Would you move to another state if you were divorced and had kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That you would even consider this is mind boggling to me.
I would be all up in his a** for even considering this and seriously wondering why I married a man who thinks this even an option.
Heck, when I got married I would not even consider having my new DH and SD move across town into my brand new house because it would mean SD would have to change schools.
SMH!

Exactly this. These kids are in ms and hs--they need all the parenting support and love they can get. You said that the mother wasn't so great, so that means they need their dad CLOSE BY even more. Kids are not an accessory that you put on and take off when you're done. He can wait until they're out of hs.

And what happens after high school, they magically don't need their dad anymore? There is never a good time.

[Anonymous]

So many guys are getting primary custody and joint custody is the default in DC. I'm just not buying the "evil mother" story, because fathers have more rights today.

Moving to AZ when the kids haven't been here long is saying something to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many guys are getting primary custody and joint custody is the default in DC. I'm just not buying the "evil mother" story, because fathers have more rights today.

Moving to AZ when the kids haven't been here long is saying something to them.

if the kids are in their teens now and custody was established over a decade ago, likely when parents were in their early 20s, then it was not going to be 50/50 and no judge is going to change it with only a few years to go, nor is it worth changing if kids are used to living with their mother. It may be the default now, but judges are not going to rehear every case from the 90s to change agreements unless the father wants more or there is a reason to change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That you would even consider this is mind boggling to me.
I would be all up in his a** for even considering this and seriously wondering why I married a man who thinks this even an option.
Heck, when I got married I would not even consider having my new DH and SD move across town into my brand new house because it would mean SD would have to change schools.
SMH!

Exactly this. These kids are in ms and hs--they need all the parenting support and love they can get. You said that the mother wasn't so great, so that means they need their dad CLOSE BY even more. Kids are not an accessory that you put on and take off when you're done. He can wait until they're out of hs.

And what happens after high school, they magically don't need their dad anymore? There is never a good time.

There is never a "good" time, but these kinds of transitions can become easier as the kids move toward adulthood and have the maturity to see outside of themselves a bit more and not need their parents' proximity quite so much. After all, the kids may eventually go away to college, certainly hope they will eventually move out of parents' homes and create their own households. It's not like they'll live as a nuclear family unit forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like he's already not involved in his children's lives and being a dad is not a priority. He saw his kids 3 times a year for five years??? There is no way in hell I would ever allow that to happen. The kids already have the message loud and clear that they are not his priority. He's saying things that indicate he'd like to move. He's making the argument to move while you are the one who is concerned about the impact on the kids, further proving they're not a priority. So move to Arizona.

+1

I feel sorry for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's terrible that their mom moved away. What an awful thing to do to kids. I would absolutely not move away from my children while they are still in high school or younger, and I would have no respect for my husband if he abandoned his kids like that. Just because his ex did it doesn't make it right.

The father could have negotiated no move was allowed in custody agreement when it was hammered out, particularly if they had joint custody, which I'm guessing he never wanted or didn't get for a good reason. This stipulation is made all the time.

He probably was an absentee father from pre-divorce.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's terrible that their mom moved away. What an awful thing to do to kids. I would absolutely not move away from my children while they are still in high school or younger, and I would have no respect for my husband if he abandoned his kids like that. Just because his ex did it doesn't make it right.

The father could have negotiated no move was allowed in custody agreement when it was hammered out, particularly if they had joint custody, which I'm guessing he never wanted or didn't get for a good reason. This stipulation is made all the time.

He probably was an absentee father from pre-divorce.

Not OP, but obviously you are clueless if you think that it is that easy for a father to get custody or even 50/50. Years ago, the best dads got was every other weekend and a few weeks in the summer. Many of those orders are still in effect as judges don't like to change status quo.

OP, in our situation with very limited contact due to the mom, I would move if it were best for our family. If he seems them a lot and is very involved, then you have to look at the total situation. If mom doesn't support visitation, then I would go and just be prepared to pay for plane tickets a few times a year for visits. Reality is if he doesn't have 50/50 and just 2 weeks a month, the contact is positive for the kids but not that substantial when you look at it over a year.

Exactly this. And people negotiating for custody in their 20s didn't think to put no moving stipulations, nor were many dads capable of 50/50 physical custody.

I'm 12:53. Maybe my friend's husband was the only guy thinking of this. Seems crazy to me that people just let their kids go like this, but ok. And why aren't the dads capable of physical custody exactly? They might not want to do it, but not capable?

