Only one date, how to let down

[Anonymous]

You are right that in one date how could someone show that many red flags, so here are some:

Smiled 3 times during the date. Did not greet me with a smile or shake my hand. He loosened up at the end of the date so I thought it was nerves.

Spoke of being estranged to siblings and parents

The morning after our date said that he walked out of work and called a coworker a dbag

The final straw were two messages asking something a little too personal and then asking for a photo of me for his phone. Gave me the total creeps.

[Patrick_Caballero]

thanks for this post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here I sent the nice message suggested and got back:

"It's your loss, you won't find better"

Yeah, red flags folks...

Kudos on sending the message, but those flags aren't very red. He's just showing he has self respect. What should he have said in this situation, something self derogatory, like "good move on your part, I'm a total ass clown"?

Are you really that dense PP? He should have maintained his dignity and either said nothing or "good luck to you." Instead he went for the 7th grade jerk response which just confirmed OP's judgement.

How you see his response as "showing he has self respect" is concerning. How old are you? You can think that response to make yourself feel better, but mature adults with self-respect don't text that back.

Dense PP here. At this point, does he even have any dignity left to maintain? OPs rejection note may have been cushioned in pleasantries, but at its core, the message is "you're not good enough", like all rejection messages are. Saying nothing in response would have implied meek acceptance on his part. Wishing her luck implies that she can't attract anyone (of his "caliber") with her own natural qualities; she needs some divine intervention of some lucky force. It sounds like OP already had so many reasons built up against him that refraining from saying one 7th grade jerk response would not have restored him to her good graces. Maybe rescuing a burning bus full of kindergarteners that plunged off the Bay bridge would have won him some favor - MAYBE, until the next date anyway.

Fwiw, (since time & age are recurring under currents in your post) I'm in my 30s, and I would never say say that response - I'm just not that conceited. But I don't wish anyone luck if I don't think they need it, either. It's a hollow sentimentality, and a backhanded way of saying "you won't find anyone better".

[Anonymous]

^^ what are you smoking, PP? Wishing him luck is a polite way of saying that it was nice meeting him, but she doesn't feel a romantic spark - which actually happens all the time in dating and has zero to do with how good or worthy or attractive or appealing someone is or isn't.
It just boils down to chemistry. The truth is, this creep was totally inappropriate and rude with OP and she was kinder than he deserved. Very odd that you would think his text to her was normal or okay in any way, simply because she politely declined a second date. Get some counseling!

[Anonymous]

Better to remain silent and thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here I sent the nice message suggested and got back:

"It's your loss, you won't find better"

Yeah, red flags folks...

Kudos on sending the message, but those flags aren't very red. He's just showing he has self respect. What should he have said in this situation, something self derogatory, like "good move on your part, I'm a total ass clown"?

uh? actually they are very bright red. so having self respect in your book means coming out like an idiot ("there is nobody else better than me on earth for you" - yes, sure) to a woman who let you know in a polite way that she was not interested in dating you? (I guess you think she should have dated him anyway, so not to offend him, or string him along for a while). she did not offend him.

OP, high five to you for spotting the flags immediately.

those are red flags? I've gotten responses like that from several men. I didn't take those as red flags. It reads like disappointment expressed childishly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here I sent the nice message suggested and got back:

"It's your loss, you won't find better"

Yeah, red flags folks...

Kudos on sending the message, but those flags aren't very red. He's just showing he has self respect. What should he have said in this situation, something self derogatory, like "good move on your part, I'm a total ass clown"?

Are you really that dense PP? He should have maintained his dignity and either said nothing or "good luck to you." Instead he went for the 7th grade jerk response which just confirmed OP's judgement.

How you see his response as "showing he has self respect" is concerning. How old are you? You can think that response to make yourself feel better, but mature adults with self-respect don't text that back.

Dense PP here. At this point, does he even have any dignity left to maintain? OPs rejection note may have been cushioned in pleasantries, but at its core, the message is "you're not good enough", like all rejection messages are. Saying nothing in response would have implied meek acceptance on his part. Wishing her luck implies that she can't attract anyone (of his "caliber") with her own natural qualities; she needs some divine intervention of some lucky force. It sounds like OP already had so many reasons built up against him that refraining from saying one 7th grade jerk response would not have restored him to her good graces. Maybe rescuing a burning bus full of kindergarteners that plunged off the Bay bridge would have won him some favor - MAYBE, until the next date anyway.

Fwiw, (since time & age are recurring under currents in your post) I'm in my 30s, and I would never say say that response - I'm just not that conceited. But I don't wish anyone luck if I don't think they need it, either. It's a hollow sentimentality, and a backhanded way of saying "you won't find anyone better".

I think of it more as "we're not a great fit" more than "you're not good enough." It's not OP's job to try to find chemistry in every guy. It's there or it isn't, with no fault to either party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here I sent the nice message suggested and got back:

"It's your loss, you won't find better"

Yeah, red flags folks...

Kudos on sending the message, but those flags aren't very red. He's just showing he has self respect. What should he have said in this situation, something self derogatory, like "good move on your part, I'm a total ass clown"?

uh? actually they are very bright red. so having self respect in your book means coming out like an idiot ("there is nobody else better than me on earth for you" - yes, sure) to a woman who let you know in a polite way that she was not interested in dating you? (I guess you think she should have dated him anyway, so not to offend him, or string him along for a while). she did not offend him.

OP, high five to you for spotting the flags immediately.

those are red flags? I've gotten responses like that from several men. I didn't take those as red flags. It reads like disappointment expressed childishly.

Yes, those are red flags that the guy is a d-bag.
That he's not someone you would want to be in a relationship with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here I sent the nice message suggested and got back:

"It's your loss, you won't find better"

Yeah, red flags folks...

Kudos on sending the message, but those flags aren't very red. He's just showing he has self respect. What should he have said in this situation, something self derogatory, like "good move on your part, I'm a total ass clown"?

"If you ever need to reach me, I'll be ranting about women in the comment section of a Yahoo News article."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Kudos on sending the message, but those flags aren't very red. He's just showing he has self respect. What should he have said in this situation, something self derogatory, like "good move on your part, I'm a total ass clown"?

Actually, it's self-deprecating humor and yes, that is more demonstrative of self-confidence than anything.

(not directed to the quoted poster) As the woman PP said: just be clear out of common courtesy - the fade might be common, but that does not mean it's nice. Treating others as we'd like to be treated is the sign of a decent moral human being - instant Karma is gonna get ya.