I have no desire to be my grandchild's daycare

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP You are a very self-centered person. When I retire I want to babysit my grandkids (hopefully I will be lucky enough to have them). I really don't understand the entitlement attitude..I am retired and have by default no obligations but I'd rather do my own thing then help my kids and get to know my grandkids. I'm in my 40's now and work 50 hours a week at a job to provide for my kids. Maybe the ire I have is that you remind me of my very sucky parents.

Oh give me a break. I'm the PP who said I'd love to watch my grandchildren, but that's because it's something I think I'd truly enjoy. There's absolutely nothing wrong with someone deciding what kind of relationship is best for them and their grandchildren, and what kind of retirement they want. My own mother is a fantastic grandmother. She's got a rich retired life full of interesting things, like volunteering with her church, working on political campaigns, taking college classes, and traveling the world. She's a wonderful role model for my kid and can teach him all sorts of interesting things, but there's no way she'd want to take on the task of watching her DGS full time, nor should she have to. She's earned the right to do as she pleases.

+1 OP, is self centered because she doesn't want to care for future grand kids probably 30+ hours a week? Go fuck yourself. Grandparents have a right to enjoy and live their lives the way they want to. They have no financial or any other obligation to grand kids at all.

Right- have fun in the nursing home when your kids throw you out because you were too self-involved to help them with their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP You are a very self-centered person. When I retire I want to babysit my grandkids (hopefully I will be lucky enough to have them). I really don't understand the entitlement attitude..I am retired and have by default no obligations but I'd rather do my own thing then help my kids and get to know my grandkids. I'm in my 40's now and work 50 hours a week at a job to provide for my kids. Maybe the ire I have is that you remind me of my very sucky parents.

Oh give me a break. I'm the PP who said I'd love to watch my grandchildren, but that's because it's something I think I'd truly enjoy. There's absolutely nothing wrong with someone deciding what kind of relationship is best for them and their grandchildren, and what kind of retirement they want. My own mother is a fantastic grandmother. She's got a rich retired life full of interesting things, like volunteering with her church, working on political campaigns, taking college classes, and traveling the world. She's a wonderful role model for my kid and can teach him all sorts of interesting things, but there's no way she'd want to take on the task of watching her DGS full time, nor should she have to. She's earned the right to do as she pleases.

+1 OP, is self centered because she doesn't want to care for future grand kids probably 30+ hours a week? Go fuck yourself. Grandparents have a right to enjoy and live their lives the way they want to. They have no financial or any other obligation to grand kids at all.

Right- have fun in the nursing home when your kids throw you out because you were too self-involved to help them with their kids.

There is helping and then there are unrealistic expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have friends who are quite clearly taking advantage of their parents and in laws. It's upsetting.

That's an interesting statement.

If the parents or in-laws do not mind, why are you upset? Maybe they are very happy that they are getting to spend time with their grandkids or maybe they are happy to be helping their kids? Or, are you upset that you do not have a similar setup?

Agree. My parents would be livid if DD was in day care full time, it would be considered a serious insult. It was tough enough getting them to be okay with putting DD in morning preschool; they wanted her the entire day. (We used to live across the country where DD was in day care, we moved to be near them).

If I had any inkling that my parents didn't really want this, I wouldn't have them do it. And if their circumstances change and they're not able or willing to handle it, then we will figure something else out.

But yeah, way, way too early to be worried about this. I don't know if I would want to be full time care for my grandkids either, but it's not something I think about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP You are a very self-centered person. When I retire I want to babysit my grandkids (hopefully I will be lucky enough to have them). I really don't understand the entitlement attitude..I am retired and have by default no obligations but I'd rather do my own thing then help my kids and get to know my grandkids. I'm in my 40's now and work 50 hours a week at a job to provide for my kids. Maybe the ire I have is that you remind me of my very sucky parents.

Oh give me a break. I'm the PP who said I'd love to watch my grandchildren, but that's because it's something I think I'd truly enjoy. There's absolutely nothing wrong with someone deciding what kind of relationship is best for them and their grandchildren, and what kind of retirement they want. My own mother is a fantastic grandmother. She's got a rich retired life full of interesting things, like volunteering with her church, working on political campaigns, taking college classes, and traveling the world. She's a wonderful role model for my kid and can teach him all sorts of interesting things, but there's no way she'd want to take on the task of watching her DGS full time, nor should she have to. She's earned the right to do as she pleases.

+1 OP, is self centered because she doesn't want to care for future grand kids probably 30+ hours a week? Go fuck yourself. Grandparents have a right to enjoy and live their lives the way they want to. They have no financial or any other obligation to grand kids at all.

Right- have fun in the nursing home when your kids throw you out because you were too self-involved to help them with their kids.

Newsflash - if the kids could not/would not stop working to take care of their own kids, they won't stop working to take care of their aging parents. We will all end up in a nursing home sooner or later, unless we are lucky enough to die before.

[Anonymous]

The other day I asked my 4y old if she wanted to SAH when she had her babies or work. She said work to which I said: "great, you go to work and I take care of your babies for you." She replied: "oh, that is a GREAT idea!"

LOL

I will absolutely take care of my grandchildren if needed or asked to (I will probably ask to myself), however, I would rather not be in charge of their full time care because honestly, I would like to be able to travel as well.

Ideally, I would take care of my grandchildren when their nanny is sick or in vacation, or when they are sick and can't go to daycare/school. And of course, during summer, spring break, winter break and odd school closures.

Evidently, sitting as often as my daughters need because they want to go out with their partners, or have doctor appointment, or just need a break.

I hope I have this kind of relationship with my daughters as they grow and I age.

[Anonymous]

NBD. My mom lives a town away. She doesn't drive out of town, so I take the kids to see her once a week. She takes them for a few days every other month. It works for us. No hard feelings.

