s/o redshirting an advanced girl

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Redshirting is for kids who are not academically ready, not for kids who are advanced!! What do you think is going to happen to a bright child if you redshirt her? She is going to be bored out of her mind, which could cause serious problems down the line. Seriously, this is one of the weirder things I have read here: my child should be held back because she is advanced??

My title for the thread I admit, is misleading. This is not about holding back a child because she is advanced. Being advanced is a symptom of her nature. Driven, not balanced and not interested in creative role playing as much as achievement. Advanced kids become average and vice versa - I get it. However, being well adjusted and balanced will hopefully contribute to good friendships and long term happiness along the way.

I agree with you though. Holding her back in Pre-K may backfire in other ways and be compounded by her need to overachieve in every situation.

I should have asked how to get her to just be a child and calm the f*$k down

You have some intense expectations for a four year old! Where is the belief you have that children need to be balanced, interested in role playing, and not driven, coming from? The possible gender implications of this are hard to ignore. Is it because she's not conforming to a girl stereotype of being other-focused and into creative play? Can you picture saying that a boy was too focused on achievement?

Are you projecting something here? Do you feel you yourself are too driven and missed opportunities to take it easier? Are you seeing yourself in your daughter?

Conversely, are their specific negatives that you are overlooking? Is there some kind of concrete problem with social skills that you need to pay attention to? Focusing on her achievement level isn't going to fix that, if that's the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Redshirting is for kids who are not academically ready, not for kids who are advanced!! What do you think is going to happen to a bright child if you redshirt her? She is going to be bored out of her mind, which could cause serious problems down the line. Seriously, this is one of the weirder things I have read here: my child should be held back because she is advanced??

My title for the thread I admit, is misleading. This is not about holding back a child because she is advanced. Being advanced is a symptom of her nature. Driven, not balanced and not interested in creative role playing as much as achievement. Advanced kids become average and vice versa - I get it. However, being well adjusted and balanced will hopefully contribute to good friendships and long term happiness along the way.

I agree with you though. Holding her back in Pre-K may backfire in other ways and be compounded by her need to overachieve in every situation.

I should have asked how to get her to just be a child and calm the f*$k down

You have some intense expectations for a four year old! Where is the belief you have that children need to be balanced, interested in role playing, and not driven, coming from? The possible gender implications of this are hard to ignore. Is it because she's not conforming to a girl stereotype of being other-focused and into creative play? Can you picture saying that a boy was too focused on achievement?

Are you projecting something here? Do you feel you yourself are too driven and missed opportunities to take it easier? Are you seeing yourself in your daughter?

Conversely, are their specific negatives that you are overlooking? Is there some kind of concrete problem with social skills that you need to pay attention to? Focusing on her achievement level isn't going to fix that, if that's the problem.

OP here. I'm not sure where to begin responding but let me say this. I want a balanced life for BOTH my children, with friendships from all walks of life including their age peers, perspective and the ability to buoy the highs and lows life has to offer. If that means having to give up a little advancement or drive in the short run then so be it. I love that my son has that naturally - he is easy going, rebounds quickly from disappointment but is also now at 9 years, pulling far ahead of his peers academically. I would totally be worried if my son was overly focused on achievement.

My daughter is nothing like me, which is why I am here on an anonymous forum trying to make sense of what is going on in her head and how to best shepherd her through so she grows up to be 'my definition' of happy. You are right though. It is my definition of what makes for a fine adult and the qualities I seek in my friends. She is not me and may find happiness her way.

WRT to her social skills, she does need to work on her social interactions with peers. Her closest in age best friends are 9 months older than her and many of the kids she prefers to hang out with are 6-7. They like her, include her in their play. I'm hoping that a play based environment helps with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you're very thoughtful, OP. We actually sent through something similar with our DD last year. We were in a Montessori and moved her to a play-based school where she would have 0 academics. Seriously, most of the kids barely knew the alphabet at age 5 and that was just fine. This is a school located in one of the highest income parts of the DC metro area and most of the parents are highly educated so no one really needed to know the alphabet at that age and it's clear they will all do just fine in K.

