I don't want to do a beach house with my extended family

[Anonymous]

My dad pays for the house, so my siblings are very aggressive about finding a date and finding a house. I feel bad, because the cousins have fun together and 3 of my 4 kids like it and it's important to my dad, who has had some recent health issues and I know wants to spend time with grand kids. But, it's always a tough week. My dads wife is high maintenance. My husband doesn't get along with one of my brothers. I have a 1 year old, and the house is never quiet enough for naps. I also have the oldest cousin (11) and he is always so bored (next oldest is 7) and so I let him use the iPad, and then my sister complains that he is setting a bad example with so much screentime.
I just don't want to go.
And they just complained that I was being too difficult with dates, but my older kids (11 and 7) have 2 or 3 week long camps that they love and don't want to skip, and I hate to make them skip for this not- fun week.
Also, there won't be room for my nanny, and I will have to pay her anyway, and given the large age gap with my kids (11,7 and then 3 and 1), I really rely on her because we tag team and trade off big kids and little kids.
Oh, and I am low on leave at work.
But I feel guilty.

[Anonymous]

Get a house close by. Or find a duplex type set up to rent.

[Anonymous]

Rent a nearby house for just your family. Problem solved!

[Anonymous]

Send the older kids without you.

[Anonymous]

PP this would not be tolerated. They still need supervision, and no one would be willing to
provide that.

[Anonymous]

"Low leave at work" -- that's all the excuse you need and you don't need to feel guilty. You need to stockpile some leave in case of an emergency. Just tell your family that you can't do it this year. Invite your dad over for a weekend. Promise to go next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Send the older kids without you.

Or leave the one year old with the nanny.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's family. You say that 3 out of 4 of your children like it, and I assume the fourth is the baby. You need to make the week happen.

If it means sending the older children with your DH, or all going to making DH responsible for the 3 year old or the 1 year old while you take the other, or some other way, then it will work out.

[Anonymous]

Get a hotel room for the nanny and ask if she'd be ok having the one year old nap there. iPad is fine during the summer for that situation. Why do you need a nanny with your husband and other adults there? Give her the week off. Your husband can take the one year old for a drive and sleep in the car. Then they both get a break. Or, you escape by doing a special day with the oldest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Low leave at work" -- that's all the excuse you need and you don't need to feel guilty. You need to stockpile some leave in case of an emergency. Just tell your family that you can't do it this year. Invite your dad over for a weekend. Promise to go next year.

This. Too many personalities under one roof even if it is family; not worth it. And getting together with your dad at a different time would still be nice.

[Anonymous]

Which could doesn't like to go, the oldest?

Leave the baby and any other kid who doesn't want to go home with the nanny and maybe your husband if he doesn't want to go. Your and take the kids who want to go.

I think given your dad's health issues and the cousins getting to know each you should go for at least a few days.

Also consider renting a separate place.

[Anonymous]

I have fond memories of the weeks we would spend at my grandmother's in the summer, with the rest of the cousins. I'm glad my parents made those trips happen, even if they didn't enjoy it as much as we did.

[Anonymous]

Find a nearby house or condo or hotel to stay in. Spend the days together at the beach. Do a couple of meals at the main house with everyone.

[Anonymous]

I hear you, OP. MIL does that every year, and the ILs basically ignore us the whole time. They don't care when we are available. Whatever. Glad I can never get that week back, and the kids again lost a week of camp that is not cheap, either. And DH is not close to any of them, as they make no effort. But yeah, thanks.

OP, if you go, bring the nanny. Can you rent your own place? Can you go for just part of the week? If you are close to your dad, go. If not, maybe reconsider.

Your post makes me dread the ILs "vacation". UGH.

[Anonymous]

OMG OP you are a brat. Do you hear yourself..this is for your kids..not for you. Grow up! God I wish my kids had more cousins their age, this is priceless. Your dad is not well and you are being this much a princess. For the love of god, pull it together. If you can't be in the house at least get a hotel.