
Stop feeling guilty and skip it one year and reevaluate. I can't get over the posters who are making it sound like you are abusing your children by not taking them. Just because your kids enjoy it doesn't mean you have to make it work every year.

I'm a bit put off that it seems you have the largest brood thus more complications and your family seems to ignore your needs.

I couldn't stand being trapped in one house with the different personalities. The family member who gets upset about your older dc playing on the ipad needs to be told to mind her own business. She is trying to control your child and those decisions are entirely your own.

Why do people with more kids take priority over people with fewer kids? When you decide to have multiple children, then complicated schedules kind of go along with the package.

Weighing in on this point. I agree 100%. Because you have more kids, or any kids, does not give you any more right to accommodations. You can choose to negotiate or ultimately decide a situation does not work for your family and bow out, but the world does not to compromise because of your family structure.

It depends on the genders of the children. OP should get exactly what the other (older) nieces/nephews, grandchildren, cousins got for accommodations. This includes taking gender into account! If same sex did not sleep together after a certain age, no one can expect same sex to sleep together now, either. Its all well and good to rent a house for everyone, provided there actually exists space for everyone. Otherwise, it is as if you are telling a party or two to stay home. In which case, save me the travel, time, expenses, camp, aggravation, etc. and tell me to stay home. My vacation time is precious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you need a nanny on vacation? Shorten the trip to 4 days and everyone should be happy. Blame it on work.

I need a nanny on vacation so that I can have a vacation too. I want to read a book on the porch overlooking the ocean for an hour while someone else deals with my four year old not wanting to get dressed, and my 3 year old begging to bake. I want to color with my four year old without the 3 yr old walking on our papers and ripping crayons out of our hands. I want a picnic on the beach with DH without yelling at anyone about going too far or throwing sand or hearing complaints about the food.

I am the OP and I did not write the above.
As you can imagine, with 4 kids I don't read a book for an hour overlooking the ocean. Ever. The nanny allows me to spend time with the kids individually or in pairs. Sometimes, I feel the baby is neglected, as age just gets dragged around to big kid activities. Sometimes, I feel the 11 year old is neglected, as he is old enough to not "need" us. Love having the nanny enable some more individual attention.
I think I may go for half the week with half the kids.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for clarifying OP.

[Anonymous]

OP, "low on leave" means you have a perfectly legitimate reason to skip this year or shorten the time and cut back on a different visit--see your side of the family this year in a way your leave allows that you most enjoy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op,
Stop feeling guilty and skip it one year and reevaluate. I can't get over the posters who are making it sound like you are abusing your children by not taking them. Just because your kids enjoy it doesn't mean you have to make it work every year.

I'm a bit put off that it seems you have the largest brood thus more complications and your family seems to ignore your needs.

I couldn't stand being trapped in one house with the different personalities. The family member who gets upset about your older dc playing on the ipad needs to be told to mind her own business. She is trying to control your child and those decisions are entirely your own.

+1 on skipping it one year. We are doing the same, and skipping this year. It isn't the end of the world. Our younger child is ASD, and long travel plus the dynamic of 10+kids doesn't work well for him. My older one loves to spend time with the cousins, and that is the only reason we might send older DC alone instead of skipping altogether. Not everyone needs to go every year.

[Anonymous]

OP here. This thread was actually helpful. Thanks.
by writing this and reading the responses i came to realize that my sister criticizing the screentime really annoyed the shit out of me and was one of the big factors making me resentful. And that is just stupid. I should just ignore her. He's a tremendously smart straight A student and is very active in sports - some iPad time in a group house of small kids is fine, and she should shut up.
I am thinking I will go for most of the week, maybe Tuesday night so I can work Monday and Tuesday, and bring the 3 and 7 year olds, who really get the most out of the cousin time. Then I will see if I can convince DH to come Thursday-Saturday with the other 2 kids to join us.
There is a sports camp that week the 11 year old wants to do - for his favorite sport, that he tries very hard to excel at. (He's super smart but not super naturally athletic - but he tries really hard, and that is one of the reasons the camp is important)
The family will certainly balk at this camp taking precedence over the beach week - but they have small kids so they just don't get it.
So I will just ignore.
Thanks all!

[Anonymous]

Op, can other people hear the screen time activities? Or do they have to see the flashing tv screen etc? It is a valid complaint if they want to enjoy the sound of the waves or talk to each other and instead the tv is blaring and the ipad is making annoying noises.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is not a brat. Wish I would have objected to these nightmare trips years ago.

+1

No kidding.

Ours is just my in-laws, one child, me and DH and I want to stop them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, "low on leave" means you have a perfectly legitimate reason to skip this year or shorten the time and cut back on a different visit--see your side of the family this year in a way your leave allows that you most enjoy.

+1

Good God. "Vacation from hell week" is the last place I want to see my inlaws. We have camp paid for, limited vacation time, and other places we prefer. Not to mention, the ILs don't talk to each other, anyway. What's the point??!!