Out of the dating scene for a while...what's up with this weird behavior?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guys tend to be assholes more in their 20s and girls tend to like assholes more in their 20s. Eventually we get our heads out of our collective asses.

So true! And hilarious.

[Anonymous]

Am I the only one who thinks it is weird to text in order to schedule a time to talk? Just call. If she picks up, great. If not, leave a voicemail, follow up with a text, and call back a few days later if she hasn't called you back. Just go ahead and arrange the date and see each other. Stop with all this "trying to be witty" over texting bs.

[Anonymous]

OP back with an update. He texted again this morning, to set up another time to talk. What the hell, man?? Just pick up the damn phone. I wrote back very nicely, "I'm sorry we can't seem to connect. Have a nice holiday".

[Anonymous]

OP must be 35ish+

most girls in their 20's wont even pick up the phone if you call them

the idea of talking on the phone is totally foreign and petrifying for most of them

its not weird to schedule a time to call via text.

i do it all the time (also via email) for work and personal.

this way you're not invading people's space with a call

and yes, thats the way a phone call is seen these days

if you can't text well and text often now, you're going to be at a disadvantage in the dating scene

better brush up on your 'text game'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP back with an update. He texted again this morning, to set up another time to talk. What the hell, man?? Just pick up the damn phone. I wrote back very nicely, "I'm sorry we can't seem to connect. Have a nice holiday".

that just means his wife/GF/FWB is out of town and he suddenly has some free time and is looking to nail down a fresh piece of ass....it tends to work only b/c many women don't seem to turn away the assholes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP must be 35ish+

most girls in their 20's wont even pick up the phone if you call them

the idea of talking on the phone is totally foreign and petrifying for most of them

its not weird to schedule a time to call via text.

i do it all the time (also via email) for work and personal.

this way you're not invading people's space with a call

and yes, thats the way a phone call is seen these days

if you can't text well and text often now, you're going to be at a disadvantage in the dating scene

better brush up on your 'text game'

I think if it's a guy the 25 y/o girl likes anyway, him calling on the phone is going to be seen as "romantic and old-school' as opposed to "stalkerish and creepy."

In what universe is it ok to arrange a time to talk (over text, email, in person, etc.) and then blow it off multiple times?

Well, maybe it's ok, but it's surely a sign that OP is pretty low on this guy's priority list.

And as for the double and triple booking + flaking, maybe it's better the folks who do that don't get married. Is this a relatively recent (past 10-15 years) thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP must be 35ish+

most girls in their 20's wont even pick up the phone if you call them

the idea of talking on the phone is totally foreign and petrifying for most of them

its not weird to schedule a time to call via text.

i do it all the time (also via email) for work and personal.

this way you're not invading people's space with a call

and yes, thats the way a phone call is seen these days

if you can't text well and text often now, you're going to be at a disadvantage in the dating scene

better brush up on your 'text game'

I think if it's a guy the 25 y/o girl likes anyway, him calling on the phone is going to be seen as "romantic and old-school' as opposed to "stalkerish and creepy."

In what universe is it ok to arrange a time to talk (over text, email, in person, etc.) and then blow it off multiple times?

Well, maybe it's ok, but it's surely a sign that OP is pretty low on this guy's priority list.

And as for the double and triple booking + flaking, maybe it's better the folks who do that don't get married. Is this a relatively recent (past 10-15 years) thing?

calling will be seen as an old man thing to do and creepy. but like you said, if a woman is into a man he can do all kinds of things that would be deemed creepy otherwise.

its not ok to blow anyone off, thats not what im saying.

the triple booking and flaking is relatively new, largely due to social media, texting, dating apps, etc - and more concentrated in the younger ages from what i understand. doesn't happen to me, but apparently its a thing.

[Anonymous]

You old

[Anonymous]

Op, texting is not a lot of work. It's the lazy man's (and woman's) form of communication. It can also be done on the sly. I suspect he's got a girlfriend or is married. If neither is the case, then he's not the right guy for you. I'd tell him not to contact you again and then block him if he insists. He's not worth the energy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A couple of years ago, I was stood up by a guy who I'd gone out with a couple of times. We had a great time and he texted me while we were both out of town -- for about a week. He let me know he was back in town and then we were supposed to go out the following night. Definite plans and a reservation was made. He disappeared off the face of the earth.

I've dated a lot and that's happened to me once. Not flaking out...that happens a lot. But full on being stood up. It was a blow to the ego for sure. I considered whether he was married -- we met online. I always come back to, it is probably an issue with them and not with me/you. Let it be and assume this guy would be more drama than he's worth. Put me in the column of "you haven't heard the last of him yet." Please update!

This reminds me of the Sex and the City episode when Miranda got stood up. She was pissed so she called the guy's home to bitch...his mother answered the phone and told her the guy died.

I love texting but I will say that sometimes, you just have to pick up the phone and have an actual conversation-but then again, I am no longer in my 30's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Texting is quite possibly the worst thing to ever happen to dating.

+1,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Texting is quite possibly the worst thing to ever happen to dating.

+1,000

+ Caller ID and voice mail. Guys can't lie and say they tried to call, but there was no answer, the line was busy, and all the other bullshit they used to get away with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP must be 35ish+

most girls in their 20's wont even pick up the phone if you call them

the idea of talking on the phone is totally foreign and petrifying for most of them

its not weird to schedule a time to call via text.

i do it all the time (also via email) for work and personal.

this way you're not invading people's space with a call

and yes, thats the way a phone call is seen these days

if you can't text well and text often now, you're going to be at a disadvantage in the dating scene

better brush up on your 'text game'u

I text just fine, PP. I'm just not interested in exchanging 14 texts with someone I barely know to repeatedly set up a phone call that doesn't happen. If communicating like an adult is out of style, oh well. Doesn't mean I need to hop in the kiddie pool too.

[Anonymous]

It happens, OP. I was stood up three times by the same guy! He kept apologizing and sending flowers, so I set up another date with him! This was in the dark ages before texting. It was very odd, and it was the only time this ever happened to me. He was recently divorced, and not ready to date is my feeling. Finally I told him I didn't think it was worth it setting up another date. I didn't want him spending all that money on more flowers.

[Anonymous]

OP said: "Texts me while he's away, then on Wed of following week to set up time to talk, we agreed on 5:30p following day (today). At 5:30 I get a text saying he's tied up at work, I write to say no problem, I'm stuck in traffic, we can talk later. At 8:30p I get a text that's he's "out at an event", and will call me later. It's now 10:20p. "

This doesn't sound flaky to me. He remembered to text her at 5:30 PM the next day, but he had work issues that he would not have known about the day before. She says 'we can talk later' and he messages her early enough in the evening to let her know he's out that night and can't chat.

It's only a problem if it becomes a pattern. None of the above raises an alarm bell to me. I have a friend in CT, a GREAT catch for any woman, who has a very demanding job (owns his own company). He will often call me to tell me when he can call me. Yesterday he called and he said that he had a lot going on and that he only wanted to talk a short time because he wanted to be able to really focus on the conversation and felt too scattered.

I've known him for 30 years, long enough to know he's just wired like this. He's not a narcissist, etc., just has a lot on his plate and wants to be respectful.