Age Guilt

[Anonymous]

The 45 year old adoptive parent here! Thanks all!!!

[Anonymous]

My grandmother had 3 children, at 35, 40 and 45. The youngest one predeceased her in a car accident when he was 37. You really never know.

With dc1 I was right in line agewise for this area, mid-30s but dc2 I had at 40 and so am 4-5 years older. By dc3 I probably won't even show up for kid parties and won't notice how much older I am. Just kidding, probably. But I do notice the parents of dc3s are less likely to show up for the daycare related events and childrens parties.

Congrats to 45 yr-old adopting mom!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There have always been older mothers. Not too many generations ago women started having kids in their late teens when they married and had them until their early 40s when menopause stopped things.

My mother was born to my grandmother when she was 40 -- this would have been in the mid 1920s.

These young, insecure DCUM moms who try to shame women in their late 30s through 40s should open a history book once in a while.

Absolutely correct. Older moms are nothing new. My grandmother had seven children, her first in 1941 at age 25 and her last in 1959 at age 43. My MIL was 42 when she had her youngest (my DH) in 1965.

What IS new is older first time moms. But I can't see how that matters one way or another. If anything the older first time mom is in a better position--not already worn out from raising the older children.

The difference is when your grandmother (and others like her) died, they left a bunch of older siblings for the youngest. Now when first time moms in their 40s die, they're not leaving any sort of older, mentor-like person for the kids. My dad is the youngest of seven and his older siblings are almost parental type figures to him. He's not alone in the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will probably get flamed for this, but... As you get into your late 40s and 50s, it is not that you are too tired, but that the DESIRE to do the whole parenting thing decreases. Car pool, test prep, mommy dramas, birthday parties, sports cheering, saving for college, acquaintances of kid parents, getting up early, Saturdays spent at games, picky eaters, worry about teens sex life, ect that you start to think ... no more. Life is too short. Some people just want a more adult oriented life style. that frankly others are living. The days of travelling in your 30s are long passed by that point. OK vent over.

Disagree! You can be like me.....a 45 woman who tried to be a mom for many years....and finally, this year, adopted a newborn...and could not be more ready and excited for it all!!

y for

We struggled with infertility for years too. So I feel like I am so grateful for my kids and probably enjoy all the kid-oriented stuff more because I know it could have not been. I live a pretty full life before our kids came along so now I am thrilled to bits to be a parent, something I longed for for so many years.

^^THIS. All the years, all the miscarriages, the IVFs, the FETs, all the misery, dear lord, all the money. I may be ancient but I rarely forget how grateful I am to have my little boy (now 5), or how close I came to not being a mother. It gives me patience. Hard to believe that I (personally) would have had that sort of perspective in my 20s or 30s. Our son is growing up in peaceful home, and that's gotta be worth something.