Cannot stand my SIL- what to do??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let her roll her eyes and stomp away. Let her sit alone in an empty room stewing.

If you haven't done anything to instigate a response like that - her problem, don't indulge her. If you have been needling her in some way (and I suspect that you have)...just stop it.

I wonder this, too. OP sounds very judgmental about her SIL being single and not having children. I wouldn't be shocked if OP's SIL has a long list of condescending things OP has said about her being single and childless.

Yeah, op sounds like a smug married who likes to look down on her shingle childless sister in law.

A lot of her comments could be funny - depends on tone.

And maybe you were bragging about your trip abroad.

Trust me, her comments aren't funny. And dh and I had just gotten back from our anniversary trip. Our friends wanted to hear about it. Isn't that normal conversation among friends? How was your weekend? Tell me about your trip. Etc.

That is normal convo, op. And normal people should be happy for your successes and travels and accomplishments. She sounds miserably alone and like she has defense mechanisms.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like an incredibly sad human being. Try to pity her.

I agree. Don't say anything, and don't be nice about (I agree that inappropriate comments should be ignored) but it may help you get through things to feel sorry for her. Clearly she has trouble making friends and maintaining conversation and is probably quite unhappy. Try to think about how grateful you are that your life isn't like this.

I have a terrible stepmom in law and I try to do this. FWIW DH agrees with my assessment of her, so it's a bit easier, but I think taking the high road is worth it. At least outwardly. You'll never get her to change, so expending the energy is unworth it. In terms of her monopolizing conversation, don't take the bait. IF she says "let's change the subject" in the middle of a story you were telling, just stay silent for a moment, then as long as no one jumps in, continue your story. If someone does change the topic, come back to it over dinner or other times when the gorup has broken. And I agree, try not to sit near her.

Another thing that works for me when forced into conversation with yucky stepmom in law is to be endlessly cheery. IT's surprisingly mindless and maddening to someone so negative. It's passive aggressive, yes, but it's really hard to be judged for it and gets me through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let her roll her eyes and stomp away. Let her sit alone in an empty room stewing.

If you haven't done anything to instigate a response like that - her problem, don't indulge her. If you have been needling her in some way (and I suspect that you have)...just stop it.

I wonder this, too. OP sounds very judgmental about her SIL being single and not having children. I wouldn't be shocked if OP's SIL has a long list of condescending things OP has said about her being single and childless.

Yeah, op sounds like a smug married who likes to look down on her shingle childless sister in law.

A lot of her comments could be funny - depends on tone.

And maybe you were bragging about your trip abroad.

Trust me, her comments aren't funny. And dh and I had just gotten back from our anniversary trip. Our friends wanted to hear about it. Isn't that normal conversation among friends? How was your weekend? Tell me about your trip. Etc.

That is normal convo, op. And normal people should be happy for your successes and travels and accomplishments. She sounds miserably alone and like she has defense mechanisms.

+1

Maybe SIL thinks that Op is the one who is constantly dominating conversations, redirecting topics back to herself and using her status as a married person with a partner against the single, all alone SIL. Honestly, I don't know. But really they both seem to be more than a little self absorbed to me since this seems to be happening soooo frequently between them. Holy cow back down, retract the claws ladies. Not everything has to be viewed as a one-up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let her roll her eyes and stomp away. Let her sit alone in an empty room stewing.

If you haven't done anything to instigate a response like that - her problem, don't indulge her. If you have been needling her in some way (and I suspect that you have)...just stop it.

I wonder this, too. OP sounds very judgmental about her SIL being single and not having children. I wouldn't be shocked if OP's SIL has a long list of condescending things OP has said about her being single and childless.

Yeah, op sounds like a smug married who likes to look down on her shingle childless sister in law.

A lot of her comments could be funny - depends on tone.

And maybe you were bragging about your trip abroad.

Trust me, her comments aren't funny. And dh and I had just gotten back from our anniversary trip. Our friends wanted to hear about it. Isn't that normal conversation among friends? How was your weekend? Tell me about your trip. Etc.

That is normal convo, op. And normal people should be happy for your successes and travels and accomplishments. She sounds miserably alone and like she has defense mechanisms.