+1
BS. They were just too lazy to take on the kids. How is it that women manage 100 % custody and work at the same time but some of these "dads" can't manage 50%? Guess they are too busy with their social life....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's terrible that their mom moved away. What an awful thing to do to kids. I would absolutely not move away from my children while they are still in high school or younger, and I would have no respect for my husband if he abandoned his kids like that. Just because his ex did it doesn't make it right.

The father could have negotiated no move was allowed in custody agreement when it was hammered out, particularly if they had joint custody, which I'm guessing he never wanted or didn't get for a good reason. This stipulation is made all the time.

He probably was an absentee father from pre-divorce.

Not OP, but obviously you are clueless if you think that it is that easy for a father to get custody or even 50/50. Years ago, the best dads got was every other weekend and a few weeks in the summer. Many of those orders are still in effect as judges don't like to change status quo.

OP, in our situation with very limited contact due to the mom, I would move if it were best for our family. If he seems them a lot and is very involved, then you have to look at the total situation. If mom doesn't support visitation, then I would go and just be prepared to pay for plane tickets a few times a year for visits. Reality is if he doesn't have 50/50 and just 2 weeks a month, the contact is positive for the kids but not that substantial when you look at it over a year.

Exactly this. And people negotiating for custody in their 20s didn't think to put no moving stipulations, nor were many dads capable of 50/50 physical custody.

I'm 12:53. Maybe my friend's husband was the only guy thinking of this. Seems crazy to me that people just let their kids go like this, but ok. And why aren't the dads capable of physical custody exactly? They might not want to do it, but not capable?

+1
BS. They were just too lazy to take on the kids. How is it that women manage 100 % custody and work at the same time but some of these "dads" can't manage 50%? Guess they are too busy with their social life....

A 23 year old guy really isn't capable. At least not without support and not when kids are babies or toddlers. People need to be realistic.

[Anonymous]

But a 23 yo woman is? Bullshit.

[Anonymous]

OP, he sees his kids once every two weeks? A real catch you have there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, he sees his kids once every two weeks? A real catch you have there.

Many dads have every other weekend and every other holiday agreements. It used to be the standard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That you would even consider this is mind boggling to me.
I would be all up in his a** for even considering this and seriously wondering why I married a man who thinks this even an option.
Heck, when I got married I would not even consider having my new DH and SD move across town into my brand new house because it would mean SD would have to change schools.
SMH!

Exactly this. These kids are in ms and hs--they need all the parenting support and love they can get. You said that the mother wasn't so great, so that means they need their dad CLOSE BY even more. Kids are not an accessory that you put on and take off when you're done. He can wait until they're out of hs.

And what happens after high school, they magically don't need their dad anymore? There is never a good time.

No, BRANIAC! they grow up and go to college maybe even one close to where their dad moved to --

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That you would even consider this is mind boggling to me.
I would be all up in his a** for even considering this and seriously wondering why I married a man who thinks this even an option.
Heck, when I got married I would not even consider having my new DH and SD move across town into my brand new house because it would mean SD would have to change schools.
SMH!

Exactly this. These kids are in ms and hs--they need all the parenting support and love they can get. You said that the mother wasn't so great, so that means they need their dad CLOSE BY even more. Kids are not an accessory that you put on and take off when you're done. He can wait until they're out of hs.

And what happens after high school, they magically don't need their dad anymore? There is never a good time.

No, BRANIAC! they grow up and go to college maybe even one close to where their dad moved to --

What a gilded life you live. Not everyone goes to college and not everyone who does can afford to go away to college out of state.

[Anonymous]

At a certain point you need to assess what is best for your family without doing harm to the other two kids. Maybe they'll develop a closer relationship with their dad being able to bond for longer periods of time rather than every other weekend. Maybe during those times, he could devote his attention solely to them rather than being divided between the younger kids and his new wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That you would even consider this is mind boggling to me.
I would be all up in his a** for even considering this and seriously wondering why I married a man who thinks this even an option.
Heck, when I got married I would not even consider having my new DH and SD move across town into my brand new house because it would mean SD would have to change schools.
SMH!

Exactly this. These kids are in ms and hs--they need all the parenting support and love they can get. You said that the mother wasn't so great, so that means they need their dad CLOSE BY even more. Kids are not an accessory that you put on and take off when you're done. He can wait until they're out of hs.

And what happens after high school, they magically don't need their dad anymore? There is never a good time.

No, BRANIAC! they grow up and go to college maybe even one close to where their dad moved to --

What a gilded life you live. Not everyone goes to college and not everyone who does can afford to go away to college out of state.

Brainiac strikes again, did you miss the word " maybe" in my response ???
Did you also miss the phrase "grow up"???