If you died today, how long would it take your spouse to remarry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I had a relative, a man, who remarried fairly quickly after the death of his wife, like 1-2 years or something. I think he just needed a woman, he needed someone to cook, run the house, etc. He was a high-level executive. I'm sure he didn't want to be alone.

His wife had been dying for a long time so he knew it was coming and had time to prepare. I think for spouses of people who die suddenly it might take them longer. Everyone is different though.

This is similar to my dad. He started dating soon after my mom died and was married within two years. He is a man who just really appreciates the companionship of a wife, and while in some ways it was hard to see him move on so quickly, in others it was a testament to how much he valued marriage and the sort of partnership he had had with my mom. My siblings and I were all supportive.

He had nursed my mother through four bad years of illness, which I think did make him more ready to move on.

Or he wanted sex....

My dad did not remarry. He was very devoted to his wife and when she died,he was focused on the grand kids. He loved her a lot and kept her memory alive. He just wanted to live the rest of is life on earth until they could be reunited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2 years. The sooner the better if he marries someone who will function like a good mother to my children. They need a mom.

A step mom is not a mom.

You know what I mean. Don't be so difficult.

And don't marry my widowed husband. The kids need more joy in their lives.

I would never have respect for a guy who didn't give a crap about the wife that gave him children. Someone who would so callously move on.
My MIL is 68. She as widowed at 52 and she has never looked at a man since. She focused on the grand kids and has many hobbies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2 years. The sooner the better if he marries someone who will function like a good mother to my children. They need a mom.

A step mom is not a mom.

You know what I mean. Don't be so difficult.

And don't marry my widowed husband. The kids need more joy in their lives.

I would never have respect for a guy who didn't give a crap about the wife that gave him children. Someone who would so callously move on.
My MIL is 68. She as widowed at 52 and she has never looked at a man since. She focused on the grand kids and has many hobbies.

This is a horrible attitude. I love my DH, we have been together since we were teens. We have only been with each other. 25 years of marriage. We have a great sex life. I would not want him to forgo sex (if not marriage) after I am gone. I want him to be careful who he marries because of kids and finances ...BUT I see no reason why he would not have sex or date people. One is a physical and intimacy need and another is the need to find a life partner. If he finds a worthy woman who loves him and can be good mom to my kids - he should marry her too, if the kids are onboard with this move.

Because I have a great marriage with DH - I want him to live life after I am gone. He is a loving man, a guy who loves to take care of people around him - he should not live his life alone.

[Anonymous]

It'll take a while unless grief causes him to stop eating.

[Anonymous]

Do people really discuss this type of thing with their spouse?

[Anonymous]

I have specifically asked my husband not to remarry until after our daughter goes to college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2 years. The sooner the better if he marries someone who will function like a good mother to my children. They need a mom.

A step mom is not a mom.

You know what I mean. Don't be so difficult.

And don't marry my widowed husband. The kids need more joy in their lives.

I would never have respect for a guy who didn't give a crap about the wife that gave him children. Someone who would so callously move on.
My MIL is 68. She as widowed at 52 and she has never looked at a man since. She focused on the grand kids and has many hobbies.

I love my husband and my kids. I want them to be happy. Period. I don't care about appearance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2 years. The sooner the better if he marries someone who will function like a good mother to my children. They need a mom.

A step mom is not a mom.

agree. don't fool yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2 years. The sooner the better if he marries someone who will function like a good mother to my children. They need a mom.

A step mom is not a mom.

You know what I mean. Don't be so difficult.

And don't marry my widowed husband. The kids need more joy in their lives.

I would never have respect for a guy who didn't give a crap about the wife that gave him children. Someone who would so callously move on.
My MIL is 68. She as widowed at 52 and she has never looked at a man since. She focused on the grand kids and has many hobbies.

+1. I think all this talk about finding new love (right away) and a brand spanking new parent (right away) is disgusting. My father NEVER found his step mother to be a replacement of his mother. All studies have shown that loss of a parent to be THE MOST TRAUMATIC event in a child's life. If you love them, there is no replacement. If you don't love them then there is no family in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2 years. The sooner the better if he marries someone who will function like a good mother to my children. They need a mom.

A step mom is not a mom.

agree. don't fool yourself.

Have you given thought to the idea that the new spouse could bring more unhappiness? Oh, and the messy divorce!
BTW, I married late (38) and had my share of divorced and widowed men trying to get me to be a mother to their kids. It is not a natural feeling and I could not do it. I love my kids more than anyone else's, which is probably true for most people.

[Anonymous]

He would probably not remarry. I find him attractive but don't think most women would. Plus, he has bouts of social anxiety so going out would be tough on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would hope never, you marry and choose to be with someone. If they die, you wait to be together in eternal life.

The widow/er should focus on the children, not boning someone,

Said like a person with a very low sex drive or need for adult companionship. Not everyone is as cold as the people on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Eh, who knows. I wouldn't be eager to remarry--my spouse is in the military so we've done plenty of time apart and I'm pretty independent. Financially either of us would be fine alone. I would be happy if spouse found love again, as long as that person was good to the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2 years. The sooner the better if he marries someone who will function like a good mother to my children. They need a mom.

A step mom is not a mom.

You know what I mean. Don't be so difficult.

And don't marry my widowed husband. The kids need more joy in their lives.

I would never have respect for a guy who didn't give a crap about the wife that gave him children. Someone who would so callously move on.
My MIL is 68. She as widowed at 52 and she has never looked at a man since. She focused on the grand kids and has many hobbies.

This is a horrible attitude. I love my DH, we have been together since we were teens. We have only been with each other. 25 years of marriage. We have a great sex life. I would not want him to forgo sex (if not marriage) after I am gone. I want him to be careful who he marries because of kids and finances ...BUT I see no reason why he would not have sex or date people. One is a physical and intimacy need and another is the need to find a life partner. If he finds a worthy woman who loves him and can be good mom to my kids - he should marry her too, if the kids are onboard with this move.

Because I have a great marriage with DH - I want him to live life after I am gone. He is a loving man, a guy who loves to take care of people around him - he should not live his life alone.

I think it's fine that you would want your husband to move on. But let's be clear, sex is not a need. I hear this repeated so often. It simply is not. Food and water are needs. Sex is not a need.

That's not to say it is a bad thing or doesn't have a role. But it isn't a need, not even for men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would hope never, you marry and choose to be with someone. If they die, you wait to be together in eternal life.

The widow/er should focus on the children, not boning someone,

Said like a person with a very low sex drive or need for adult companionship. Not everyone is as cold as the people on DCUM.

t I

I don't agree with PP, but I wouldn't say that PP has a low sex drive or doesn't need companionship. It's possible that PP really loves his/her spouse. Some people don't marry merely to fulfill a need. Some people marry because of the specific person they met. And if that person dies, marrying another seems unfathomable. The difference is that one person marries for the individual; another marries for what the individual provides and can eventually imagine that person as replaceable.