I have no desire to be my grandchild's daycare

[Anonymous]

This is putting the cart before the horse because my child is still young and in school, but if I'm honest I don't think I'd ever want to be the one who regularly watches my GC-to-be. I'm not talking about the sitting here and there, the vacation here and there. I mean the one who gets tapped to be daily childcare.

I know several families who have grandma or grandpa watching the kids every day or every afternoon. They are brought along on vacations so the parents can have couple time (portable babysitters). Additionally, they are asked to cover whenever the parents feel like it. In some cases these grandparents have been asked to move cities or states to make this possible.

I see the same grandparents out at the library or the park and they look tired. I feel bad for them, but maybe they are loving every minute of it. Or the obvious answer that the parents cannot afford or trust anyone except Grandma and Grandpa. I really hope that isn't the case for my DC.

I know that sounds terrible, and I love my child and want to be part of my grandkids' lives (if there are any) but I don't want to have another shift of daily childcare once mine is grown.

Maybe being an older parent now has something to do with it.

[Anonymous]

Man, lady, live in the moment. Are you seriously stressing about this already?? I can't fathom being concerned enough about an issue that is years away from even being possible, no less a reality. Very concerning.

[Anonymous]

I can see thinking about this fleetingly, but not this seriously. You have no idea how the future will turn out. Wait and see.

[Anonymous]

I am a single mom, so no way would I do this again later, but I don't spend any time worrying about it now. My kid is seven. This shouldn't be on your radar.

[Anonymous]

By the time every kid in my generation had kids, the grandparents were too damn old and decrepit to function as day care. Too bad so sad!

[Anonymous]

My mom would jokingly say that she was done raising kids once my siblings and I were in college. However, once we started to have babies, she was there for her DD, for her DILs, during delivery, after delivery, the first tough months. And then she was there through the years. She never minded being her grandkid's babysitter, because she never thought she was doing her kids a favor. She thought that she was spending time with her grandkids. Now when her grandkids are in their 20s and teens...she is reaping the reward of having a marvelous bond with them. These kids who do not communicate with their parents with more than two cryptic words and some grunts ...will call her...in another country...every week.

And they visit her during breaks and sleep in her bedroom so that they can talk to her till late at night. And she has kept abreast of what is happening in their lives, every small detail. My mom did not raise us to be self-centered. And she has given and given to us and our kids. I bet I will end up doing the same for my grandkids.

Her grandkids think that she is the sweetest thing ever. They cannot believe when we tell them that she was a strict disciplinarian when she raised us. I do not know what changed when she became a grandma- but every part of her was filled with bliss and love for her grandkids.

[Anonymous]

If your kid is still that young, you don't need to fret about this yet... but it's also plenty of time to discuss it for when the time does come! (e.g. "Larla, I think you'll make a great mom someday if you so choose. If I'm ever a grandma, I would love to do x, y, and z but not be daycare." Or whatever would sound right in your words.)

[Anonymous]

OP here. I know it's far off. LOL I think seeing all the families today got me thinking about it.

[Anonymous]

I'd love to be the primary daycare provide for my grandchildren one day. I wanted to be a SAHM for all my childhood and early adulthood, but I ended up as a single mom and while my child thrived in daycare, I loved my career, and of course I was happy that I could support my family, if it had turned out differently and I could have stayed at home I think I would have loved that. If my son one day presented me with that opportunity to move and support myself as "nanny and Nana", I'd jump at the chance.

But I also think that there are many families who make the choice to have a grandparent stay at home because of financial difficulties, and I think that's a bad thing. I think that kids can thrive in all kinds of care situations, but that almost universally the best childcare situations are ones where the primary caregivers are there, at least in part, because they want to be there. I think there's a fundamental difference, for example, between having a SAHP who wants that role, and a a parent who is unemployed and wishes they were back at work. I think there's a fundamental difference between someone who chooses to be a daycare teacher, and someone who takes that role because it's the only thing they could find, and I think there's potentially a difference in the quality of care provided by a Grandparent who wants to be providing care because they enjoy a day structured around the needs of small children (note: as an elementary school teacher, I can say that there's a huge difference between "loving" children, and "loving building your life around the needs of someone else's children". You can be a wonderful loving parent or grandparent without loving the role of full time caregiver), and one who is motivated by fear of strangers or by financial necessity.

[Anonymous]

Weird thing to worry about. I have a full time job so obviously I'm not going into the child care business when my DCs have kids ( and they are in college now so it's coming up at some point). There are so many unknowns at this point I can't imagine this issue should even be on your radar.

[Anonymous]

I have friends who are quite clearly taking advantage of their parents and in laws. It's upsetting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have friends who are quite clearly taking advantage of their parents and in laws. It's upsetting.

That's an interesting statement.

If the parents or in-laws do not mind, why are you upset? Maybe they are very happy that they are getting to spend time with their grandkids or maybe they are happy to be helping their kids? Or, are you upset that you do not have a similar setup?

[Anonymous]

My first grandchild is due this summer and I wish I could be the one with her all day. I have to continue to work though.

[Anonymous]

Then don't. Some people want to, you don't. Who cares. You don't even know your kid would want you to. My parents watch our kids one day/ week, because they want to. No way would we ever let my ILs do it.

[Anonymous]

My mother won't even sit occasionally. You aren't the only one.