She's still a driven kid (it's just her nature) but that year in a play-based program REALLY made her stop and think about other things like art and beauty and kindness, being socially responsible. Things you can't really measure or rank. It is the best decision we ever made.

I'm not saying you should hold your child back if she's that advanced but it was really a happy year for our DD.

Thank you for sharing your experience. I am optimistic for the school year ahead. The statement above really resonates with my values about raising a child with these values.

[Anonymous]

Redshirting is for kids who are not academically ready,

That is a misconception. The kids who benefit are the ones who are not emotionally ready. Plenty of very bright kids benefit from redshirting if they are immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Redshirting is for kids who are not academically ready,

That is a misconception. The kids who benefit are the ones who are not emotionally ready. Plenty of very bright kids benefit from redshirting if they are immature.

So a kid who is too immature for Kindergarten but academically bright should be held back.

A year later why is that child ready now to be a mature 6 yo Kindergartner but not a mature 6 yo first-grader, if academic readiness is not the issue?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Redshirting is for kids who are not academically ready, not for kids who are advanced!! What do you think is going to happen to a bright child if you redshirt her? She is going to be bored out of her mind, which could cause serious problems down the line. Seriously, this is one of the weirder things I have read here: my child should be held back because she is advanced??

My title for the thread I admit, is misleading. This is not about holding back a child because she is advanced. Being advanced is a symptom of her nature. Driven, not balanced and not interested in creative role playing as much as achievement. Advanced kids become average and vice versa - I get it. However, being well adjusted and balanced will hopefully contribute to good friendships and long term happiness along the way.

I agree with you though. Holding her back in Pre-K may backfire in other ways and be compounded by her need to overachieve in every situation.

I should have asked how to get her to just be a child and calm the f*$k down

You have some intense expectations for a four year old! Where is the belief you have that children need to be balanced, interested in role playing, and not driven, coming from? The possible gender implications of this are hard to ignore. Is it because she's not conforming to a girl stereotype of being other-focused and into creative play? Can you picture saying that a boy was too focused on achievement?

Are you projecting something here? Do you feel you yourself are too driven and missed opportunities to take it easier? Are you seeing yourself in your daughter?

Conversely, are their specific negatives that you are overlooking? Is there some kind of concrete problem with social skills that you need to pay attention to? Focusing on her achievement level isn't going to fix that, if that's the problem.

OP here. I'm not sure where to begin responding but let me say this. I want a balanced life for BOTH my children, with friendships from all walks of life including their age peers, perspective and the ability to buoy the highs and lows life has to offer. If that means having to give up a little advancement or drive in the short run then so be it. I love that my son has that naturally - he is easy going, rebounds quickly from disappointment but is also now at 9 years, pulling far ahead of his peers academically. I would totally be worried if my son was overly focused on achievement.

My daughter is nothing like me, which is why I am here on an anonymous forum trying to make sense of what is going on in her head and how to best shepherd her through so she grows up to be 'my definition' of happy. You are right though. It is my definition of what makes for a fine adult and the qualities I seek in my friends. She is not me and may find happiness her way.

WRT to her social skills, she does need to work on her social interactions with peers. Her closest in age best friends are 9 months older than her and many of the kids she prefers to hang out with are 6-7. They like her, include her in their play. I'm hoping that a play based environment helps with that.

She IS just being a child. She's just not being the kind of child you think she should be. As long as you aren't pushing her or pressuring her, and make clear to her that you love her regardless of her accomplishments, and give her opportunities for unstructured play, you're doing what you need to do. She may just be a more intense kid, and you aren't going to change that by holding her back in school or switching schools or anything else. You can help by teaching her how to make the best of who she is--strategies for coping with disappointment/not being the very best, ways to moderate a competitive nature when needed for the sake of friendships, etc. It will be more challenging for you than parenting the son who is more like you, that is for sure.

