Ask DH to remove photos of & with ex on Facebook??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure whether I'm being too sensitive or not... DH and I had a good relationship, but after the birth of our baby (8 months ago), things have been very, rocky...lots of general grumpiness and arguments from both of us. We love each other, but the past several months have tested our devotion. Fortunately, in the past couple of weeks, things had started improving. Until...

I recently discovered that DH tried to have sex with another woman while traveling for work a couple months ago. I haven't yet asked him about it, but I've become paranoid because my absolute trust in him has been shattered. (From what I could tell, logistical issues prevented them from actually getting together). In my "what else don't I know about" paranoia, I've started combing through all of his social media posts, and discovered photos he took before we were together, with his ex girlfriend, whom he loved deeply. There are also posts on his Facebook about her, but she isn't in his Friends list. (Though they are connected on LinkedIn)

I'm debating whether I should ask him to take the photos down or not. Does anyone have any advice/thoughts, either pro or con?

DH is someone who practically grilled me on how I know each of my Facebook friends, and let me know that he is not OK with my being friends with Ex-es. (He has another work trip next month, so I plan to wait until he returns to discuss what I learned about his planned tryst from this past summer.)

The funny thing is that I'm normally pretty easy-going, and might not have cared much about the photos at all, if it hadn't been for his attempted tryst!

you realize you have bigger issues right?

[Anonymous]

I get it, you have a baby, only 8 months, and you think you and DH have recommitted to the marriage only to find out that he was planning to cheat on you and perhaps could have already cheated. As others have said the FB photos of the Ex is not the main issue. When DH was scrutinizing your FB friends that was your time to say "whoa buddy, why do you still have Larla's photos up and what is good for the goose is good for the gander". Coming back 3 years later to make this an issue is an attempt at avoiding the real problem. If you think the problem is he may go back to the ex girlfriend aka perhaps the "one that got away" let me tell you that him taking down FB photos or you keeping quiet about the attempts cheating isn't going to stop him if he really wants to get back with the ex and the ex wants to get back with him.

So where does that leave you? You need to decide what you are willing to accept. You say this is out of character but I really question if that is true. Not in the sense that your DH is a serial cheater but more in the sense of taking the easy way out of problems, not unlike you sitting on the information of his attempted affair. There is something in your husband's character that he would try to plan to meet up with another woman rather than staying focused and committed to working out whatever issues you both have or his own personal struggles if it has more to do with him (like dealing with loss in his family) than you. I'm not saying divorce him or leave him. Either he is committed to the marriage, he wants out, or he wants to have his cake and eat it too. I personally have no interest in holding someone in a relationship they don't want to be in or being some sort of back up plan. If you feel the same my advice is if he wants to be married to you and stay married to you, then he needs to figure out why he would choose someone else for a sexual relationship and has to take ownership of his actions. How will he handle that situation in the future if he is feeling fill in the blank, frustrated,upset at work, wondering where his life has gone if this is some sort of mid-life crisis, feeling appreciated other than at home etc. What part does he play in the situation and what is his role in changing the dynamic and communicating with you. There may also be things that you both need to work on as a couple but I believe it starts with both people committing that they will do everything possible to make the marriage work and that can mean individual work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have no business accessing his social media accounts and other personal information.

He is her husband, not a boyfriend. If he was not such a slimeball she won't even care about snooping.

OP - go to his social media and collect evidence that you can use to divorce this man and make sure that you also tell the SO of the Ex about the cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have no business accessing his social media accounts and other personal information.

He is her husband, not a boyfriend. If he was not such a slimeball she won't even care about snooping.

OP - go to his social media and collect evidence that you can use to divorce this man and make sure that you also tell the SO of the Ex about the cheating.

She doesn't need to gather evidence for a divorce. You can divorce just because you feel like it. Also, adultery is no longer a big deal in the court- custody or support won't change due to cheating.

[Anonymous]

My wife had an emotional affair with someone and I found all of these inappropriate texts. Her response was mean and she felt no remorse. I should have realized right there that things were over. In your case, keeping the photos on FB are nothing and you should take it as a waring that things are likely over.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry, OP. You have been clobbered over the head with a 2x4 of your husband's betrayal, and honestly you are acting like it. The old pictures are nothing. Let them go.

Talk to your husband tonight about his near-infidelity. There is much more going on that you don't even know about. Do not wait until he has another trip on which he can cheat. Things may be recoverable at this point. After the next trip, they might not. Fight for your family.