S/o designations. What should my kids call my horrible step mother?

[Anonymous]

She has never wanted to acknowledge that my dad had a life, a wife and a kid before her and has taken whatever steps necessary to enforce that.

I had one of these for a little while until my Dad divorced her. My kids and my siblings' kids called her by her first name.

[Anonymous]

I like "Miss Firstname". It avoids all kinds of issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like "Miss Firstname". It avoids all kinds of issues.

You have a point here. Part of me doesn't want "Grandmother" of any derivation as it implies a relationship like they have with their other grandmothers.

But I like the idea of tagging her as a granny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like "Miss Firstname". It avoids all kinds of issues.

Everybody called my grandmother "Miss Elizabeth." She was terrifying.

[Anonymous]

I love that you have developed a great relationship with your father and sister. People aren't perfect; sometimes they do some pretty sucky things. Good for you for keeping them in your life in a way that you choose!

I love that you are attending the wedding. Good luck with everything. I kind of hope Cruella looks fat and old in her dress...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love that you have developed a great relationship with your father and sister. People aren't perfect; sometimes they do some pretty sucky things. Good for you for keeping them in your life in a way that you choose!

I love that you are attending the wedding. Good luck with everything. I kind of hope Cruella looks fat and old in her dress...

Oh, me too, PP. Me too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love that you have developed a great relationship with your father and sister. People aren't perfect; sometimes they do some pretty sucky things. Good for you for keeping them in your life in a way that you choose!

I love that you are attending the wedding. Good luck with everything. I kind of hope Cruella looks fat and old in her dress...

Oh, me too, PP. Me too.

[Anonymous]

Beyond the formal introduction, will your kids need to address her at all? If not, keep it formal. First and last name, as in a business setting. "This is Mrs Cruella Smith. Cruella, these are my children."

[Anonymous]

My mom and sister HATE their step mother so the grandchildren always called her by her first name. We don't have much of a relationship with her and it sounds like your kids won't either. As an adult, knowing the type of person she is, I am glad I didn't refer to her as my grandmother (or similar)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Beyond the formal introduction, will your kids need to address her at all? If not, keep it formal. First and last name, as in a business setting. "This is Mrs Cruella Smith. Cruella, these are my children."

I agree. Having your kids call her 'Grandmother' describes a relationship that's just not there and she isn't entitled to that name by blood or by deed. I also would not give her the option of asking how she wants to be addressed. If she doesn't like Mrs Cruella Smith, she can have the kids call her Miss Cruella or just Cruella. She should not have the option to have them call her Grandmother because she's not in any sense of the word. Besides, why give her any deference in the matter? Fuck her.

FWIW, my father (a brutal asshole) died long before I met DH. My mother remarried and while I called her DH "Joe", the kids called him Grandpa. They know he wasn't my father but he was deserving of the title. We refer to my father by his first name. Biologically he may be their grandfather but if he were alive, they'd have no relationship. He didn't earn the right to be called Grandpa.

[Anonymous]

OP I also applaud your grace. But I would not give her the courtesy of the Grandmother designation. I think I would personally avoid introducing them (there's really no reason to have to, if you're not planning on spending a lot of time talking with her which I assume you're not). I would nod a greeting and that would be it for me. If you feel like you have to introduce her for some reason, you can say "This is my daughter Larla. Say hello, Larla." If you feel like she needs a title, then Mrs. Lastname would do it for me.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I too would skip giving her any title. Simply introduce your children and let it go since they likely will never have to address her.

And OP - go out there and be fabulous!! I hope the kids are perfect in every way and you can enjoy flaunting everything right in front of her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I also applaud your grace. But I would not give her the courtesy of the Grandmother designation. I think I would personally avoid introducing them (there's really no reason to have to, if you're not planning on spending a lot of time talking with her which I assume you're not). I would nod a greeting and that would be it for me. If you feel like you have to introduce her for some reason, you can say "This is my daughter Larla. Say hello, Larla." If you feel like she needs a title, then Mrs. Lastname would do it for me.

Good luck.

+1 to all this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are travelling out to my 1/2 sister's wedding soon, where my children will meet my step mother for the first time. She is a horrible, horrible person - particularly to me. It started when she banned my presence at her wedding to my father when I was six, and has gone downhill from there. She has never wanted to acknowledge that my dad had a life, a wife and a kid before her and has taken whatever steps necessary to enforce that. I've made my peace with it, and have a great relationship with my sister and dad.

Anyhow, what the heck do I tell my kids to call her? Her first name? I usually have them call adults Mr. and Mrs. Lastname - but that also seems weird.



Thoughts?

How do you ban a 6 yr old from her parents' wedding? Your dad went along with this? THAT'S WHO YOU NEED TO HAVE A PROBLEM WITH!
IJS!!!

Yes, you are correct, and I did and still do. He is absolutely to blame for a lot of it.

Still, this is the woman who wore my grandmother's jewelry to my wedding and then whispered to me that I would never get any of it.

This sounds like something out of a VC Andrews book, like Flowers in the Attic. I'm sorry OP.
I would have my child refer to her as Ms. First Name. Esp if you call her by her first name. Still manners but no implication of a relationship that's not there.

I called my stepmom by first name and my kids will do the same. No biggie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like "Miss Firstname". It avoids all kinds of issues.

You have a point here. Part of me doesn't want "Grandmother" of any derivation as it implies a relationship like they have with their other grandmothers.

But I like the idea of tagging her as a granny.

Have your kids call her Miss Firstname, then you can start calling her granny when no one is looking ....