Some old colleague of my dh crossed the line

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. So after my DH closed down this friendship, this woman contacted him again (2 or so weeks later) and my DH talked to her. What is up with her? He assures me that she was just 'checking in". But why does she have to check in after he had told her i was not comfortable with their friendship?

If he told her to stay away and she violated that to "check in," she did the wrong thing. But he also did the wrong thing if he engaged; it's easy enough to ignore a text or cut a phone call short. She is probably testing the boundaries to see how serious he is about cutting off contact. However, it does take two to keep in touch, so if they're still talking, they're BOTH at fault. There is also no such thing as a "home wrecker." Even if the person outside the marriage is the assertive one and initiates the flirting, that's not exactly admirable behavior, but it takes two people to keep going with it.


Something isn't sitting right with me here, though. Earlier in this thread, everything sounded totally reasonable. The original question and the original way the OP and her DH handled it all sounded fine. But then the OP is wallowing and asking about dredging it up and contacting the woman herself, now the woman has contacted the husband again....and suddenly it's this drama fest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married men and women shouldn't discuss marital troubles or other romantic issues with members of the opposite gender.

don't just dangle that out there, unsupported. please explain why you feel this way.

Not the PP who posted this, but because it sends a message: I'm vulnerable, and I may be available.

[Anonymous]

It could still be harmless; the DH might just be trying to avoid the awkwardness of going from daily contact to no contact. (not that he's right to do so, but sometimes relationships don't end cleanly, they sort of spittle out)

And DH is probably enjoying the attention--even in a smooth marriage, it's a fun surprise to get noticed, and if you're in a stressed-out marriage, it's even more of a lure.

And in general, guys like to fix things and be needed, and here is a woman with a problem and is asking for his ear and advice…very appealing for someone who may be feeling a bit neglected by DW.

So DW, IMO the best thing to do is to start focusing on DH in a positive way ASAP! Fill those holes in his ego with YOUR fixes.

And briefly, without emotion, get a quick conversation with him so you are both on the same page re his contact with this woman.

Finally, I do not agree that in some future time if you want to be friends again with this person, and she is more stable in her life, then to do so. She's shown bad character--she's shown she is willing to cross a line--and you must protect your cherished asset, your DH, your family. People don't change very often, and you don't really want to take a risk to find out if she's changed or not.

Your time is limited; fill it with people with good character.