Considering Divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should leave. Your husband sounds like a good guy and he deserves much better.

Your DH probably married you to have kids, too. So, I wouldn't worry about him or his feelings. You both probably used each other to get what you "wanted" and now that you have it, you're still not happy.

Move on. You'll both meet other people. Don't have any more kids together. Your child will be fine.

[Anonymous]

"My point being that the scenario you are describing is a ridiculous reason to implode a family. I'm getting a divorce because it is the healthiest solution and the only way to mitigate the damage to myself any my kids. A marriage to an emotionally abusive and unhealthy spouse is light years away from "I want more passion in my life, I deserve that". You need to think about what your DD deserves. If you and your DH are going through a rough patch, go get some therapy. And get some individual therapy while you are at it. You seem to have NO idea what an adult relationship entails, and what marriage means. Learn it and do it."

+1 million

As a divorced woman in the dating world, who also left her toxic marriage, I promise you that it is incredibly easy to look at someone from afar and believe that the relationship will be better, easier, more passionate . . . but the reality is that there are very few men that you will encounter as a divorcee who will have that passion plus the emotional and financial security you'll want for a LTR, especially with a child in the picture. So the question for you is: Are you prepared to spend the rest of your life alone, at the expense of your daughter's future happiness, in order to be "free" of your marriage?

[Anonymous]

You are a fool OP , plain and simple. I feel very sorry for your DD

[Anonymous]

This is the kind of thing you think about and quickly snap back to reality. I mean c'mon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is my DW. Where did we go on our first date OP?

Like she would answer and blow her cover!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Yes, there is someone else too. But, no, I would not leave just to be with this person (they are married too). However, the passion I've felt in the brief time I've known this person has made me think I'm missing out. I want true love. I've seen it in others. I know chemistry is fleeting but isn't it a sign that things won't work if the chemistry was never there to begin with?

Am I the only one wondering about the decided lack of pronouns in this part of OP's original post?

More to the story, OP?

[Anonymous]

OP did you really NEVER have a connection with your husband? I don't understand this. How could you have willingly gotten married and pregnant on purpose? I suspect that maybe there was at least some kind of connection, but you are having selective memory because this other man is clouding your judgement.

You owe it to your spouse and to your daughter to get counseling. I don't think you realize how much damage this will do to her. You want to dump your husband for "true love"?

Snap out of it seriously. This is really a case of the "grass is greener" on the other side. I think you need to talk with some single Mom's to realize just what you would be signing up for.

Here is what I see happening:

You dump your husband
You wait for "other man" to leave his wife and it never happens.
Meanwhile you live in a measly condo by yourself, only see your daughter part of the time - who by the way will grown up resenting you, and you realize raising a child with your ex is not as easy and harmonious as you thought it would be.
You realize you aren't young and in your prime anymore and any man you are interested in is more interested in women 10 years younger without the excess baggage.
Your ex-husband gets remarried (because why wouldn't he if he is such a great dad, person etc)
And then, only then do you realize the colossal mistake you made.

[Anonymous]

She had a connection with him. Of course she did. People in her frame of might twist history to suit their needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Yes, there is someone else too. But, no, I would not leave just to be with this person (they are married too). However, the passion I've felt in the brief time I've known this person has made me think I'm missing out. I want true love. I've seen it in others. I know chemistry is fleeting but isn't it a sign that things won't work if the chemistry was never there to begin with?

Am I the only one wondering about the decided lack of pronouns in this part of OP's original post?

More to the story, OP?

Yeah if you are gay then go ahead and divorce b.c you will never be able to love a man.

[Anonymous]

You are a spoiled fool. A lot of hard knocks are coming your way.

[Anonymous]

Free up your husband. I'll take him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, thank you for being honest. W/yourself. Who really cares if anyone on here judges or berates you? None of us on here is perfect + honestly, we ALL have made mistakes in the name of love thus we ALL have our own crosses to bear as well.

I say, as long as you remain married to this man, you will always be selling yourself short in life. Sure, you were very vulnerable when you married him and I totally get the whole "comfort" thing regarding why you stayed w/him. However, you shouldn't punish yourself for the rest of your life just over one mistake.

I understand you have a child together, but that shouldn't keep you from living the life you deserve to live.

What you are craving is passion and yes, after awhile marriages tend to lose some of this, but your marriage never had it to begin w/.

Your husband does not sound like a bad man, he just doesn't sound like the right man for YOU. And no amount of counseling will magically make you fall helplessly in love w/him. I don't know any therapists who can sprinkle "Fairy Dust" unto people to make that magic happen.

Life is too short to settle for 2nd best OP.
You need to live life to its fullest extent and only you know the best way to start.

GL.

Yes. OP. You need to live life to its fullest. So go live it, and fuc! some married men and wrecks some homes while you are at it. After all, you DESERVE to be happy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you are confusing excitement and passion for "true love."
They aren't the same. True love takes effort and complete giving of yourself. Grand passions flame out.

Get solo counseling...not couples! You need to figure some stuff out about yourself.

OP again: No, I'm not. I know true love takes effort, and that all passion fades over time. But what if you've never felt a connection to begin with...[/quote

OP you sound like a horrible person. You chose to marry him, you have children and you say that he is a good guy that hasn't changed.

[Anonymous]

Your husband does not deserve you OP. My wife didn't either and fell for the same mid-life crisis. She's still miserable, but now is alone and jealous of all that I have.