[Anonymous]

Your kids and/or their spouses might not feel comfortable with you babysitting, let alone being FT care. Just look around this forum. Or they might opt to live abroad and see you annually.

Be careful what you wish for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The other day I asked my 4y old if she wanted to SAH when she had her babies or work. She said work to which I said: "great, you go to work and I take care of your babies for you." She replied: "oh, that is a GREAT idea!"

LOL

I will absolutely take care of my grandchildren if needed or asked to (I will probably ask to myself), however, I would rather not be in charge of their full time care because honestly, I would like to be able to travel as well.

Ideally, I would take care of my grandchildren when their nanny is sick or in vacation, or when they are sick and can't go to daycare/school. And of course, during summer, spring break, winter break and odd school closures.

Evidently, sitting as often as my daughters need because they want to go out with their partners, or have doctor appointment, or just need a break.

I hope I have this kind of relationship with my daughters as they grow and I age.

That's nice, but you have no idea what your physical or mental health will be like and you also have no idea what your daughter's kids might be like.

[Anonymous]

I don't think I will have the strength to look after grandkids on my own. My DC will pay for the nanny and I will be there to keep an eye on both of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP You are a very self-centered person. When I retire I want to babysit my grandkids (hopefully I will be lucky enough to have them). I really don't understand the entitlement attitude..I am retired and have by default no obligations but I'd rather do my own thing then help my kids and get to know my grandkids. I'm in my 40's now and work 50 hours a week at a job to provide for my kids. Maybe the ire I have is that you remind me of my very sucky parents.

Oh give me a break. I'm the PP who said I'd love to watch my grandchildren, but that's because it's something I think I'd truly enjoy. There's absolutely nothing wrong with someone deciding what kind of relationship is best for them and their grandchildren, and what kind of retirement they want. My own mother is a fantastic grandmother. She's got a rich retired life full of interesting things, like volunteering with her church, working on political campaigns, taking college classes, and traveling the world. She's a wonderful role model for my kid and can teach him all sorts of interesting things, but there's no way she'd want to take on the task of watching her DGS full time, nor should she have to. She's earned the right to do as she pleases.

+1 OP, is self centered because she doesn't want to care for future grand kids probably 30+ hours a week? Go fuck yourself. Grandparents have a right to enjoy and live their lives the way they want to. They have no financial or any other obligation to grand kids at all.

Right- have fun in the nursing home when your kids throw you out because you were too self-involved to help them with their kids.

You can't possibly be serious. A parent's job is to raise their children - not someone else's children. Your parents raised you. That's where their responsibility ends. Perhaps you're too self involved to understand that your children are your own responsibility?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. As I said earlier, it was something that crossed my mind.

I absolutely want to be part of my grandkids' lives deeply, but I don't want to be the full-time care for 3-5 years, and part-time after that. But if my kids NEED me to be that care for GC's then I will help however I can.

Just not my hoped-for situation.

That may sound heartless and it really is putting the cart before the horse, as my OP opened. Don't we all put ourselves in imagined scenarios from time to time and wonder how we'd feel?

I know that there are some grandparents that provide childcare for their kids but our parents aren't those people. My mom is still working and even if she wasn't she has a lot of outside interests and DH's parents live elsewhere but they see the kids pretty regularly. I wasn't that close to my grandparents, we barely saw them, and when we did it was with lots of cousins around. I love that my husband's family and my mom to some extent are in a position to do things with the kids. My kids have these memories and these experiences that we as parents are sometimes too much on the rat wheel of life to want to plan or do. For example my husband's family will research fun things to do with the kids like take them to the County Fair or they have gone to see a show on Broadway with the kids. The kids get to not only spend time with the grandparents, but it goes beyond asking about school to really interacting with them and building memories together and having someone's undivided attention.

I have a lot of friends that live in the same area as their parents. I think the finances (working or retired) of the parents, health of the parents, if both parents are together (easier running after kids and getting them out of the house when there is a second set of hands to help), how many kids and their age (having your 60-70 year old parent running after two toddlers under the age of 3 full-time is a lot), distance (is your parent 10 minutes away or 30 in non-rush hour traffic) as well as the desire of the parent to watch toddlers play into if a parent provides childcare. Overall, I can't think of anyone that has their parents watch two kids full-time in lieu of daycares unless the parent lives with them. If anything it is two-three days a week. Others have parents help out in a pinch, like sick kids and snow days. For others, it may be for date night and for the truly lucky parents the grandparents take the kids overnight so parents get to sleep in among other things. If you raised your kids so they expect that their kids are their responsibility, anything you do to help should be appreciated and there isn't an expectation of childcare/help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The other day I asked my 4y old if she wanted to SAH when she had her babies or work. She said work to which I said: "great, you go to work and I take care of your babies for you." She replied: "oh, that is a GREAT idea!"

LOL

I will absolutely take care of my grandchildren if needed or asked to (I will probably ask to myself), however, I would rather not be in charge of their full time care because honestly, I would like to be able to travel as well.

Ideally, I would take care of my grandchildren when their nanny is sick or in vacation, or when they are sick and can't go to daycare/school. And of course, during summer, spring break, winter break and odd school closures.

Evidently, sitting as often as my daughters need because they want to go out with their partners, or have doctor appointment, or just need a break.

I hope I have this kind of relationship with my daughters as they grow and I age.

That's nice, but you have no idea what your physical or mental health will be like and you also have no idea what your daughter's kids might be like.

Yeah, that is why I said "I hope." But if they don't want or need me, no hard feelings as well.

[Anonymous]

I have not read through all the responses. We recently moved AWAY from our married children . We don't have Grandkids yet, and we have no desire to be daycare providers. We did our job and it wasn't easy. Now it's their turn.