My MIL just told my 9-year old that she was going to turn into a "fatty" if she ate whipped cream...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm positive I'm in the minority here, but a grandparent being direct enough to suggest a child is fat or will become fat if they eat certain things is not exactly a federal case. In this world of self esteem and not wanting to hurt our special snowflakes' feelings, someone needs to tell it like it is. Why not let that fall to the grandparents? What they say isn't as important or hurtful as what the parents say? So if the kids are hurt for 4 seconds, maybe next time they'll think "maybe I shouldn't have whipped cream on the pie, grandma thinks I'm getting fat even though no one else will admit that."

1. Avoiding whipped cream on your pie is not a "diet."
2. There is no suggestion this child is fat
3. Eating a serving of whipped cream does not make you fat.
4. Mean comments do, in fact, trigger eating disorders in girls.
5. It's a holiday for god's sake. When is the child entitled to treats?
6. If we are all going to "tell it like it is," let's tell Grandma she's mean and her comments are unwanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have filled up large bowls with whipped cream for myself and the kid and gone to town.

You are an idiot. It is your kind of attitude that causes people - including children - to be obese.

What an utterly asinine response!

She was being SARCASTIC!!! Get it? Who is the "idiot?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I truly have no words. My husband was there, too, and said nothing. We are at our house and they are visiting from out of town.
d
I know I should have said something at that moment, but I was just caught so off-guard. She often makes comments about what I eat (I weigh about 12 pounds more than I did when I got married 13 years ago) and what other adults eat, but this is the first time she said anything about my kids. According to my MIL, I always make waaayyy too much food and, once, when I told her the chicken piccata I was making was Ree Drummond's recipe (Pioneer Woman) she looked at me and smirked and said, "Ewww. Her food is so fatty and so gross."

I'm going to go and have a talk with my husband right now.

The saddest part of all of this is that my mother who was just incredible passed away a few years ago. My kids and I are now stuck with this.

I was totally with you until this part.

She said it and you're going to "have a talk with your husband?" WTF?

The talk you need to have is with her. In no uncertain terms she will be told never to utter such a remark again to you or your children, or to anyone else ABOUT you or your children. And if she ever DOES do that again, she will be seeing a lot LESS of you and her grandchildren going forward.

You deliver that message, not your husband. Or, ideally, you do it together. United front.

[Anonymous]

You have to be crazy to expect a child to excercise discipline. If you're against whipped cream as a matter of principle, get it out of your house. You can "tell it like it is" to the mother. But putting this sh*t in a child's mind is not right. And it's increadibly mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She may have problems with food herself, and if that's the case, it will be difficult for her to see what is wrong with her comments. Sometimes people don't even realize that they have disordered attitudes toward food and eating, even when it is pointed out to them.

The eating disorders that we have in the US are with the 30% who are OBESE.

The reason the majority are obese is because they eat without any discipline. This is the real issue ....... not the MIL who may or may not have skewed views about eating and diets.

Stop shifting the blame and accept responsibility for why we have a problem with obesity in this country.

Maybe you don't know anyone with an eating disorder and you have been lucky enough to not have to be concerned about them. While people who are overweight may suffer from poor health and their lifespans may be shortened as a result, a person with an eating disorder can die from its effects in suddenly in their teens or twenties. Eating disorders are not a joke: they are very serious and we do need to avoid creating an atmosphere in which young people may succumb to disordered thoughts about food and eating.

It is possible to live a healthy life that includes wise food choices and exercise and still have treats at the holidays. Young girls get plenty of unhealthy messages about their bodies from the media all around us; they don't need to hear those messages from the people who love them the most.

[Anonymous]

Also, the WORD ("fatty") is inappropriate/derogatory to OP's daughter, and other overweight people. There are "better" words to use...no matter which side of the argument you are on, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She may have problems with food herself, and if that's the case, it will be difficult for her to see what is wrong with her comments. Sometimes people don't even realize that they have disordered attitudes toward food and eating, even when it is pointed out to them.

The eating disorders that we have in the US are with the 30% who are OBESE.

The reason the majority are obese is because they eat without any discipline. This is the real issue ....... not the MIL who may or may not have skewed views about eating and diets.

Stop shifting the blame and accept responsibility for why we have a problem with obesity in this country.

Is it your contention that name-calling and humiliation and fat-shaming are appropriate ways to correct this? Serious question.

[Anonymous]

Obesity begins at home, stop the epidemic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm positive I'm in the minority here, but a grandparent being direct enough to suggest a child is fat or will become fat if they eat certain things is not exactly a federal case. In this world of self esteem and not wanting to hurt our special snowflakes' feelings, someone needs to tell it like it is. Why not let that fall to the grandparents? What they say isn't as important or hurtful as what the parents say? So if the kids are hurt for 4 seconds, maybe next time they'll think "maybe I shouldn't have whipped cream on the pie, grandma thinks I'm getting fat even though no one else will admit that."

1. Avoiding whipped cream on your pie is not a "diet."
2. There is no suggestion this child is fat
3. Eating a serving of whipped cream does not make you fat.
4. Mean comments do, in fact, trigger eating disorders in girls.
5. It's a holiday for god's sake. When is the child entitled to treats?
6. If we are all going to "tell it like it is," let's tell Grandma she's mean and her comments are unwanted.

