Lay It On Me...Was I Wrong Here...??

[Anonymous]

I don't necessarily think OP shouldn't move to Utah, it seems to be what is best for her family and opportunities aren't always easy to come by and OP isn't obligated to live in the house for 30,20 even 10 years really. BUT and BIG BUT- this was NOT the way to go about this.

This person is clearly a great friend and decided to make an investment that would directly benefit the OP. Why would you leave a message and send a letter?!

You really should have gone to your friend, told her about the opportunity and how you know the timing is quick and worked out a plan. Maybe husband would go first and you would be behind for 3-6 months or something (he could rent a really cheap studio or something while looking for the family residence if money is an issue) you would help secure renters, you would NOT leave them in the lurch.

I think its more the ridiculously short "notice" you gave to friends that is a problem. At the end of the day, the friends have a real estate investment so I believe if you had gone about this differently WITH them, talking about wanting to move to family and taking an opportunity that may not come again this could have all gone very differently and they might have even wished you well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make sure you help your friend in every way possible. Make sure you cover any financial losses they may incur. Remember to be grateful to them for helping you out. Apologize profusely for the way you let her know and for the inconvenience.

Why? This is just terrible advice. The Helen wasn't helping the OP, she was helping herself in some way. The whole deal is just odd and weird and it's not on OP

Op is an azz friend who helped HH make this whole shady arrangement possible. Yes, it is on Op for being a craptastic person and a shitty friend. It absolutely is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Legally, you are all in the wrong as you all committed fraud on the mortgage company. You are all guilty of a crime.

Morally, yes, OP, you are in the wrong. For the favor HH provided to you the bare minimum notice should've been 3 months, but 6 months preferred. Your husband should've gone to Utah to start his job without you while you stayed on for the extra time so that HH could find new tenants.

This, and also, what about the kids in your day care? Did you only give those parents 30 days notice too? I would have been pissed.

Yeah, who cares about Helpful Helen and Awful Amy. What about the parents of the children in the day care? Thirty days is not enough to find a vet child care new child care options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Legally, you are all in the wrong as you all committed fraud on the mortgage company. You are all guilty of a crime.

Morally, yes, OP, you are in the wrong. For the favor HH provided to you the bare minimum notice should've been 3 months, but 6 months preferred. Your husband should've gone to Utah to start his job without you while you stayed on for the extra time so that HH could find new tenants.

This, and also, what about the kids in your day care? Did you only give those parents 30 days notice too? I would have been pissed.

Yeah, who cares about Helpful Helen and Awful Amy. What about the parents of the children in the day care? Thirty days is not enough to find a vet child care new child care options.

If Op had had a medical emergency the same thing could have happened to those families unfortunately, only more suddenly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't necessarily think OP shouldn't move to Utah, it seems to be what is best for her family and opportunities aren't always easy to come by and OP isn't obligated to live in the house for 30,20 even 10 years really. BUT and BIG BUT- this was NOT the way to go about this.

This person is clearly a great friend and decided to make an investment that would directly benefit the OP. Why would you leave a message and send a letter?!

You really should have gone to your friend, told her about the opportunity and how you know the timing is quick and worked out a plan. Maybe husband would go first and you would be behind for 3-6 months or something (he could rent a really cheap studio or something while looking for the family residence if money is an issue) you would help secure renters, you would NOT leave them in the lurch.

I think its more the ridiculously short "notice" you gave to friends that is a problem. At the end of the day, the friends have a real estate investment so I believe if you had gone about this differently WITH them, talking about wanting to move to family and taking an opportunity that may not come again this could have all gone very differently and they might have even wished you well!

No Helen made a real estate investment she believed would benefit her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Legally, you are all in the wrong as you all committed fraud on the mortgage company. You are all guilty of a crime.

Morally, yes, OP, you are in the wrong. For the favor HH provided to you the bare minimum notice should've been 3 months, but 6 months preferred. Your husband should've gone to Utah to start his job without you while you stayed on for the extra time so that HH could find new tenants.

This, and also, what about the kids in your day care? Did you only give those parents 30 days notice too? I would have been pissed.

Yeah, who cares about Helpful Helen and Awful Amy. What about the parents of the children in the day care? Thirty days is not enough to find a vet child care new child care options.

Very good point, pp. How do you expect to get good references from them? Although this whole arrangement is wrong on so many levels, rather than leaving a voicemail for HH and sending her a letter, you should have gone to see HH in person and explained the situation. Then you could have handed her your notice to terminate the lease in person. At that time, you could have thanked her for everything she did for you. You were wrong to accept her offer in the beginning (no true friend lets another friend commit mortgage fraud) and you were wrong to end it this way. Accept that, accept the consequences and move on. In the meantime, as pp said, deal with your daycare clients.

[Anonymous]

Is Op responsible for giving more than 30 days notice to her daycare clients or is that just common courtesy? Maybe she'll only give them 2 weeks notice. Maybe no notice. I know - it sucks. But what can the parents realistically do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't necessarily think OP shouldn't move to Utah, it seems to be what is best for her family and opportunities aren't always easy to come by and OP isn't obligated to live in the house for 30,20 even 10 years really. BUT and BIG BUT- this was NOT the way to go about this.