+1

Maybe SIL thinks that Op is the one who is constantly dominating conversations, redirecting topics back to herself and using her status as a married person with a partner against the single, all alone SIL. Honestly, I don't know. But really they both seem to be more than a little self absorbed to me since this seems to be happening soooo frequently between them. Holy cow back down, retract the claws ladies. Not everything has to be viewed as a one-up.

If SIL derails the conversation b/c she is jealous/insecure/can't relate, and OP brings the convo back to the original topic, then I see no problem with that. It would be funny if SIL viewed that as OP being self absorbed...clearly the SIL is so self-absorbed she can't handle listening to a conversation to which she can't relate.

[Anonymous]

This is 100 percent my sister in law but with the added bonuses of crying jags when she doesn't get her way, hypochondria, and an obnoxious know-it-all boyfriend. I drink a lot of wine. A LOT of wine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let her roll her eyes and stomp away. Let her sit alone in an empty room stewing.

If you haven't done anything to instigate a response like that - her problem, don't indulge her. If you have been needling her in some way (and I suspect that you have)...just stop it.

I wonder this, too. OP sounds very judgmental about her SIL being single and not having children. I wouldn't be shocked if OP's SIL has a long list of condescending things OP has said about her being single and childless.

Yeah, op sounds like a smug married who likes to look down on her shingle childless sister in law.

A lot of her comments could be funny - depends on tone.

And maybe you were bragging about your trip abroad.

Trust me, her comments aren't funny. And dh and I had just gotten back from our anniversary trip. Our friends wanted to hear about it. Isn't that normal conversation among friends? How was your weekend? Tell me about your trip. Etc.

That is normal convo, op. And normal people should be happy for your successes and travels and accomplishments. She sounds miserably alone and like she has defense mechanisms.

+1

Maybe SIL thinks that Op is the one who is constantly dominating conversations, redirecting topics back to herself and using her status as a married person with a partner against the single, all alone SIL. Honestly, I don't know. But really they both seem to be more than a little self absorbed to me since this seems to be happening soooo frequently between them. Holy cow back down, retract the claws ladies. Not everything has to be viewed as a one-up.

If SIL derails the conversation b/c she is jealous/insecure/can't relate, and OP brings the convo back to the original topic, then I see no problem with that. It would be funny if SIL viewed that as OP being self absorbed...clearly the SIL is so self-absorbed she can't handle listening to a conversation to which she can't relate.

If the conversation is always on Op, always being redirected back to Op's topic then that might come across as self absorbed, borish on the Op's part. If SIL simply can't bare the spotlight being on Op *ever*, then SIL really needs to chill.

[Anonymous]

She sounds super annoying OP. I can NOT stand my SIL either. She talks about herself non-stop, gives me back handed compliments and has an annoying habit of trying to say I'm just like my MIL (who sucks royally and I wish to be very little like her). She's also a mediocre mother who plans her weekends around drinking with her friends and then ships her 11 year old off to friend's houses for most of every weekend. Yet she *loves* giving me parenting advice, since I have an infant. Her favorite phrase is "oh just you wait until xyz".

[Anonymous]

My favortie pieces of advice from this thread:

-Giving the "toddler treatment". Ignoring bad behavior and praising effusively for good behavior. Amazing.

-Being obsessively positive and upbeat in the face of negativity. I am SO trying this with my super negative MIL. It will drive.her.insane. I can't wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She seems socially awkward and annoying but she isn't doing anything to you. She isn't spreading gossip about, stealing from you, trying to pit family members against you, a lot of what you mentioned isn't even comments directed to you.....Just let it go.

+1 What are her interests? Do you have any in common? Does she have problems with social interactions outside of the family? Some of the behaviors sound like she may be on the Autism spectrum, and if she is would you be able to deal with better if you knew that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She seems socially awkward and annoying but she isn't doing anything to you. She isn't spreading gossip about, stealing from you, trying to pit family members against you, a lot of what you mentioned isn't even comments directed to you.....Just let it go.

+1 What are her interests? Do you have any in common? Does she have problems with social interactions outside of the family? Some of the behaviors sound like she may be on the Autism spectrum, and if she is would you be able to deal with better if you knew that?

When is a behavior on the autism spectrum, and when is someone just a bitch? A self-absorbed, attention-whore, ra ra look at me bitch?