I am a lesbian in a same-sex marriage raising my 'nuclear family' AMA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Given the high rate of breakups in Lesbian relationships, are you concerned about the longevity of your marriage?

Hmmm... I've yet to have seen those statistics. I have seen the one about heterosexual divorce rates though. Yikes!


Every relationship takes work. Do I have concerns about my marriage at times, yes. Do I look at the statistics? No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you use IVF or AI to conceive? Surrogate? Adopt?

Artificial insemination by a known donor

I carried the oldest and the youngest. My wife carried the five-year-old (and she hated being pregnant).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you manage the division of labor, prioritizing careers, etc? Do you feel it is easier for you than hetero couples?

It IS easier because we don't have to rely on gender roles. Decisions are based on what works best.

I was inspired by the Traditional Husband because our set up is somewhat similar (but for different reasons). I have been a STAH/WAHM mom since my oldest was born. It's what I wanted to do for a long time, it's what we both wanted. DW made more money than I did before we decided to have kids so she continued to work. When she had DD she was itching to get back to work during her maternity leave. It's not that she didn't love our children but she needed to be able to get out. That's what worked for her.

As far as division of labor it's pretty much 50/50. I of course keep up with house chores during the day, but she tends to make dinner every night (she is a better cook). We both can cook, clean, do yard work, and fix things around the house.

[Anonymous]

Not OP, but lesbian (married one year, quite a saga: been with my wife for 15 yrs, lived in DC till 2009 with a kid, moved out and couldn't get married until last year because it wasn't legal in our state) and here are my answers
-One daughter age 8, anonymous sperm donor and my partner carried the baby
-Have faced discrimination-once I was fired from my job ostensibly because I was bad at it but very obviously because my boss met my girlfriend at the office Christmas party, and my partner was attacked on the street for "looking gay"
-Have a gray Honda
-No front lawn, but I want one
-We split chores, but I work longer hours most weeks so she ends up doing more than me-no resentment, though, and I cook because I like it
-Have one trans friend and many bi, totally supportive. The whole anti-bi lesbian thing baffles me.
-Not concerned about our relationship any more than a straight couple would be-there are the usual tensions but I can't imagine not being with my wife
-Daughter has never faced discrimination that I know of, and I certainly hope not
-I have more straight friends but there are more straight people, so that's not very significant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have more straight friends or gay friends? When events say mommy and me or father daughter whatever - how do you and your spouse approach this? Meaning do one of you place a particular parental role that falls in line with the old fashioned definition mom/dad roles? Does it ever bother you that there is a father/daughter or father/son event that you would want to go to but may feel excluded because of the wording? How do you feel when you hear the term gay or same sex marriage would you rather marriage just be defined as marriage? Have you ever encountered negative comments because of your sexuality?

I think we have about as many straight friends as we have gay friends. We actually may have more straight friends.

If there is a Mommy & Me class we both go or whoever is available goes. If there is a Daddy Daughter dance neither of us go. Neither of us are their father. Sometimes my dad would go, or DW brother...but more often it's their 'uncle' who is also their biological father. We choice a known donor because we felt it was important they knew their biological dad. He is also gay and in a relationship but didn't want to raise children.

I don't care what it's called. I often call it same-sex marriage but know others who think it should just be called marriage. I have a handful of gay friends who don't believe in same-sex marriage because they think it copies the heterosexual lifestyle. I have straight relatives who don't support my marriage or my family. Eventually I learned to honestly just not give a shit what others think, and that was a great realization.

We have encountered negative comments, but not many in front of our faces. When we were dating and went out a lot we'd encounter a lot more, but since we've had children we tend to not go to places where people get drunk and start harassing us. I can think of two really bad experiences we've had with strangers regarding our relationship. When DW and I were dating we went out to a bar and some drunk guy came up with his buddies trying to hit on us. He found out we were lesbians and got really angry. He wouldn't leave us alone and started threatening us. His buddies tried to get him to leave, but he got even more violent. Cops were called, charges were pressed. He later apologized and said that was unlike him, and he is a recovering alcoholic. It was still scary. The second time was when we were getting family pictures taken when my oldest was a toddler and our 5-year-old has just been born. We were at a park and two ladies walked by and one shouted, "how fucking disgusting" and the other, "poor children being raised by dykes". I hated it. I've had people call me that before, but never in front of my children. I cried. I hated that people would talk like that in front of my kids and I felt like I couldn't protect them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you drive a Subaru?

No, an Equinox we hate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you feel about trans and bi people?

The same way I feel about straight, gay, lesbian, asexual people and everyone in-between. I do think the LGBT community needs to be more accepting of bisexuals and especially trans people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does your front lawn look like?

Right now the grass is dead, so not that great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree that this is so not interesting that OP must be from a less accepting part of the country. We live in a prettying ordinary Virginia suburb and even the 89 year olds didn't bat an eyelash when a gay couple with two kids moved in. Our concerns are getting the leaves picked up, not blocking driveways with work trucks and being friendly to all. I saw the Imitation Game this weekend and was shocked to remember the treatment homosexuals once endured. This s a sea shift in my lifetime and we are the better or it

Honestly, I started the thread because of some slight similarities in another thread.

[Anonymous]

Do you own many cats?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:nuclear family
noun
: the part of a family that includes only the father, mother, and children

+1

You two are becoming irrelevant. Get with the times.

They're a couple of impotent men raging against the fact that they're no longer quite so dominant over everything in society. Women can have relationships, and even children, without having to get the okay of a man first, and that's terrifying.

Nope, I'm a woman and have no problem with same sex marriage. OP misused the term "nuclear family."

I don't think she misused it. I think she deliberately appropriated it. However, if you'd like to continue to be obtuse and pretend like she doesn't understand what she's communicating, that's your business, but it just makes you look silly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given the high rate of breakups in Lesbian relationships, are you concerned about the longevity of your marriage?

Hmmm... I've yet to have seen those statistics. I have seen the one about heterosexual divorce rates though. Yikes!


Every relationship takes work. Do I have concerns about my marriage at times, yes. Do I look at the statistics? No.

It's not that high. You do know the "50% or marriages end in divorce" thing isn't accurate, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given the high rate of breakups in Lesbian relationships, are you concerned about the longevity of your marriage?

Hmmm... I've yet to have seen those statistics. I have seen the one about heterosexual divorce rates though. Yikes!


Every relationship takes work. Do I have concerns about my marriage at times, yes. Do I look at the statistics? No.

It's not that high. You do know the "50% or marriages end in divorce" thing isn't accurate, right?

Please cite your source, PP.

[Anonymous]

Here's one source that says homosexual marriages/civil partnerships have lower divorce rates than straight couples, although lesbians are more likely to divorce than gay men. Still straight folks trump them all in divorce.

http://dish.andrewsullivan.com/2012/04/06/why-do-lesbians-divorce-more-than-gay-men/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you own many cats?

Two