S/O - anyone ever reversed a non-physical marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think many women marry men who they're not necessarily highly attracted to in the first place, even before kids, because they are compatible in other important ways. But if sex wasn't ever one of the things connecting them to their partner then there's nothing to rekindle later when life becomes more stressful and they're feeling disconnected from their partner. I believe that if a sexual spark was there in the beginning it can be jump started, but if it was never there then it never will be.

I think this is entirely accurate. I honestly would not care if my husband had an affair. Let him do what he needs.

I agree as well, on all fronts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...hit her late 30s and for whatever reason became more interested. I think that this happens to many women (from what I hear).

This is very common because estrogen starts to decline, and testosterone remains, so their libido climbs.

The hormones definitely helped us. I hit 38 and started thinking about sex all the time. DH and I had sex maybe twice a year. We had seen a therapist, talked about it, read books and videos, but with kids things had just declined. Then my hormones went crazy and now there are times of the month when I literally tell him I need to be serviced. He's appreciative, but not as interested as I'd like. But it's been great for our sex life and our marriage, and is reversing our old lazy pattern. We had been in a sexless marriage for about 6 years.

I think it is reversible if both people want to reverse it. Therapy also helped us some. We saw a psychologist who specifically worked with couples in sexless marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think many women marry men who they're not necessarily highly attracted to in the first place, even before kids, because they are compatible in other important ways. But if sex wasn't ever one of the things connecting them to their partner then there's nothing to rekindle later when life becomes more stressful and they're feeling disconnected from their partner. I believe that if a sexual spark was there in the beginning it can be jump started, but if it was never there then it never will be.

I think this is entirely accurate. I honestly would not care if my husband had an affair. Let him do what he needs.

I love you so much, honey!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BTW - I have also found that a HUGE number of men are uninterested in sex, or have low confidence because of ED, PE or very small penises.

I thought that men would always want sex. And for women with such husbands it is a very shocking rejection that cuts deep.

Well said.

+100
Im one of those wives. No idea what to do. We try to talk about it but that seems to make him feel even less confident. Im starting to get resentful now because I don't know why I have to give up this huge part of my life. But I will not leave him over this.

Why not leave him? Is he trying to work on his problems?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a guy in a low sex marriage, I wouldn't mind rebuilding romance and intimacy as a precursor to restoring our sex life. I just have absolutely no faith that it will. I feel like I've been a good rule follower, done everything that I was supposed to do - I work hard, I'm always respectful, I'm an active and goo dad - and yet my sex life still deteriorated. Meanwhile, it seems like there are plenty of guys who don't do half of what I do for their families who are getting laid plenty. So, I feel like a chump. Like date nights and other romantic gestures are just one more hoop I'll jump through with no improvement. Lack of trust, basically.

You are in the cliché situation of being cheated on. Being a good dad and husband (so you say, anyway) but, for whatever reason, she doesn't view you as the exciting, anamialistic, passionate partner. That's the other guy.

Not saying this is what's going on, but it sure follows that pattern. And if you say, "Trust me, she would not be able to find the time to do that," you've simply *continued* the pattern, rather than state a good counter-example.

Let's face it, and no matter how unpopular this opinion is, both men and women often look at members of the opposite sex as either 1) good person, good qualities, not much excitement, good partner or 2) sexy, exciting, unpredictable, uninhibited. The problem is, each type of person's traits is mostly mutually exclusive of the other.

I so disagree - my husband is at his most attractive when he's being helpful. It makes me happy on many levels to know that he's part of the team with me. I wouldn't say that a helpful husband is therefore a chump at all. Maybe just poorly matched.