Cannot stand my SIL- what to do??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I know you don't want to be rude, but it sounds like SIL has no problem being rude, and she doesn't care.

You need to talk to DH first before you say anything to SIL. Tell him only the most egregious happenings and why they were so bad. Ask him if he's ever had a problem with her. Go from there.

This is good advice. My BIL sounds like the biggest jerk on earth, but after talking my husband and other relatives, they all have had problems with him. I suspect he has some kind of undiagnosed/untreated mental disorder. Definitely talk to your husband about her behavior and go from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP are you sure you aren't talking about my sister in law? She is so desperate to be relevant it's sad. The only thing you can do is ignore her. Trust me!!

Wow. Who doesn't want to be relevant? You sound mean .

Not everyone needs to be the star of every conversation. Sometimes you can just listen to what other have to say and not make everything about me me me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP are you sure you aren't talking about my sister in law? She is so desperate to be relevant it's sad. The only thing you can do is ignore her. Trust me!!

Wow. Who doesn't want to be relevant? You sound mean .

Not everyone needs to be the star of every conversation. Sometimes you can just listen to what other have to say and not make everything about me me me.

+1

[Anonymous]

When my SIL is in a room she has to control the conversation. If she asks questions it's either because she is nosy or setting herself up for the next topic she can entertain us with.

OP, minimize tim you spend with her and realize after a marriage if your spouse isn't close to them, siblings-in-law tend to fade away a lot more.

[Anonymous]

Minimize contact!

[Anonymous]

I tend to think that people who throw out the "you're jealous" suggestion (of not being married, not having kids, or whatever) are actually the ones that are jealous - of the unmarried, childless person's freedom.

At least that's been the case with one of my siblings, who accused me of being jealous of precisely those things. I always wanted to get married and have kids... until my siblings got married and had kids, and I became more exposed to the realities of marriage/kids. Not that there aren't a lot of great things, but it's not all roses. There's addiction, anger, abandonment, cheating, tiredness, lots and lots of tiredness, less time, less money, much less energy. This particular sibling had numerous marital problems while accusing me of being jealous, which was just odd. It was clearly a projection on their part. So when people throw out the suggestion that someone else is "just jealous," like it's the only possible way to explain things, I'm pretty skeptical of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I tend to think that people who throw out the "you're jealous" suggestion (of not being married, not having kids, or whatever) are actually the ones that are jealous - of the unmarried, childless person's freedom.

At least that's been the case with one of my siblings, who accused me of being jealous of precisely those things. I always wanted to get married and have kids... until my siblings got married and had kids, and I became more exposed to the realities of marriage/kids. Not that there aren't a lot of great things, but it's not all roses. There's addiction, anger, abandonment, cheating, tiredness, lots and lots of tiredness, less time, less money, much less energy. This particular sibling had numerous marital problems while accusing me of being jealous, which was just odd. It was clearly a projection on their part. So when people throw out the suggestion that someone else is "just jealous," like it's the only possible way to explain things, I'm pretty skeptical of them.

Wtf are you saying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let her roll her eyes and stomp away. Let her sit alone in an empty room stewing.

If you haven't done anything to instigate a response like that - her problem, don't indulge her. If you have been needling her in some way (and I suspect that you have)...just stop it.

I wonder this, too. OP sounds very judgmental about her SIL being single and not having children. I wouldn't be shocked if OP's SIL has a long list of condescending things OP has said about her being single and childless.

Yeah, op sounds like a smug married who likes to look down on her shingle childless sister in law.

A lot of her comments could be funny - depends on tone.

And maybe you were bragging about your trip abroad.

[Anonymous]

I vote bi-polar .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let her roll her eyes and stomp away. Let her sit alone in an empty room stewing.

If you haven't done anything to instigate a response like that - her problem, don't indulge her. If you have been needling her in some way (and I suspect that you have)...just stop it.

