Putting older kids up for adoption

[Anonymous]

OPS could have just been throwing one if those hypotheticals out there for discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OPS could have just been throwing one if those hypotheticals out there for discussion.

That is the "nice" version of exactly what I think is going on... although I think it was less about "just wondering" and more about "how many pages can I get people to go on for without realizing this isn't a real post?"

So since OP hasn't come back, now I'm wondering... how much does it matter to you guys whether the question is sincere or is someone trying to stir the pot because they've got nothing better to do (or they're just mean and pathetic)? If you knew it wasn't real but thought it was a good question, would you answer anyway?

[Anonymous]

I don't get you people who judge anyone who wants to put their baby up for adoption -- even someone who is middle class but just didn't realize what they were signing up for. If they don't feel up to being a parent for whatever reason, I think it's a generous and beautiful thing to let parents who can't have children raise the child. And best for the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get you people who judge anyone who wants to put their baby up for adoption -- even someone who is middle class but just didn't realize what they were signing up for. If they don't feel up to being a parent for whatever reason, I think it's a generous and beautiful thing to let parents who can't have children raise the child. And best for the child.

That's fine, you don't have to "get" it. Some of us have seen the range of "types" of people who seek to adopt. You make a lot of assumptions and you are naive to think it's all just well-meaning people who can't have their own kids.

There are major pluses and minuses on both ends of that situation. But you have your view, others have theirs, that's the way it is.

Meanwhile, I agree that this wasn't a real "I'm in this situation" question. I wish that if people didn't have anything new to say, they'd let this thread die because it's obviously not "real". But hey, that's just me. Last post on this for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I can't just give a blanket "Yes, adoption is great OP, go for it" without knowing OP's situations. It sounds like your parents were very thoughtful and caring about it, and did what they thought was best. We have zero info from OP about her or someone else's situation. We don't know if these are parents in dire straights of some kind, or spoiled selfish middle/upper class folks who could provide for a child but realized that a baby isn't the cute accessory they thought it was. I have seriously encountered both types of people. And I would judge the 2nd type, but I totally understand and support the first type.

You might judge the second type for their immaturity/foolishness, but wouldn't you judge them more harshly if they didn't want to deal with the trouble of a baby and DIDN'T give the baby up for adoption? Even if you give your baby up for adoption because you are a terrible person, in my mind, you're better than the terrible person who doesn't give the baby up for adoption and instead subjects the child to a life of bad/unloving parenting.

[Anonymous]

My neighbor adopted a girl at 2 years old. DC was 1 years old, when she was put in foster care as mother had addiction problems. Mother couldn't get clean and didn't fight for DC so my neighbor adopted her through foster-to-adopt.

[Anonymous]

Once you're adopting from foster care, it's pretty much a done deal that the parents wouldn't/couldn't provide basic care to their child(ren) and the kids needed to be adopted. It takes a lot of evidence of abuse/serious neglect for CPS to say "We have to take these kids away" and even more to say "Now we can't give them back". Don't really see how anyone could argue about adoption in that case - it's the only way for those kids to have a permanent home.

[Anonymous]

I was supposed to be adopted immediately by the family who adopted my biological sibling. Instead, my mother took me home and ended up surrendering me at 4 months when she realized what she'd gotten herself into. My parents said it didn't matter at all that they had to wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:14: Can I still do it??

That's a great age to leave them at the firehouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do what is best for the baby. If you think you can't handle or would not be a good mother, there are so many people who will be absolutely delighted to adopt a six-month-old. If that is what you want to do, do it.

PS. To answer your question, no, I would not look down on someone who did this. But do it now, not when the kid is four or five and harder to adopt.

Many families will adopt an older child, especially 4-5. A healthy child will get adopted quickly. One with any issues, it just depends on the issues and family.

If the child had not issue before, s/he will certainly have now after being given away like a puppy by his own parents. A baby yes, a preschooler? Talk about abandonment issues….

I know. Even at 6 months they will have some trust issues. How sad for the baby it isn't wanted. Selfish parents to bring it into the world and then abandon it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:14: Can I still do it??

That's a great age to leave them at the firehouse.

You resurrected this thread just to make a snide comment? You're a real winner.

[Anonymous]

We adopted an "older" baby from a family member. She had wicked PPD that wouldn't go away and was causing her to neglect the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was adopted at 3 months after being placed in foster care following birth.im glad my parents adopted me and I hope my bio "mom" rots in hell.

Honestly OP, if your bio mom was so badly off that you were removed from her (due to her abuse of you or neglect), then trust me, as evil as she may have been... she is living in a rotting hell.

Voluntary surrender. She asked to be knocked out for the delivery and never saw or held me. Apparently she then became too busy to sign the papers because after a year they finally terminated her parental rights.

My step sister did a "voluntary surrender" because her mother forced her to do it. When my other sister got pg too, my step mom tried to get her to give up her baby as well. When my other sister refused, my mom broke off all contact with her and refused to provide any help or ever see the baby. So I just wonder if the voluntary surrender was as voluntary as you think. My sister who did the "voluntary surrender" has suffered so much from doing this.

[Anonymous]

This happened to an in law of mine. Her mom gave her up when she was 6 months old. Yes, my friend has had issues accepting that she was given away, I think. But she understands that her birth mom could not take care of her, and she now seems well adjusted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Do what is best for the baby. If you think you can't handle or would not be a good mother, there are so many people who will be absolutely delighted to adopt a six-month-old. If that is what you want to do, do it.


PS. To answer your question, no, I would not look down on someone who did this. But do it now, not when the kid is four or five and harder to adopt.


Many families will adopt an older child, especially 4-5. A healthy child will get adopted quickly. One with any issues, it just depends on the issues and family.


If the child had not issue before, s/he will certainly have now after being given away like a puppy by his own parents. A baby yes, a preschooler? Talk about abandonment issues….


I know. Even at 6 months they will have some trust issues. How sad for the baby it isn't wanted. Selfish parents to bring it into the world and then abandon it.

What a load of crap. The people I know with issues about adoption are not the adoptees themselves.