Keeping up with your family

[Anonymous]

On some level, putting aside keeping up with the joneses, I think it makes sense some people want to live in the place where they grew up. This is perfectly normal in most parts of the country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's fairly common. I grew up in the Bethesfa/CC area and went to private school. All of my friends were from Bethesda, Chevy Chase, Upper NW or Potomac.
Some of them just refuse to live in Silver Spring (or other middle class towns) because of how it might look. They stres a lot about it, but it just won't be done even though they can't afford the neighborhoods they grew up in.

It's this exactly. It's not shallow, it's more like golden handcuffs. You can't move to the wrong place, you can't quit the country club. It is a very strange phenomenon. I think people going through this are truly puzzled because it's worked for their parents, it's how they grew up, and they got the top educations, jobs, etc., and the numbers are still not adding up. I will look into the Elizabeth Warren thing because it's an interesting phenomenon.

Anyone who wears golden handcuffs has the key to those handcuffs. You can choose to remove them at any point in time.

[Anonymous]

Tell us your income, OP, and then we can solve your problem. Off the cuff, I think you should: ditch the country club and private school ASAP....unnecessary...and, only wealthy people belong in either one. If your local public school super sucks, then move to a better district in MoCo.

PS - no need to live in Potomac or Bethesda...lots of families thrive in olney.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell us your income, OP, and then we can solve your problem. Off the cuff, I think you should: ditch the country club and private school ASAP....unnecessary...and, only wealthy people belong in either one. If your local public school super sucks, then move to a better district in MoCo.

PS - no need to live in Potomac or Bethesda...lots of families thrive in olney.

We make $300,000. I think we've decided to give up private. Our HS is BCC so I think I'm ok with that.

How long is the commute from Olney to downtown DC (with traffic). I'm sure Olney is very nice but I just couldn't move there (for all the reasons in the previous comments).

[Anonymous]

wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:wow.

What's the wow about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:wow.

What's the wow about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH comes from an upper middle class to wealthy family in DC. We've felt a little bit (even subconsciously) like we had to maintain the lifestyle in which he grew up. We also wanted to, but it's getting tougher and tougher and I feel like it's keeping "up with the jone's' but instead of the jone's it's his background and family. The result is feeling like we can only live in certain neighborhoods (NW Dc and close in MC) must continue sending kids to private school, be members of the country club etc. If we had more money I wouldn't mind so much but our budget is too tight.

Anybody else in this situation? I don't need to hear about how dumb it is to feel this way and how I shouldn't worry what others think. I'd love to hear from people who have experienced this and whether they bucked the system or just went along with it.

It's common.

You and DH should read "Millionaire Next Door" and then adjust your lifestyle as needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH comes from an upper middle class to wealthy family in DC. We've felt a little bit (even subconsciously) like we had to maintain the lifestyle in which he grew up. We also wanted to, but it's getting tougher and tougher and I feel like it's keeping "up with the jone's' but instead of the jone's it's his background and family. The result is feeling like we can only live in certain neighborhoods (NW Dc and close in MC) must continue sending kids to private school, be members of the country club etc. If we had more money I wouldn't mind so much but our budget is too tight.

Anybody else in this situation? I don't need to hear about how dumb it is to feel this way and how I shouldn't worry what others think. I'd love to hear from people who have experienced this and whether they bucked the system or just went along with it.

It's common.

You and DH should read "Millionaire Next Door" and then adjust your lifestyle as needed.

I've read it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell us your income, OP, and then we can solve your problem. Off the cuff, I think you should: ditch the country club and private school ASAP....unnecessary...and, only wealthy people belong in either one. If your local public school super sucks, then move to a better district in MoCo.

PS - no need to live in Potomac or Bethesda...lots of families thrive in olney.

We make $300,000. I think we've decided to give up private. Our HS is BCC so I think I'm ok with that.

How long is the commute from Olney to downtown DC (with traffic). I'm sure Olney is very nice but I just couldn't move there (for all the reasons in the previous comments).

OP, please step back and read what you just said. Are you proud of being this person? We make 90K, live in DC proper, and save for retirement, save for college, and manage a vacation each year. You have massively lost perspective on what 300K means. BCC is a great school (I went to Richard Montgomery's IB program, fwiw). Olney is very nice. Silver Spring is very nice. Anywhere where your family can be happy, good people is nice. Life is just too short for this kind of crap. Please do yourself and your family a favor and get over your family and money hang-ups stat.

[Anonymous]

OP is poor snob.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell us your income, OP, and then we can solve your problem. Off the cuff, I think you should: ditch the country club and private school ASAP....unnecessary...and, only wealthy people belong in either one. If your local public school super sucks, then move to a better district in MoCo.

PS - no need to live in Potomac or Bethesda...lots of families thrive in olney.

We make $300,000. I think we've decided to give up private. Our HS is BCC so I think I'm ok with that.

How long is the commute from Olney to downtown DC (with traffic). I'm sure Olney is very nice but I just couldn't move there (for all the reasons in the previous comments).

OP, please step back and read what you just said. Are you proud of being this person? We make 90K, live in DC proper, and save for retirement, save for college, and manage a vacation each year. You have massively lost perspective on what 300K means. BCC is a great school (I went to Richard Montgomery's IB program, fwiw). Olney is very nice. Silver Spring is very nice. Anywhere where your family can be happy, good people is nice. Life is just too short for this kind of crap. Please do yourself and your family a favor and get over your family and money hang-ups stat.

Yes, I am proud of who I am. I'm glad you can make it on 90k in DC. I'm sure it's not easy. Many of the PP understand how I feel because they came from the same background. I enjoy living in Bethesda and have no reason to leave.

[Anonymous]

Sorry about the pressure you feel.
I have learned to live on less and I don't feel like I'm missing out. It helps to have family and friends who are similar to you.Right now you have to stretch to be similar to them financially.
You need to find what's working for your family.Whatever you are doing now, doesn't seem doable for long nor good for your soul.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wow.

What's the wow about?

That so many people are so insecure.

[Anonymous]

Funny. I grew up very wealthy, and sister has become very wealthy. My DH grew up regular professional family upper middle class. His sister is very wealthy.

We are regular. Happy. Have everything we need. I no longer buy thousand dollar bags and shoes but don't really care. I usually look like the nanny.

Small house. But kids go to fancy private. I see some moms trying to show off things, houses, nanny, vacations.

My parents still pay for our vacations. Bought be a nice SUV. Offered to buy us a million plus house---- we said no but I really wanted to say yes.

I think bc I grew up with everything I do let feel the need to keep up with anyone. My sister just bought be a 3k bag for my bday..... I accepted. But that's pretty much where my nice things come from.

i still look like the nanny most days.... Driving my 100k SUV.... Maybe I need to reevaluate my life ?