This person is clearly a great friend and decided to make an investment that would directly benefit the OP. Why would you leave a message and send a letter?!

You really should have gone to your friend, told her about the opportunity and how you know the timing is quick and worked out a plan. Maybe husband would go first and you would be behind for 3-6 months or something (he could rent a really cheap studio or something while looking for the family residence if money is an issue) you would help secure renters, you would NOT leave them in the lurch.

I think its more the ridiculously short "notice" you gave to friends that is a problem. At the end of the day, the friends have a real estate investment so I believe if you had gone about this differently WITH them, talking about wanting to move to family and taking an opportunity that may not come again this could have all gone very differently and they might have even wished you well!

No Helen made a real estate investment she believed would benefit her.

I'm the PP you quoted and I believe she did both. The investment was for her, but perhaps the timing and what not were clearly driven by the friend's situation. She may not have made that investment decision on her own at that time. It appears to be at least partially motivated by wanting to help a friend. BUT I'm not foolish enough to not see that Helen probably saw this as a "win-win" not just a benevolent decision.

[Anonymous]

Op - I hope that you have careful/kind regard for the children in your care and have given these families ample notice of your departure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't necessarily think OP shouldn't move to Utah, it seems to be what is best for her family and opportunities aren't always easy to come by and OP isn't obligated to live in the house for 30,20 even 10 years really. BUT and BIG BUT- this was NOT the way to go about this.

This person is clearly a great friend and decided to make an investment that would directly benefit the OP. Why would you leave a message and send a letter?!

You really should have gone to your friend, told her about the opportunity and how you know the timing is quick and worked out a plan. Maybe husband would go first and you would be behind for 3-6 months or something (he could rent a really cheap studio or something while looking for the family residence if money is an issue) you would help secure renters, you would NOT leave them in the lurch.

I think its more the ridiculously short "notice" you gave to friends that is a problem. At the end of the day, the friends have a real estate investment so I believe if you had gone about this differently WITH them, talking about wanting to move to family and taking an opportunity that may not come again this could have all gone very differently and they might have even wished you well!

No Helen made a real estate investment she believed would benefit her.

I'm the PP you quoted and I believe she did both. The investment was for her, but perhaps the timing and what not were clearly driven by the friend's situation. She may not have made that investment decision on her own at that time. It appears to be at least partially motivated by wanting to help a friend. BUT I'm not foolish enough to not see that Helen probably saw this as a "win-win" not just a benevolent decision.

eh, fraud with "noble" intentions - nice. Notice to HH: fraud is not noble. It is illegal for a reason.

[Anonymous]

As a renter you are fine. As a friend, you are terrible. You put your friend in a bad position. She was helping you out like family members would, and you are treating her like a landlord.

You have burned that bridge. Have fun in Utah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The whole premise of this situation is stupid.

Helpful Helen - or anyone for that matter - doesn't just buy a house for their friend. They bought the 2nd house for themselves for whatever bizarre financial planning scheme they devised. OP had nothing to do with it and her needing a place to live was just coincidental.

OP - you did nothing wrong legally or morally. Helpful Helen didn't buy a house for you. Stop letting her tell you that and stop believing it. She will either find renters when you leave or she will sell. The clause about living there as their primary residence is true in terms of not paying fed taxes on the sale. (Less than 2 yrs you pay taxes on the sale).

Hi OP's DH.

[Anonymous]

HH is the one who committed fraud and Op helped her do it. There is nothing noble about what either one of these people did. They each had their own selfish reasons for doing this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Legally, you are all in the wrong as you all committed fraud on the mortgage company. You are all guilty of a crime.

Morally, yes, OP, you are in the wrong. For the favor HH provided to you the bare minimum notice should've been 3 months, but 6 months preferred. Your husband should've gone to Utah to start his job without you while you stayed on for the extra time so that HH could find new tenants.

This, and also, what about the kids in your day care? Did you only give those parents 30 days notice too? I would have been pissed.

Yeah, who cares about Helpful Helen and Awful Amy. What about the parents of the children in the day care? Thirty days is not enough to find a vet child care new child care options.

If Op had had a medical emergency the same thing could have happened to those families unfortunately, only more suddenly.

Yes, let's pretend that since something legitimate could have come up, something totally self-nterested is just fine too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Legally, you are all in the wrong as you all committed fraud on the mortgage company. You are all guilty of a crime.

Morally, yes, OP, you are in the wrong. For the favor HH provided to you the bare minimum notice should've been 3 months, but 6 months preferred. Your husband should've gone to Utah to start his job without you while you stayed on for the extra time so that HH could find new tenants.

This, and also, what about the kids in your day care? Did you only give those parents 30 days notice too? I would have been pissed.

Yeah, who cares about Helpful Helen and Awful Amy. What about the parents of the children in the day care? Thirty days is not enough to find a vet child care new child care options.

If Op had had a medical emergency the same thing could have happened to those families unfortunately, only more suddenly.

Yes, let's pretend that since something legitimate could have come up, something totally self-nterested is just fine too.

Sorry, I wasn't saying that. A sudden catastrophic health emergency is a whole lot different than what is happening here.