Guy: Mid 50s, Twice Divorced, 3 kids with the 2 exs…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he had bad taste in women.

I've seen pictures of them both--they look alike--and both look like his mother whom he hates.

I don't hate my mother, but I don't really like her as a person, and she was an awful marriage partner for my father (I didn't see this clearly until I was much older). I picked several women who were very bad choices for me - and also happened to have personalities or relationship/love dynamics much like my mother (broken) - we do marry our parents. My sister is on her second marriage and both of her exes had some of my father's worst qualities. For the record, I'm sure I also contributed a bunch of brokenness to those relationships, it wasn't just my ex-wife or ex-gfs.

After a bunch of therapy (for me, went to by myself) I finally started deliberately dating women who were not that type. I met my 2nd wife pretty quickly after that and have had the most incredible and easy marriage I could ever imagine. I still tell my wife at least two to three times a week that I am just amazed at how wonderful she is.

I don't think this is common - breaking the pattern - but I'm thankful as hell every day for my wonderful therapist (haven't seen her in like six years) and my wonderful wife. I only have two marriages on my official count, but there were two near misses following my divorce (yes, as a PP said, "careless" would have been appropriate), so I could so easily see this being me. However, no kids from priors.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't be so quick to assume he's the problem in his past relationships but either way, you don't need to worry about his ltr potential or lack thereof. You haven't had sex with your husband in 5 years and you just want to sleep with this guy right? So do it. Why not? I mean 5 years no sex...if your husband finds out about it he can't really be surprised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here--I do wonder what will become of him though. He seems very angry and hateful of his mother--he talks about her quite a bit. I suppose he will have a pretty lonely life in the long run because after all who will ave a long term relationship with him? Divorced women his own age who will put up with exactly none of his shit. Or some 19 y o innocent with some wide eyed outlook. I think he's actually still in love with his college/law school girlfriend that he broke up with 25 years ago or his high school gf--bc he still talks about both of them quite a bit.

He's not in love with either of them. They are basically holograms at this point of women he dated when he was younger and less encumbered by ex wives a and custody arrangements. He fantasizes about them because of who he was when he was with them. 25 years later those women are nothing like what he is remembering or imagining. Trust me, he wouldn't want the "real" them anymore than they would want him at this juncture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here--I do wonder what will become of him though. He seems very angry and hateful of his mother--he talks about her quite a bit. I suppose he will have a pretty lonely life in the long run because after all who will ave a long term relationship with him? Divorced women his own age who will put up with exactly none of his shit. Or some 19 y o innocent with some wide eyed outlook. I think he's actually still in love with his college/law school girlfriend that he broke up with 25 years ago or his high school gf--bc he still talks about both of them quite a bit.

He's not in love with either of them. They are basically holograms at this point of women he dated when he was younger and less encumbered by ex wives a and custody arrangements. He fantasizes about them because of who he was when he was with them. 25 years later those women are nothing like what he is remembering or imagining. Trust me, he wouldn't want the "real" them anymore than they would want him at this juncture.

The "hologram" analogy here is pretty brilliant. Are you taking new patients? I'd like an appointment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here--I do wonder what will become of him though. He seems very angry and hateful of his mother--he talks about her quite a bit. I suppose he will have a pretty lonely life in the long run because after all who will ave a long term relationship with him? Divorced women his own age who will put up with exactly none of his shit. Or some 19 y o innocent with some wide eyed outlook. I think he's actually still in love with his college/law school girlfriend that he broke up with 25 years ago or his high school gf--bc he still talks about both of them quite a bit.

He's not in love with either of them. They are basically holograms at this point of women he dated when he was younger and less encumbered by ex wives a and custody arrangements. He fantasizes about them because of who he was when he was with them. 25 years later those women are nothing like what he is remembering or imagining. Trust me, he wouldn't want the "real" them anymore than they would want him at this juncture.

The "hologram" analogy here is pretty brilliant. Are you taking new patients? I'd like an appointment.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What would you think of this guy? Both of his ex wives married again. He had 1 DD with the first wife and a DD and a DS with second wife. Not sure how far along into the marriages the divorces happened. Good looking guy, fit, lawyer. Would you assume he's the problem?