Why does America think it's ok to get fat once a year. You should just be healthy all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm positive I'm in the minority here, but a grandparent being direct enough to suggest a child is fat or will become fat if they eat certain things is not exactly a federal case. In this world of self esteem and not wanting to hurt our special snowflakes' feelings, someone needs to tell it like it is. Why not let that fall to the grandparents? What they say isn't as important or hurtful as what the parents say? So if the kids are hurt for 4 seconds, maybe next time they'll think "maybe I shouldn't have whipped cream on the pie, grandma thinks I'm getting fat even though no one else will admit that."

1. Avoiding whipped cream on your pie is not a "diet."
2. There is no suggestion this child is fat
3. Eating a serving of whipped cream does not make you fat.
4. Mean comments do, in fact, trigger eating disorders in girls.
5. It's a holiday for god's sake. When is the child entitled to treats?
6. If we are all going to "tell it like it is," let's tell Grandma she's mean and her comments are unwanted.

Why does America think it's ok to get fat once a year. You should just be healthy all the time.

Nobody gets fat from an extra dollop of whipped cream or a few extra cookies once or twice a year. I can fit treats into my healthy diet all year long and still be fit. Moderation in all things, even dessert, is the key.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: But is she right?

Well of course she is right, if she sits and eats multiple servings of whipped cream daily, she MIGHT become a fatty. Or even most likely will. Or she could be my husband and have abs despite doing little work and eating a lot.

Is she right that a dollop of whipped cream at the holidays- shoot even a lot of dollops at the holidays, is going to have lasting impact............um, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Madge/Mom:
I/We heard you tell Larla that she "would become a fatty" if she ate whipped cream. We are not raising our child to have an eating disorder, body image issues or unhealthy relationships with food. If you choose to make any comment related to any of us or our children about our bodies and/or what we eat, you will no longer be invited to be part of our lived. We're that serious."

My response to someone who said that to me " just try and stop me "

Actually, if that MIL were you, they CAN try and stop you by no longer inviting you to come over or no longer coming to your house. No one HAS to see you, you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm positive I'm in the minority here, but a grandparent being direct enough to suggest a child is fat or will become fat if they eat certain things is not exactly a federal case. In this world of self esteem and not wanting to hurt our special snowflakes' feelings, someone needs to tell it like it is. Why not let that fall to the grandparents? What they say isn't as important or hurtful as what the parents say? So if the kids are hurt for 4 seconds, maybe next time they'll think "maybe I shouldn't have whipped cream on the pie, grandma thinks I'm getting fat even though no one else will admit that."

Then it's OK to respond, "grandma, if you talk like this, you'll turn into a wrinkly sad old woman no one wants to see. Actually, you've already turned into a wrinkly old woman. The sad part is up to you."

Maybe she'll be hurt for 4 seconds, but perhaps next time she'll think "maybe I shouldn't say mean things to children". What do you think? Not exactly a federal case to be direct enough with an old woman that she'll be unwanted if she says certain things? And she IS old and wrinkled, isn't she? What's the big deal with letting her know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
The eating disorders that we have in the US are with the 30% who are OBESE.

The reason the majority are obese is because they eat without any discipline. This is the real issue ....... not the MIL who may or may not have skewed views about eating and diets.

Stop shifting the blame and accept responsibility for why we have a problem with obesity in this country.

Why should she have to accept responsibility for something that she has nothing to do with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I truly have no words. My husband was there, too, and said nothing. We are at our house and they are visiting from out of town.
d
I know I should have said something at that moment, but I was just caught so off-guard. She often makes comments about what I eat (I weigh about 12 pounds more than I did when I got married 13 years ago) and what other adults eat, but this is the first time she said anything about my kids. According to my MIL, I always make waaayyy too much food and, once, when I told her the chicken piccata I was making was Ree Drummond's recipe (Pioneer Woman) she looked at me and smirked and said, "Ewww. Her food is so fatty and so gross."

I'm going to go and have a talk with my husband right now.

The saddest part of all of this is that my mother who was just incredible passed away a few years ago. My kids and I are now stuck with this.

I was totally with you until this part.

She said it and you're going to "have a talk with your husband?" WTF?

The talk you need to have is with her. In no uncertain terms she will be told never to utter such a remark again to you or your children, or to anyone else ABOUT you or your children. And if she ever DOES do that again, she will be seeing a lot LESS of you and her grandchildren going forward.

You deliver that message, not your husband. Or, ideally, you do it together. United front.

It's her MIL - not her own mother. Of course it should be DH who speaks to her, it's HIS mother. Sure, DIL can be there, but it's DH's responsibility to make sure HIS mother does not continue doing such awful things. I don't understand your reasoning.

When my parents did some awful things to my kids it was me who told them to quit it, not my spouse.

Every advice columnist who's ever answered questions about in-law problems suggests that the child is the one who should speak to his/her own parent about the problem, not the daughter-in-law or son-in-law.