Out of the dating scene for a while...what's up with this weird behavior?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks it is weird to text in order to schedule a time to talk? Just call. If she picks up, great. If not, leave a voicemail, follow up with a text, and call back a few days later if she hasn't called you back. Just go ahead and arrange the date and see each other. Stop with all this "trying to be witty" over texting bs.

Depends on how busy the guy is. I am in my early 50s (married for a long time) and have friends this age who are divorced. They are quite busy and so they schedule times to talk because they want to give the woman his attention and know that time works for them.

[Anonymous]

Scheduling a time to call is passive behavior and would not get my juices running for a guy. I actually find this more common in older guys than I do in the younger guys I've dated. My theory is that a guy pursuing a woman older than him probably has balls anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Scheduling a time to call is passive behavior and would not get my juices running for a guy. I actually find this more common in older guys than I do in the younger guys I've dated. My theory is that a guy pursuing a woman older than him probably has balls anyway.

If he's under 28 or so, yeah. If older than that, it's basically cause girls his age and younger are rejecting him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Scheduling a time to call is passive behavior and would not get my juices running for a guy. I actually find this more common in older guys than I do in the younger guys I've dated. My theory is that a guy pursuing a woman older than him probably has balls anyway.

If he's under 28 or so, yeah. If older than that, it's basically cause girls his age and younger are rejecting him.

any man at any time who pursues an older woman is doing it because the younger ones reject him.

older woman is a consolation prize, not for winners

[Anonymous]

OP back with an update. He called after my last text. We had a nice conversation. Agreed to meet for a drink this evening. An hour before the date he sent a text to say a family obligation had come up and he had to cancel, would call me after Xmas.

Obviously I'm done. But wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP back with an update. He called after my last text. We had a nice conversation. Agreed to meet for a drink this evening. An hour before the date he sent a text to say a family obligation had come up and he had to cancel, would call me after Xmas.

Obviously I'm done. But wow.

Clearly this guy is not what you're looking for but I have advice for you. These kind of things are bound to happen and happen with some frequency. You gotta get some tougher skin about it and take it as part of the game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP back with an update. He called after my last text. We had a nice conversation. Agreed to meet for a drink this evening. An hour before the date he sent a text to say a family obligation had come up and he had to cancel, would call me after Xmas.

Obviously I'm done. But wow.

married

[Anonymous]

If he texts after 11pm, just text him the next day.

[Anonymous]

Oops, sorry - just read the update...forget my post above.
yes, married. forget him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Scheduling a time to call is passive behavior and would not get my juices running for a guy. I actually find this more common in older guys than I do in the younger guys I've dated. My theory is that a guy pursuing a woman older than him probably has balls anyway.

If he's under 28 or so, yeah. If older than that, it's basically cause girls his age and younger are rejecting him.

any man at any time who pursues an older woman is doing it because the younger ones reject him.

older woman is a consolation prize, not for winners

That has not been the experience of my friends AT ALL.
Some real morons have taken over this forum.
Gah, go away!

[Anonymous]

OP, did you tell him not to bother?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Scheduling a time to call is passive behavior and would not get my juices running for a guy. I actually find this more common in older guys than I do in the younger guys I've dated. My theory is that a guy pursuing a woman older than him probably has balls anyway.

If he's under 28 or so, yeah. If older than that, it's basically cause girls his age and younger are rejecting him.

any man at any time who pursues an older woman is doing it because the younger ones reject him.

older woman is a consolation prize, not for winners

Honey, get some experience with real women and get back to us. OK? No one gives a fuck about 60 year old ideas from a 20 year old. It's almost ok. I thought I knew everything when I was a teen. I got into the real world and learned a thing or two.

[Anonymous]

Clearly this guy is not what you're looking for but I have advice for you. These kind of things are bound to happen and happen with some frequency. You gotta get some tougher skin about it and take it as part of the game.

OP back, your point is legitimate and will probably serve me well. I'm just smarting from what a rough first experience this was. I have a DD who will be 2 soon, and as she's very young I haven't wanted to devote any energy (and frankly, haven't had the energy) to dating. However, I would like to raise her in a 2 parent household if I can, which means I need to get out there sometime. Her dad and I are good friends but not good partners. This guy was at the bar where my company held their holiday party so it was a somewhat serendipitous meeting, and I figured, why not?

When I do begin dating in earnest, I fully expect some bad experiences. But if being gas-lit by text and essentially stood up (I got his text while sitting by myself at the bar, waiting) is "part of the game", frankly I don't know if it's worth it. DD and I have a good life. Why be stood up at my neighborhood bar when I can hang with my little girl?

But I know why. My mom married my step-dad when I was 17l. She and I are very close, and she would be quite lonely without him. I don't want my DD to ever worry about me that way when she's old enough to understand these things.

And yes, this is a lot of worrying over one bad experience. Onward and upward, as they say. Thanks for the support, all.

[Anonymous]

17, not 171. If I was as old as the crypt-keeper it'd be understandable why I was stood up.

[Anonymous]

OP, please use this as a learning experience. Burned you on your first date and you still accepted a second?! Self-respect, woman!! A guy who can't be bothered to meet you the first time you set up a date, will NEVER make you a priority. If a man did this to me, no amount of "nice calls" would garner him a second change. Value yourself snd you time more highly. A guy eho can get away with standing you up and still get you on the phone will never respect you.

Good luck!!! Hope you find a real man.