Teacher is mean to my kid...
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Anonymous
or 7. This child has other issues as well and the teacher has to be firm with her because she pushes boundaries. |
Anonymous
| There's firm, and then there's nasty, shaming, and excessively personal. The teacher crossed the line. Even if OP's child was being a showboat (and IMO waving wouldn't qualify, though a lot of other behaviors would), the teacher did not handle it maturely or appropriately. I'm no fan of obnoxious kids, but waving seems harmless and publicly calling out a kid for being a showoff is wrong. |
Anonymous
We have only heard one side of the story. |
Anonymous
You know only what this kid self reported and the mother is reporting here. If the parent is that concerned she should contact the teacher and ask what happened. I don't consider waving harmless when a teacher is trying to set rules and corral kids in an orderly way. One kid waving can turn into 9 kids waving. That isn't orderly. So having a no waving rule seems to certainly have a place in a school line. Regardless, whether you consider it 'harmless' or not, the teacher has a rule and it should be followed unless it could harm the child physically or emotionally. Giving kids allowances (by essentially telling her that the teacher is too strict, never happy, has too many rules, has stupid rules, etc.) is going to confuse the kid to no end. |
Anonymous
New poster here. How is that obnoxious? My 6 year old is also an extrovert and loves to see and be seen. It's her nature to be friendly... I think it's a positive attribute. |
Anonymous
It's not. |
Anonymous
| I taught for years. I knew some pretty strict teachers, but I don't think I've ever known one who would react in that way. There is surely more to this story. |
Anonymous
| Is it possible that the child was not waving appropriately--ugly gestures? That type of thing? |
Anonymous
It could be at the right time, maybe. But loving to "see and be seen" can easily morph into a distracting, indiscreet, or self-centered attitude. Young kids are still learning how to navigate the world. They do not naturally know where the line is. They do not automatically know that in some situations it is more appropriate to be calm and quiet and not draw attention to oneself or distract others, and they do not necessarily automatically know when they are in one of these situations. School, except for recess, is one of these times except as required in the course of a classroom activity. One of my kids is an extrovert who needed some serious guidance (and a lot of practice) to learn to read a situation and regulate her behavior accordingly. One is naturally more quiet and calm, and sometimes had to be coached out of her shell. The teacher decided the waving was distracting, so the waving needed to stop. She was perfectly within her rights to put this limit in place for the OP's child. As for the teacher's statement... I think it probably wasn't the best thing to say because kids that age are very sensitive and not all families communicate in such a direct way, but on the other hand I think there is value in telling a kid how her behavior is coming across if it is off-putting, because they have to learn somehow. It was a very blunt statement, but sometimes that works. I have point blank told my kid something along the lines of "You are coming across as a show-off right now because your behavior says you want everyone to see you and look at you when they are all supposed to be doing something else. That's not OK. Sit down and stop being distracting." So, that's pretty similar to what the teacher said. I would wish that the teacher had taken her aside privately and tried to put her feedback in more constructive terms, but I would never dream of telling my kid the teacher was wrong to say what she said. I try to (outwardly) default to siding with the teacher/the school and supporting them unless something outrageous has occurred. To me this would not qualify. I would tell my child I was sorry she was upset. I would sympathize with her that the teacher was not very diplomatic, but some people communicate in a very blunt way and if that is the person's personality we need to adapt to that. I would tell her I'm sorry she was embarrassed at being chastised, but it is possible to avoid future embarrassment at being called out for improper behavior by following the "no waving" rule. I would then reframe the teacher's statement into a more constructive format and help DD work on behavior modification for the future to come across as outgoing and friendly without being "showy". |
Anonymous
Wrong, wrong, wrong. Extroverts win all of the accolades in every field. Go back to your bitter little life. You are probably a lawyer wondering why your gawky, awkward self is never going to make partner. |
Anonymous
| Wow, you have a short fuse. I hope you don't have kids. |
Anonymous
What dumb thing to say. Of course it can be a positive attribute. And it can be a negative attribute. Like pretty much any other personality trait. |
Anonymous
+1 Our child had a teacher like this last year...she was a miserable human being and really liked to make others feel like that too... |
Anonymous
| My guess is that if a teacher really said that then your child is an ongoing problem and ignores the rules. The fact that you think that your child couldn't possibly let her friend pass by without waving to her despite being told to stop indicates that you also need to learn that the world doesn't revolve around your kid. |
Anonymous
Eh, I'm not sure. My child had a K teacher who would have said something like this. In fact, I wonder if op would be willing to tell us where her dd attends school? |