I wonder this, too. OP sounds very judgmental about her SIL being single and not having children. I wouldn't be shocked if OP's SIL has a long list of condescending things OP has said about her being single and childless.

Yeah, op sounds like a smug married who likes to look down on her shingle childless sister in law.

A lot of her comments could be funny - depends on tone.

And maybe you were bragging about your trip abroad.

Trust me, her comments aren't funny. And dh and I had just gotten back from our anniversary trip. Our friends wanted to hear about it. Isn't that normal conversation among friends? How was your weekend? Tell me about your trip. Etc.

[Anonymous]

She sounds like an incredibly sad human being. Try to pity her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my SIL is in a room she has to control the conversation. If she asks questions it's either because she is nosy or setting herself up for the next topic she can entertain us with.

OP, minimize tim you spend with her and realize after a marriage if your spouse isn't close to them, siblings-in-law tend to fade away a lot more.

+1 she sounds like she needs to be the center of attention. Be the bigger person and ignore her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let her roll her eyes and stomp away. Let her sit alone in an empty room stewing.

If you haven't done anything to instigate a response like that - her problem, don't indulge her. If you have been needling her in some way (and I suspect that you have)...just stop it.

I wonder this, too. OP sounds very judgmental about her SIL being single and not having children. I wouldn't be shocked if OP's SIL has a long list of condescending things OP has said about her being single and childless.

Yeah, op sounds like a smug married who likes to look down on her shingle childless sister in law.

A lot of her comments could be funny - depends on tone.

And maybe you were bragging about your trip abroad.

Trust me, her comments aren't funny. And dh and I had just gotten back from our anniversary trip. Our friends wanted to hear about it. Isn't that normal conversation among friends? How was your weekend? Tell me about your trip. Etc.

That is normal convo, op. And normal people should be happy for your successes and travels and accomplishments. She sounds miserably alone and like she has defense mechanisms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tend to think that people who throw out the "you're jealous" suggestion (of not being married, not having kids, or whatever) are actually the ones that are jealous - of the unmarried, childless person's freedom.

At least that's been the case with one of my siblings, who accused me of being jealous of precisely those things. I always wanted to get married and have kids... until my siblings got married and had kids, and I became more exposed to the realities of marriage/kids. Not that there aren't a lot of great things, but it's not all roses. There's addiction, anger, abandonment, cheating, tiredness, lots and lots of tiredness, less time, less money, much less energy. This particular sibling had numerous marital problems while accusing me of being jealous, which was just odd. It was clearly a projection on their part. So when people throw out the suggestion that someone else is "just jealous," like it's the only possible way to explain things, I'm pretty skeptical of them.

Wtf are you saying

You know how when people are mean/negative about others, it's generally because they dislike something about themselves? I think it's kind of like that. It's easier to pretend others are jealous, than actually deal with your own demons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tend to think that people who throw out the "you're jealous" suggestion (of not being married, not having kids, or whatever) are actually the ones that are jealous - of the unmarried, childless person's freedom.

At least that's been the case with one of my siblings, who accused me of being jealous of precisely those things. I always wanted to get married and have kids... until my siblings got married and had kids, and I became more exposed to the realities of marriage/kids. Not that there aren't a lot of great things, but it's not all roses. There's addiction, anger, abandonment, cheating, tiredness, lots and lots of tiredness, less time, less money, much less energy. This particular sibling had numerous marital problems while accusing me of being jealous, which was just odd. It was clearly a projection on their part. So when people throw out the suggestion that someone else is "just jealous," like it's the only possible way to explain things, I'm pretty skeptical of them.

Wtf are you saying

You know how when people are mean/negative about others, it's generally because they dislike something about themselves? I think it's kind of like that. It's easier to pretend others are jealous, than actually deal with your own demons.

nothing suggested that the op thinks her sil is jealous of HER. it sounds like the sil wishes she had those successes for herself, but to me, the op wasn't trying to say she thinks her sil is jealous of her. it's clear the sil is insecure and probably a touch self absorbed.