I know this guy. Initials TB? If so, great guy. and go for it!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't be so quick to assume he's the problem in his past relationships but either way, you don't need to worry about his ltr potential or lack thereof. You haven't had sex with your husband in 5 years and you just want to sleep with this guy right? So do it. Why not? I mean 5 years no sex…if your husband finds out about it he can't really be surprised.

Well, when you say it like that it sounds so simple! If I was french and this were France…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What would you think of this guy? Both of his ex wives married again. He had 1 DD with the first wife and a DD and a DS with second wife. Not sure how far along into the marriages the divorces happened. Good looking guy, fit, lawyer. Would you assume he's the problem?

I know this guy. Initials TB? If so, great guy. and go for it!!

Nope. Not his initials…lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like my dad. I'd definitely run.

How so? You mean the dynamic or the exact profile?

Both. Although my father is a handsome, charming and successful businessman, not lawyer. He has four kids with three wives. Each wife has gone on to have a subsequent happy, long-term relationship post-divorce. I don't think he's much of a cheater but when the thrill is gone, so is he. He's a good dad and is on decent terms with all exes so he's not a bad guy. He just doesn't do marriage well. Having viewed this phenomenon up close, there is NO WAY I'd take up with a twice divorced guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he had bad taste in women.

I've seen pictures of them both--they look alike--and both look like his mother whom he hates.

I don't hate my mother, but I don't really like her as a person, and she was an awful marriage partner for my father (I didn't see this clearly until I was much older). I picked several women who were very bad choices for me - and also happened to have personalities or relationship/love dynamics much like my mother (broken) - we do marry our parents. My sister is on her second marriage and both of her exes had some of my father's worst qualities. For the record, I'm sure I also contributed a bunch of brokenness to those relationships, it wasn't just my ex-wife or ex-gfs.

After a bunch of therapy (for me, went to by myself) I finally started deliberately dating women who were not that type. I met my 2nd wife pretty quickly after that and have had the most incredible and easy marriage I could ever imagine. I still tell my wife at least two to three times a week that I am just amazed at how wonderful she is.

I don't think this is common - breaking the pattern - but I'm thankful as hell every day for my wonderful therapist (haven't seen her in like six years) and my wonderful wife. I only have two marriages on my official count, but there were two near misses following my divorce (yes, as a PP said, "careless" would have been appropriate), so I could so easily see this being me. However, no kids from priors.

OP here: The fact that you didn't have kids in these marriages is huge distinction from my guy's fact pattern, though. He walked (or was dumped, not sure) from 2 marriages with 3 kids total. Also, I just wanted to say you sound like a great, self aware guy.

[Anonymous]

How are you dating this guy and don't know how his marriages ended or when he got divorced? Is this just online dating emails at this point?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you are in the midst of starting some type of emotional relationship with this guy because you're not into your marriage. I wouldn't go that route personally, but you do you if you have a lower set of standards of what you feel is permissible to do when married.

As for this gem of a man - twice divorced, three kids from two baby mamas, hates his mother? He sounds AMAZING. I am sure you will be very happy as his third ex wife!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What would you think of this guy? Both of his ex wives married again. He had 1 DD with the first wife and a DD and a DS with second wife. Not sure how far along into the marriages the divorces happened. Good looking guy, fit, lawyer. Would you assume he's the problem?

I know this guy. Initials TB? If so, great guy. and go for it!!

Nope. Not his initials…lol

Wow, such a similar story. Remarkable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are you dating this guy and don't know how his marriages ended or when he got divorced? Is this just online dating emails at this point?

We're chatting intensively on the phone and Facetiming. And well, those are pretty personal questions that we haven't gotten to yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What would you think of this guy? Both of his ex wives married again. He had 1 DD with the first wife and a DD and a DS with second wife. Not sure how far along into the marriages the divorces happened. Good looking guy, fit, lawyer. Would you assume he's the problem?

I know this guy. Initials TB? If so, great guy. and go for it!!

Nope. Not his initials…lol

Wow, such a similar story. Remarkable.

Does he live in NC?