But you need to learn to accept your daughter for who she is. It sounds like she's doing well socially--older kids like her and play with her, which suggests that she is not disruptive, knows how to get along and go along with others, etc. That suggests that she is maybe more socially mature than many of her peers. As long as she is polite, friendly, and kind to her peers, she's fine. It's not really a big deal that she likes kids who are slightly older--her peers will catch up soon. Plus, if she prefers slightly older kids, holding her back so that her classmates are even younger is really not going to help matters.

[Anonymous]

OP, I fear this would be the beginning of your daughter's resentment of you - for orchestrating her life.

She is who she is. It's the whole package.

[Anonymous]

My DD arrived 6 weeks early and has always been the type to push ahead, get things done, check things off a list. She is competitive and ambitious. Not smell the roses type. In college at a picturesque New England university (a new part of the country for her) we asked on the phone if she was enjoying the fall colors, "have the leaves changed?". She called to her roommate across the room, "hey Jen! have the leaves changed?"

She is liked/respected. Her friends know how hard she works for her academic success. They know it's very important to her. One thing I never did was skew things to her academic advantage (redshirting, special GT testing)

Your DD will be liked for who she is - but let her be genuine. Other kids respect that, they sense it. Send her on time.

[Anonymous]

OP, my kids are almost 5 years apart and #2 is always trying to keep up with his older brother, now 10yo. He is absolutely in a different place as he gets ready to start K in a few weeks than his older brother was at the same milestone. He also gravitates to older kids on the playground, has a vocabulary and pop culture tastes better suited to a 5th grader than a K student, etc etc. I think this is very very very typical of kids who are not first-borns. Holding your child back won't change those dynamics. And btw, a lot of the kids starting K aren't first borns either, and they will be at all different levels of readiness and developmental stage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Redshirting is for kids who are not academically ready,


That is a misconception. The kids who benefit are the ones who are not emotionally ready. Plenty of very bright kids benefit from redshirting if they are immature.

So a kid who is too immature for Kindergarten but academically bright should be held back.

A year later why is that child ready now to be a mature 6 yo Kindergartner but not a mature 6 yo first-grader, if academic readiness is not the issue?

Because Kindergarten is not first grade.

[Anonymous]

A year later why is that child ready now to be a mature 6 yo Kindergartner but not a mature 6 yo first-grader, if academic readiness is not the issue?

Because the child is emotionally at the level of a Kindergartener.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

A year later why is that child ready now to be a mature 6 yo Kindergartner but not a mature 6 yo first-grader, if academic readiness is not the issue?

Because the child is emotionally at the level of a Kindergartener.

Not pp, but could you elaborate? I also don't quite understand the distinction that one year of maturation is good before kindergarten but won't happen during kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

I also don't quite understand the distinction that one year of maturation is good before kindergarten but won't happen during kindergarten.

It is an issue of being on a similar maturity level to the other kids in the class. Of course, my thoughts about redshirting apply to those on the cusp--not those born in January.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Redshirting is for kids who are not academically ready,

That is a misconception. The kids who benefit are the ones who are not emotionally ready. Plenty of very bright kids benefit from redshirting if they are immature.

Any research on this? If you redshirt a very bright, quirky kid (and maybe you interpret quirkiness as immaturity) I think you might end up with a bored, isolated child who can relate even less to her classmates now. Op's child already gravitates to older kids - for the life of me, I cannot understand why sticking her with even younger kids is a good idea?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Redshirting is for kids who are not academically ready,

That is a misconception. The kids who benefit are the ones who are not emotionally ready. Plenty of very bright kids benefit from redshirting if they are immature.

Any research on this? If you redshirt a very bright, quirky kid (and maybe you interpret quirkiness as immaturity) I think you might end up with a bored, isolated child who can relate even less to her classmates now. Op's child already gravitates to older kids - for the life of me, I cannot understand why sticking her with even younger kids is a good idea?

That is why I thought the OP should consider grade skipping. Not that she should definitely do it but she should think outside of her own box and really see what benefit her DD's unique needs rather than her own perceived notion of what a childhood should look lie.