Pushy In-Laws!!!

[Anonymous]

I think you just need to tell them that while other people will have to give the baby bottles when you go back to work in a few months, that for now it is really important for your supply that you feed the baby as much as possible. Tell them the pediatrician said it.

My mom keeps going on and on about holding the baby I'm about to have. I finally snapped and said "at breastfeedingb class the lactation consultant said it is very important I spend as much time with the baby skin to skin as possible the first 3 weeks".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you just need to tell them that while other people will have to give the baby bottles when you go back to work in a few months, that for now it is really important for your supply that you feed the baby as much as possible. Tell them the pediatrician said it.

My mom keeps going on and on about holding the baby I'm about to have. I finally snapped and said "at breastfeedingb class the lactation consultant said it is very important I spend as much time with the baby skin to skin as possible the first 3 weeks".

Seriously? Are you planning to shower with the baby? How about cook? Use the toilet? Get dressed while holding the baby?

I don't get why so many mothers are so stingy and possessive. Yes, it's your baby but these babies should be loved and cared for by many people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you just need to tell them that while other people will have to give the baby bottles when you go back to work in a few months, that for now it is really important for your supply that you feed the baby as much as possible. Tell them the pediatrician said it.

My mom keeps going on and on about holding the baby I'm about to have. I finally snapped and said "at breastfeedingb class the lactation consultant said it is very important I spend as much time with the baby skin to skin as possible the first 3 weeks".

Your mom is feeling baby fever, normal. But it would get annoying if she doesn't shut up about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you just need to tell them that while other people will have to give the baby bottles when you go back to work in a few months, that for now it is really important for your supply that you feed the baby as much as possible. Tell them the pediatrician said it.

My mom keeps going on and on about holding the baby I'm about to have. I finally snapped and said "at breastfeedingb class the lactation consultant said it is very important I spend as much time with the baby skin to skin as possible the first 3 weeks".

Seriously? Are you planning to shower with the baby? How about cook? Use the toilet? Get dressed while holding the baby?

I don't get why so many mothers are so stingy and possessive. Yes, it's your baby but these babies should be loved and cared for by many people.

Seriously. Some of you people are making parenting so much more consuming than it has to be.

[Anonymous]

At some point, you'll want a date night, or to go get a manicure, or go the gym before your maternity leave is up. The fact that your ILs are so eager to babysit is wonderful, even if annoying.

Think about what you'd like to do and when, then propose a time to them. Whether it's an upcoming anniversary, a birthday, or just a dinner out with DH just because - you can plan it out so it's weeks from now, but put it on the calendar so you & your ILs can have a plan and they can stop pestering you.

I EBF and started doing one night out a week on my own around 6 weeks pp. I had mixed feelings about it as first, but by the second week, I really enjoyed it. I'm sure you'll reach a point when you want just 2 hours on your own as well. When that time comes, it's nice your ILs will be so eager to jump in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you just need to tell them that while other people will have to give the baby bottles when you go back to work in a few months, that for now it is really important for your supply that you feed the baby as much as possible. Tell them the pediatrician said it.

My mom keeps going on and on about holding the baby I'm about to have. I finally snapped and said "at breastfeedingb class the lactation consultant said it is very important I spend as much time with the baby skin to skin as possible the first 3 weeks".

Seriously? Are you planning to shower with the baby? How about cook? Use the toilet? Get dressed while holding the baby?

I don't get why so many mothers are so stingy and possessive. Yes, it's your baby but these babies should be loved and cared for by many people.

Seriously. Some of you people are making parenting so much more consuming than it has to be.

Okay, I did shower with my baby, but that was just because I couldn't figure out how else to do it without her screaming her head off and I desperately wanted to wash my hair. It also took me several weeks to figure out when & how to put the baby down long enough to fix myself breakfast - not because I wanted to hold the baby 24/7 but because she was a screamer and loud noises set off the crazy panic button in my brain. (I lost a lot of weight in those first weeks.) I would have loved to have my mom or even my MIL stop by for an hour in the mornings so I could shower & eat in peace, but we're out here all on our own.

[Anonymous]

Let grandma spend some time with her grandchild. Yes, it's your baby but he is also their grandkid. They love him and want to bond with him, too. Let them come over one Saturday and you can take a nap or run errands. I would have killed for that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a FTM with an 8 week old baby boy. My son is the first grandchild on my husbands side, so my in laws are very excited. They are driving me nuts because they seem to have very outdated notions of parenting and are constantly pushing to baby sit my son. They have been pushing me to leave him so they can watch him alone since he was about 2 weeks old. They ask constantly to babysit and even bring up watching him for whole weekends. I am just not comfortable leaving him at this point, especially not for a whole weekend!! I am exclusively breastfeeding, and my son really struggled with breastfeeding the first few weeks, so I refused to give him a bottle for the first month because it could interfere with his latch. I'm pretty anti-bottle, when it comes down to it. I don't give two hoots what anybody else does for their child, but for mine, I choose to breastfeed.

