I don't want to do a beach house with my extended family

[Anonymous]

OP, you glossed over the fact, as did many responders, that this is important to your dad and he has had health issues.

This cannot be about you. Think about what your dad means to you, maybe he went on family vacations you have fond memories of but was not fun for him, or any other thing he does for you, and go

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if somebody already suggested this, but why not leave the 11 and 1 year old at home w/ DH and you go with the 7 and 3 year old. Problem solved...

P.S. nanny can stay at home helping DH w/ 1 year old, so you're getting your money's worth.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op,
Stop feeling guilty and skip it one year and reevaluate. I can't get over the posters who are making it sound like you are abusing your children by not taking them. Just because your kids enjoy it doesn't mean you have to make it work every year.

I'm a bit put off that it seems you have the largest brood thus more complications and your family seems to ignore your needs.

I couldn't stand being trapped in one house with the different personalities. The family member who gets upset about your older dc playing on the ipad needs to be told to mind her own business. She is trying to control your child and those decisions are entirely your own.

Why do people with more kids take priority over people with fewer kids? When you decide to have multiple children, then complicated schedules kind of go along with the package.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Low leave at work" -- that's all the excuse you need and you don't need to feel guilty. You need to stockpile some leave in case of an emergency. Just tell your family that you can't do it this year. Invite your dad over for a weekend. Promise to go next year.

This. Too many personalities under one roof even if it is family; not worth it. And getting together with your dad at a different time would still be nice.

This x 2 but don't promise to go next year if you don't want to go this year. Just try to visit dad with the kids another time.

[Anonymous]

Why do you need a nanny on vacation? Shorten the trip to 4 days and everyone should be happy. Blame it on work.

[Anonymous]

My dad's going to die this week, OP. The memories with your dad are important. Rent a house nearby if you can.

[Anonymous]

OP Wait and see when the week is. You can always say you can't get off work. The spread of your family is difficult -- you have active older kids and younger kids also. I think you have gotten good advice to send the older ones. You might find that with all those children you do not spend that much quality time with your dad anyway. maybe visit another time. if the sibs are not helping you with childcare, then it will be a big strain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you need a nanny on vacation? Shorten the trip to 4 days and everyone should be happy. Blame it on work.

Stop telling her what she needs. It annoys the crisp out of me to have pay my nanny when she isn't working as well.

Go shop for groceries. Pay for them. Then leave them at the store. Happy?


Everyone is supposed to put on dates that work for them. oP did that and U.S. getting grief. Wtf is that about? and if she normally travels with her nanny then her travel needs/sleeping accommodation needs include the nanny. It's not for anyone else to make that call. Dad can disinvite them if he wants.

[Anonymous]

Families are annoying. It's okay.

I'd still go because the intangible benefits are there and worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad pays for the house, so my siblings are very aggressive about finding a date and finding a house. I feel bad, because the cousins have fun together and 3 of my 4 kids like it and it's important to my dad, who has had some recent health issues and I know wants to spend time with grand kids. But, it's always a tough week. My dads wife is high maintenance. My husband doesn't get along with one of my brothers. I have a 1 year old, and the house is never quiet enough for naps. I also have the oldest cousin (11) and he is always so bored (next oldest is 7) and so I let him use the iPad, and then my sister complains that he is setting a bad example with so much screentime.
I just don't want to go.
And they just complained that I was being too difficult with dates, but my older kids (11 and 7) have 2 or 3 week long camps that they love and don't want to skip, and I hate to make them skip for this not- fun week.
Also, there won't be room for my nanny, and I will have to pay her anyway, and given the large age gap with my kids (11,7 and then 3 and 1), I really rely on her because we tag team and trade off big kids and little kids.
Oh, and I am low on leave at work.
But I feel guilty.

It does not sound like it will work out. Camp is important and the weeks are not really flexible for many camps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op,
Stop feeling guilty and skip it one year and reevaluate. I can't get over the posters who are making it sound like you are abusing your children by not taking them. Just because your kids enjoy it doesn't mean you have to make it work every year.

I'm a bit put off that it seems you have the largest brood thus more complications and your family seems to ignore your needs.

I couldn't stand being trapped in one house with the different personalities. The family member who gets upset about your older dc playing on the ipad needs to be told to mind her own business. She is trying to control your child and those decisions are entirely your own.

Why do people with more kids take priority over people with fewer kids? When you decide to have multiple children, then complicated schedules kind of go along with the package.

Weighing in on this point. I agree 100%. Because you have more kids, or any kids, does not give you any more right to accommodations. You can choose to negotiate or ultimately decide a situation does not work for your family and bow out, but the world does not to compromise because of your family structure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you need a nanny on vacation? Shorten the trip to 4 days and everyone should be happy. Blame it on work.

I need a nanny on vacation so that I can have a vacation too. I want to read a book on the porch overlooking the ocean for an hour while someone else deals with my four year old not wanting to get dressed, and my 3 year old begging to bake. I want to color with my four year old without the 3 yr old walking on our papers and ripping crayons out of our hands. I want a picnic on the beach with DH without yelling at anyone about going too far or throwing sand or hearing complaints about the food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad pays for the house, so my siblings are very aggressive about finding a date and finding a house. I feel bad, because the cousins have fun together and 3 of my 4 kids like it and it's important to my dad, who has had some recent health issues and I know wants to spend time with grand kids. But, it's always a tough week. My dads wife is high maintenance. My husband doesn't get along with one of my brothers. I have a 1 year old, and the house is never quiet enough for naps. I also have the oldest cousin (11) and he is always so bored (next oldest is 7) and so I let him use the iPad, and then my sister complains that he is setting a bad example with so much screentime.
I just don't want to go.
And they just complained that I was being too difficult with dates, but my older kids (11 and 7) have 2 or 3 week long camps that they love and don't want to skip, and I hate to make them skip for this not- fun week.
Also, there won't be room for my nanny, and I will have to pay her anyway, and given the large age gap with my kids (11,7 and then 3 and 1), I really rely on her because we tag team and trade off big kids and little kids.
Oh, and I am low on leave at work.
But I feel guilty.

It does not sound like it will work out. Camp is important and the weeks are not really flexible for many camps.

Camp is more important than seeing family???

[Anonymous]

I must live in a different world because I can't imagine needing-or wanting-a nanny on vacation with dh and kids. I want the time with my family!

OP, you have two kids old enough to be helping you with the littles. You have dh too. Pack those kids up and all of you get out to the beach for the day. Wear them out, come home and you can get some adult time after they are conked out.

I have several kids in a large age span-trust me this works!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I must live in a different world because I can't imagine needing-or wanting-a nanny on vacation with dh and kids. I want the time with my family!

OP, you have two kids old enough to be helping you with the littles. You have dh too. Pack those kids up and all of you get out to the beach for the day. Wear them out, come home and you can get some adult time after they are conked out.

I have several kids in a large age span-trust me this works!

In this area, it seems four kids is some kind of tipping point. A nanny is NEEDED or the parents can't manage.