Putting older kids up for adoption

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you even easily put a child up for adoption if the child is older than 1 month old? Can you just give up parental rights? I don't think you can… I think the State can not obligate you to raise your child, even so because it would not be in the child's best interest to be raised by someone who does not want them, so while the state can remove the child if asked, the parents still have financial obligation to support the minor, at lest until (and IF) adoptive parents are found.

This is completely untrue. OP, if you want to give up your child, surrender it to CFSA (or whatever the child and family services dept is called in your state) and then move to terminate your parental rights. The social workers will help you and will probably try to initially reunify the child with you (by setting up supervised visitation, getting you services you may need), but if you sincerely do not want to parent, the court will eventually terminate your parental rights after a period of time. In dc I think it's 6-12 ,on this after surrendering, but I'm not completely positive. You won't be obligated to support the child once you surrender it to the state.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do what is best for the baby. If you think you can't handle or would not be a good mother, there are so many people who will be absolutely delighted to adopt a six-month-old. If that is what you want to do, do it.

PS. To answer your question, no, I would not look down on someone who did this. But do it now, not when the kid is four or five and harder to adopt.

Many families will adopt an older child, especially 4-5. A healthy child will get adopted quickly. One with any issues, it just depends on the issues and family.

If the child had not issue before, s/he will certainly have now after being given away like a puppy by his own parents. A baby yes, a preschooler? Talk about abandonment issues….

What happens when the mother suddenly disappears for most of every day, but then shows up every night just before bedtime?

[Anonymous]

OP, I say this as someone who had PPD and for a good 6-7 months thought I should have given up DS for adoption the second he was born. Even with treatment, it took me a LONG time to bond with him. Now he's 15 months and I can't imagine my life without him. My point is that if the reason this person is thinking of putting up the child for adoption is strictly emotional, perhaps they need to get into some therapy or other treatment to make sure it is the right thing to do.

[Anonymous]

A six month old baby is in no way an older child. It is prime time for adoption.

[Anonymous]

What if the child is 8. Is that wrong?

[Anonymous]

14: Can I still do it??

[Anonymous]

OP - Whatever your reason for wanting to give up your baby, contact social service or a church or someone that can help you. It could be the best gift you could give your baby. So many people want a child. Babies adopted from foreign countries are generally a little older so it is not common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do what is best for the baby. If you think you can't handle or would not be a good mother, there are so many people who will be absolutely delighted to adopt a six-month-old. If that is what you want to do, do it.

PS. To answer your question, no, I would not look down on someone who did this. But do it now, not when the kid is four or five and harder to adopt.

Many families will adopt an older child, especially 4-5. A healthy child will get adopted quickly. One with any issues, it just depends on the issues and family.

If the child had not issue before, s/he will certainly have now after being given away like a puppy by his own parents. A baby yes, a preschooler? Talk about abandonment issues….

What happens when the mother suddenly disappears for most of every day, but then shows up every night just before bedtime?

You're a fucking idiot.

[Anonymous]

I think it makes sense for there to be support for people who realize that they do not want to/cannot parent rather than bashing them for it. It seems like a much kinder and more ethical act to hand a child over to more capable hands than forcing unwilling parents to have custody and then years later ending up with what would be in the best case scenario a provided for but unloved child all the way up to worst case scenario a parent getting so overwhelmed that it ends up somehow as a tragic story on the news.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you even easily put a child up for adoption if the child is older than 1 month old? Can you just give up parental rights? I don't think you can… I think the State can not obligate you to raise your child, even so because it would not be in the child's best interest to be raised by someone who does not want them, so while the state can remove the child if asked, the parents still have financial obligation to support the minor, at lest until (and IF) adoptive parents are found.

Yes, a parent may at any age and at any time choose to place their child via with another family via a private adoption. An adoption agency or an adoption lawyer can assist with this process. It is not illegal and social services will not be involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:14: Can I still do it??

You can do it up to age 18 in most states.
I would not look down upon someone who decided to give their child up for adoption at a young age (like, age two or under). Healthy babies and toddlers are easy to place in loving, secure homes.
I would look down on someone who:
a) could never adequately care for their child but never reliquished parental rights; and someone who
b) could never adequately care for their child but took 14 years to admit it.
Both types of "parents" do serious damage to their families and society.

[Anonymous]

Honestly at this point why are people even still talking about this when OP has not been back to give further details so people have an idea of the situation?? I work for CPS and I would NOT answer OPs question as asked. It is key to giving a good, helpful answer that OP explain what is going on in the family and why the parent(s) are considering this drastic step. Honestly everyone is doing more harm than good arguing about it when the basic details are so crucial to the right answer.

OP in order to get everyone's best thinking, you really need to say a lot more about WHY you or another parent are considering this: what's going on with the parent, what's going on with the child, why do you think adoption might be the best option?

[Anonymous]

If it were me, I would contact a private adoption agency and ask them, anonymously at first without giving your contact information, how it would work. Then think about it before moving forward. At 6 months old, I wouldn't think it would be very damaging to the child who will never remember and another family would love to become parents.

[Anonymous]

Contact The Barker Foundation. They have a 24-hour hotline for questions like this. 1-888-731-6601

[Anonymous]

How the heck do you just give away your child like an unwanted pet? Do you have any family? How would you have liked it if you were given away like chattel?