Affair question

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

We met via our daughters.. And she is also in a strange marriage.

Go onnnnnnnn

I would prefer not to go into detail... I feel very lucky to have had her in my life for the last 2+ years. I am a happier person.

Usually a man is happy in an affair. How about her? Is she happy? Or guilty-ridden?

[Anonymous]

My mom had an affair with a married man. He left his wife the summer after his last child graduated HS. They were carrying on for 7 years while he was married, 3 years during the separation to them getting married. They have been married for 12 years now, so together for 22. They truly are soul mates. They both just made a bad choice the first time around. They have now been together longer than the first marriage.

I know this instills much fear in women and men, but yes, some people do have love affairs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom had an affair with a married man. He left his wife the summer after his last child graduated HS. They were carrying on for 7 years while he was married, 3 years during the separation to them getting married. They have been married for 12 years now, so together for 22. They truly are soul mates. They both just made a bad choice the first time around. They have now been together longer than the first marriage.

I know this instills much fear in women and men, but yes, some people do have love affairs.

But did they go grocery shopping together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom had an affair with a married man. He left his wife the summer after his last child graduated HS. They were carrying on for 7 years while he was married, 3 years during the separation to them getting married. They have been married for 12 years now, so together for 22. They truly are soul mates. They both just made a bad choice the first time around. They have now been together longer than the first marriage.

I know this instills much fear in women and men, but yes, some people do have love affairs.

But did they go grocery shopping together?

Probably not. They don't go grocery shopping together now, so I doubt they did then. They did however travel together on "business trips". Now they just travel together.

[Anonymous]

Cassiopeia wrote:I see your point, and I know statistically few second marriages survive (I think the divorce rate is like 70%??). He said he thinks she never loved him, so while there's always blame to go around in relationship problems, in this situation it seems like a basic incompatibility.

I also think that if two people are deeply in love, the real-life crap doesn't matter as much. Especially if those two people spent years with an avoidant spouse who never showed any affection at all, no hugs, no kissing, let alone sexual desire. I think two people coming out of marriages like that would hang on for dear life if given the chance to be together honestly.

To me there's being "in love" where you can't get enough of someone, you love their smell, their taste, you want to know everything about them. The feeling of clicking with someone, of being instantly comfortable. This is a feeling and it's either there or it isn't. And then there's long-term love, where it's a choice, you decide to love someone because you know they're a good person, you've judged them to have a good character, they check off the boxes. I think if after two years this guy is still in love with the OW that a marriage between them would survive.

"She never loved me" is a convenient way to get morally square with your affair - if she never loved him, then she wouldn't be truly hurt that he fell in love with someone else, so he's okay. We don't know her side of it to know if this statement reflects reality.

[Cassiopeia]

Anonymous wrote:My mom had an affair with a married man. He left his wife the summer after his last child graduated HS. They were carrying on for 7 years while he was married, 3 years during the separation to them getting married. They have been married for 12 years now, so together for 22. They truly are soul mates. They both just made a bad choice the first time around. They have now been together longer than the first marriage.

I know this instills much fear in women and men, but yes, some people do have love affairs.

How are his kids now after the divorce? Do they still have a good relationship with him? Do they know that it began with adultery? I'm not judging, just curious about the consequences of divorce after the kids are out of the house.