Practically 9 year old expressing wanting to be vegetarian but barely eats already- how to sway?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Yes, there is a need to get protein in the diet. But there are a lot of foods that provide protein, other than dead animals. I apologize for using "dead animals", but I'm trying to refer to everything, to avoid the "I don't meat, but I do eat chicken" confusion.

Please help me. My son has decided to be a strict vegetarian. He eats no eggs because they smell bad -- even a hint of egg makes him get sick.
Doesn't like beans or legumes of any kind, except one brand of black beans from a certain restaurant that is 45 minutes away from our house.
Will eat peanut butter. No other nuts or seeds.
Doesn't eat hummus.
Hates the taste of milk or cheese.
Refuses most vegetables.
Will eat some fruits.

Tell me how to get him his healthy vegetarian protein, please.

This is not about vegetarianism, this is about some kind of OCD/disordered eating issue. Get your DS to a doctor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I became a vegetarian when I was 7, and have been for 28 years. I started because I found out meat was animals, and just stayed this way. My family started eating largely vegetarian meals so my mom didn't have to cook two meals. Reducing meat consumption is better for the environment anyways.

I like the idea of making a list of foods she agrees she'll eat. I ate lots of dairy, pasta, fruits, and veggies growing up. Some soy but not a ton--definitely disliked soy products made to "taste/look" like meat. (Eg tofu chicken nuggets).

[Anonymous]

OP,

Clearly you know your daughter better than anyone who is posting and offering advice. Since you are reading, I will just offer that as former vegetarian who became one at 10 and stayed that way until 30, while I espoused my love of animals and refusal to eat them, the origins of my vegetarianism was clearly about control. And for me, it helped me get through my parent's divorce, lots of upheaval and moving and transition. The control I had over eating was the one constant in my life.

For me personally, it didn't develop into a destructive eating disorder until I was well into my 20s but in retrospect the groundwork was being laid years before. Once I started recovery from the eating disorder, I was surprised how few people were not surprised I had developed one. The only person who really failed to acknowledge the eating disorder, and said to me the day I tried to talk to her about it "I'm not prepared to have this conversation" was my mother. This was over 10 years ago, our relationship is ok but I never tried to talk to her about it again and we are not close.

I look back at the situation now and see that she was not prepared to deal with it when I was 10 or 30. I think at 30 I wanted her to acknowledge and validate it for me and she couldn't or didn't want to. At 10 she said has a responsibility to understand the reasons why I was choosing to become a vegetarian and she didn't.

I am in no way assuming your daughter is exhibiting control issues through vegetarianism, however please don't ignore the possibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Yes, there is a need to get protein in the diet. But there are a lot of foods that provide protein, other than dead animals. I apologize for using "dead animals", but I'm trying to refer to everything, to avoid the "I don't meat, but I do eat chicken" confusion.

Please help me. My son has decided to be a strict vegetarian. He eats no eggs because they smell bad -- even a hint of egg makes him get sick.
Doesn't like beans or legumes of any kind, except one brand of black beans from a certain restaurant that is 45 minutes away from our house.
Will eat peanut butter. No other nuts or seeds.
Doesn't eat hummus.
Hates the taste of milk or cheese.
Refuses most vegetables.
Will eat some fruits.

Tell me how to get him his healthy vegetarian protein, please.

If I understand you correctly, then the only things he ate before he decided to become a vegetarian was meat, grains, and some fruit. I am not a dietician or nutritionist, but that sounds like a problem to me right there.

Yes. He ate meat, chicken, fish, potatoes, bread, pasta, most fruits and some vegetables.

Then he decided to become a strict vegetarian as well.

I should never have allowed it.

My point is, while it may very well be possible to eat a healthy vegan or vegetarian diet ... it is a LOT MORE difficult to eat healthily on a vegetarian/vegan diet if you are also a picky eater.

[Anonymous]

For my dd who said she is a vegetarian, I still offer meat. She used to love steak, so when we make that, I offer it to her. She still loves to eat crab. So I think she is inconsistent which is fine with me. I am hoping she will continue to eat meat on occasion because she is very picky, and her diet is unhealthy. I do my best by supplementing and with vitamins. My next step is a nutritionist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I smell a pre-eating disorder too in this story, but something about the OP's tone-- "I will not let her wither away"--also smells to me like a major control battle is underway. Your DD does have a right to exert control over her life and choices of food are one way children express this control. Some anorexia research suggests that OCD pathology is closely connected. I am saying all of this to encourage OP to find ways that are not about power to address this problem.

What if you saw a therapist together? Have someone neutral arbitrate essentially the discussion and help you come up with solutions.

You've gotten some great advice here about having DD make a list of foods, or research how she'll get her Vit B12, D, iron, and all of those ideas are good ones--except they require you give final approval.

I agree with this poster: If you and DD are having a control struggle, maybe you already have a long history of food struggles already, you need to bring in outside advice to help you both find a win-win solution. Digging in or forcing her to go through a lot of hoops that ultimately end in your saying "nope, sorry, no dice" are all going to drive your D into more extreme behavior. If you're "lucky" that might be anorexia; if you're less lucky that might be much worse. So I think you both need an outside expert to change the underlying dynamic here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP is anti-vegetarian and I don't think it's a question of selling her on vegetarian cooking. I don't sense any anti-vegetarian feeling per se in her post.

I think the point of her post is that she's concerned that her daughter will not eat a variety of foods in order to sustain growth. OP could cook fabulous vegetarian meals but if her daughter is not willing to try them or eat them, what is the point? Is the kid going to eat breakfast cereal for the next 10 years?

Chiming in that you are a vegetarian and have been so since childhood is great but perhaps you could add what foods you were willing to eat as a child.

No, not in OP's posts, but there is a strong feeling in other posts that vegetarian = eating disorder.

I am a vegetarian. I have been a vegetarian for over 30 years. And I think OP's DD has disordered eating. I am clearly not reacting to the vegetarian part.

OP I think you need to get professional advice. The more you write the more I think there may be some OCD like issues creeping in (which are closely related to ED's). She refuses certain foods based on the site of them. She can't see tomatoes in her food. She'll eat spinach it if isn't so obvious. She cried over lamb but ate a burger and then refused chicken. I don't doubt that she loves animals passionately but that could bring another category of OCD.

As wonderful as a vegetarian diet is, many of think its just a bad idea to allow yet another restricted diet onto a child whose diet is already quite restricted and who is underweight as a result. PLus I suspect you cater to her diet eccentricities quite a bit because you just want her to eat something. OK, I'll just hide the tomatoes and maybe she'll eat. I'll stop cooking meat and maybe she'll eat. The problem with this kind of accommodation is that you lose site of how disordered she has become.

Even without the vegetarianism there's enough here for concern. Speak with your pediatrician.

Op here- wow- there was a lot of posts but I think this one captures my concerns correctly- our DD is already picky and restricted, we don't need to eliminate more. She has growth issues and we have seen an endocrinologist and every year our pediatrician states she barely makes it on growth charts. We have another child who grows beyond the average 2.5" and is tall. It's really not so much the height (I am not tall), but the limited foods creates issues such as today she had issues going to the bathroom- not enough fruits and vegetables (which we give daily- she doesn't eat it with her lunch).