Recently they have gotten so pushy in their offers that they really seem more like demands. They don't seem to "get" or respect our decision to breastfeed and why we initially refused to give him a bottle, or why we won't give him formula. I appreciate that they want to be involved in his life, It just makes me feel like they are trying to take over. Comments they make about our decisions really seem to undermine my choices as a mother. They are free to come over and spend time with him, I just don't see why it has to be when My husband and I aren't around.

I think the issue could stem from the fact that my parents will be watching him two days a week when I go back to work, and my mother in law may feel bad about that or may be worrying that my mom will be closer with him than she is. Regardless, I am feeling very resentful that they are being so pushy. I shouldn't have to leave my baby when I don't want to just to make them happy. He isn't a toy for them to play with. They couch their offers as being intended to give us a break, but really it seems more about them. Really, if we wanted them to babysit, which at some we will, we will just ask!

Any ideas on how to mellow this situation??

My in-laws are the same way and it was very stressful on me, my husband, and our marriage for the first several years! Nonetheless his parents are not nice to me so that made it worse because obviously there is a strange feeling there. It was not easy and my husband is a total wimp so it all fell on me to set boundaries but I am proud to say I did! They were so pushy and wanted to come visit twice a month from being out of town and were always pushing me to leave them alone with baby and telling me I was nursing him too much. They didn't realize I wanted to sleep when the baby slept and instead they tried to kick me out of my own house. If they were nicer to me and accepted me I would have tolerated them better I am sure. Stand your ground but in a nice way. Maybe go take a nap or chill upstairs and let them play with baby downstairs so you can get rest but still not feel like you are leaving your baby.

[Anonymous]

Honest question: is there a grandparent on the board who can explain why so many grandparents seem to be really really interested in spending time alone with the baby? I have always wondered about this phenomenon. Why does having mom or dad there interfere?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honest question: is there a grandparent on the board who can explain why so many grandparents seem to be really really interested in spending time alone with the baby? I have always wondered about this phenomenon. Why does having mom or dad there interfere?

I don't have these kinds of issues because I love how much my mom and dad love my LO. Its amazing to watch and I like to learn as much as I can from other generations of women or parents. Even stuff that is outdated or we don't do anymore is interesting to at least learn about. I don't mean that to sound smug. I am both lucky to have supportive family relationships and work to understand and resolve differences.

BUT according to my mom and my stepdad- who also had his first grandchild at the same time (he considers my LO his grandchild too but its a little different with his own daughter- rightly, he wasn't married to my mom until I was an adult, he didn't raise me)- they both have said that the sort of instant intense loving bond that you get as a parent, you have the same feelings when your grandkids are born.

I can't picture it, but I am not a grandparent! My own mom actually said she was surprised to have that feeling. When her friends told her it would feel the same, she thought there was no way to have that kind of feeling about them as you do your own. But then said that they were right once LO was here.

So that's part of the excitement I think!

Also OP, try to take a breath and examine if you are taking their comments as more demanding because you are in that little cocoon of new motherhood where every single focus is on baby and your drastically new life. Its easy to read too much into things sometimes in that intense and insular environment. Not to say that there aren't pushy, demanding parents. Just that its also possible to be overly sensitive to it or read it that way when the whole world has shrunken down.

PS- only advice I have is to not become too rigidly "anti" something with a newborn- things can change so fast and needs arise in new ways that its best to not also stand in your own way with the idea of what kind of parent you are and are not.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you don't like your in laws. That's rough.

[Anonymous]

Never cared for my MIL. Two weeks prior to the birth of my daughter she started calling our house everyday. I first left her alone with my daughter when she was 20 months. I was in the hospital having my second child. BTW, my husband was of no help initially. He got stronger over the years.

My suggestion to you is to not give into her. Stay strong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op you sound controlling.

And you ^ not only sound like a douche, you are a douche.

[Anonymous]

You need to
a) work on shutting down discussions/criticisms of your choices
b) find a way for your in-laws to spend a little more time with the baby in a way that works for you. Can they hold him while you shower/nap/do chores? Are you worried that they're going to give him a bottle instead of bringing him to you when he's hungry? In which case, fold laundry or something in the same room while they hold him.

[Anonymous]

Wasn't there a post recently about a mil who insisted on watching the baby then the mom rearranged day care to accommodate, then the mil quit after the first day? Don't assume your parents are truly going to be on board with this for an indefinite period of time. Personally, I'd probably take them up on the in laws offer to babysit and just use the time to shower, nap, grab a sandwich nearby etc.