Would you move to another state if you were divorced and had kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - he is as involved as he can be. They were only married for two years, after first kid was born. It was a mistake and she has always been extremely difficult to deal with. She doesn't allow him to be involved past a certain point. One kid is in high school and the other in middle school. He is definitely concerned, but overall I think men are able to compartmentalize emotions/issues when making decisions. I forgot to add that most of his family lives in the DC area, another reason I feel bad, though you really can't be tied to a certain place because of this. We also have two young kids together.

I know that it will be best for us to live and work somewhere that we want to establish roots but I also know that I am going to be the scapegoat for the decision and will feel guilty leaving. The other option is to wait until the kids graduate high school, but by then our kids will be older and it will be harder to move them from their elementary school and life here.

How does he have a kid in high school and a kid in middle school and yet was divorced two years after the first kid? Did they have second child after divorce? It was a mistake twice?

She might be difficult but he clearly didn't want to put up a fight either. He had legal rights. Period. Lots of people make this decision but don't make up bullshit excuses for him. It sucks for those kids. And don't think they don't get it.

I agree, the timeline seems off. My BS meter is going off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, he sees his kids once every two weeks? A real catch you have there.

Many dads have every other weekend and every other holiday agreements. It used to be the standard.

My DH had every other weEkend when we first started dating but he still went out of his way to see his daughter nearly every day. He picked her up from school, ran errands with her, did homework, even had dinner some nights before his ex got home. No way would he let two whole weeks go by.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - he is as involved as he can be. They were only married for two years, after first kid was born. It was a mistake and she has always been extremely difficult to deal with. She doesn't allow him to be involved past a certain point. One kid is in high school and the other in middle school. He is definitely concerned, but overall I think men are able to compartmentalize emotions/issues when making decisions. I forgot to add that most of his family lives in the DC area, another reason I feel bad, though you really can't be tied to a certain place because of this. We also have two young kids together.

I know that it will be best for us to live and work somewhere that we want to establish roots but I also know that I am going to be the scapegoat for the decision and will feel guilty leaving. The other option is to wait until the kids graduate high school, but by then our kids will be older and it will be harder to move them from their elementary school and life here.

How does he have a kid in high school and a kid in middle school and yet was divorced two years after the first kid? Did they have second child after divorce? It was a mistake twice?

She might be difficult but he clearly didn't want to put up a fight either. He had legal rights. Period. Lots of people make this decision but don't make up bullshit excuses for him. It sucks for those kids. And don't think they don't get it.

I agree, the timeline seems off. My BS meter is going off.

.


Last year we had an 8th grader and a 10th grader, so middle school and high school. They are 21 months apart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why the hell would anyone want to move to Arizona? I'm from there and would never move back.

I'm from there too and would move back, even though I love it here.

[Anonymous]

OP- You need to find a way to get your husband to be the parent of his four children and not over focus on the two younger ones you have together. How his relationship is with his older children will have a direct impact on his relationship with your kids together, too. Do not think that once the younger one is in college that going off into the sunset of Arizona or wherever will make his two older sons disappear. Stay where it is best for your stepsons to be close to their father and try an encourage him to establish what now should be an easier and gradually more adult relationship in terms of being able to find commonality of interests in sports, attending school events, looking at colleges etc. I assume he is going to be willing to provide a fair support for college, too. Moving with elementary or middle school aged children will not be impossible. I am hopeful that you have posted to get encouragement to do what in your heart you know is the right thing. DH needs to remember that he is a DAD to four and not just two children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - he is as involved as he can be. They were only married for two years, after first kid was born. It was a mistake and she has always been extremely difficult to deal with. She doesn't allow him to be involved past a certain point. One kid is in high school and the other in middle school. He is definitely concerned, but overall I think men are able to compartmentalize emotions/issues when making decisions. I forgot to add that most of his family lives in the DC area, another reason I feel bad, though you really can't be tied to a certain place because of this. We also have two young kids together.

I know that it will be best for us to live and work somewhere that we want to establish roots but I also know that I am going to be the scapegoat for the decision and will feel guilty leaving. The other option is to wait until the kids graduate high school, but by then our kids will be older and it will be harder to move them from their elementary school and life here.

How does he have a kid in high school and a kid in middle school and yet was divorced two years after the first kid? Did they have second child after divorce? It was a mistake twice?

She might be difficult but he clearly didn't want to put up a fight either. He had legal rights. Period. Lots of people make this decision but don't make up bullshit excuses for him. It sucks for those kids. And don't think they don't get it.

OP said they were married for two years AFTER the first kid was born. I think this means they had their first child before they got married, which doesn't necessarily mean they got divorced two years after the first child was born. And even if they did, a two-year age gap is common enough, isn't it? Depending on the school district, can't the kids be in 8th and 10th grades for this to make sense?

[Anonymous]

Ok, I'm confusing myself. I think it means the timeline is something like this:
1. child one is born
2. marriage, at which point the the two year timeline begins
3. child two is born
4. divorce, two years after the marriage (NOT two years after the birth of the first child).