Some old colleague of my dh crossed the line

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she's that bad, your husband is probably relieved you said something so that he doesn't have to deal with her anymore. He'd have to be brain dead not to realize that she had crossed the line of appropriate behavior.

Op here again--here is the catch. Our kids our young. We have major stressors in our life (money; insane work hours; very sick parent; mil living wit us etc" so our marriage is definitely not smooth sailing. So I'm sure dh enjoyed her attention. Part of me feels sick that I've let our marriage get so weak that I felt threatened by some needy home wrecker and want to rectify this. I just hope it isn't too late. Real life can be a drag and I'm sure the damsel was a breath of fresh air for dh. I guess i should trust that trouble was stopped before she could sweep in and catch him in a weak moment. Right??

[Anonymous]

Right. Your DH did the 100% right thing. He put up a strong boundary, and you should not second guess yourself on that.

If you are worried about your relationship otherwise, now is a good time to plan some regular couple time. It doesn't have to be fancy. You can sit outside after the kids are asleep, or get up early together and have coffee. You need to make the marriage your number one priority.

Also, a few loving acts of kindness go far.

[Anonymous]

You did the right thing. Now STOP talking about these texts with your husband and how terrible this woman this. He's going to get sick of it like I already am after reading your few posts. It's over now leave it alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Right. Your DH did the 100% right thing. He put up a strong boundary, and you should not second guess yourself on that.

If you are worried about your relationship otherwise, now is a good time to plan some regular couple time. It doesn't have to be fancy. You can sit outside after the kids are asleep, or get up early together and have coffee. You need to make the marriage your number one priority.

Also, a few loving acts of kindness go far.

+1

In my mind the text thing is done. Focus on making sure you and DH have time together and that you both feel appreciated and connected. Yes, real life can be a drag, but it doesn't sound like you married someone with a Peter Pan complex. Do you guys have t.v shows you watch together, do you have time to talk where you aren't talking about kids/money/schedule etc., do you have the kids are asleep moments where you sneak upstairs and lock the door ...

[Anonymous]

I had a friend who was getting divorced. They were renting from my cousin, he worked with my cousin, I went to their kids birthday parties, went to festivals and fairs. It went from support to flirting, to hooking up (separated, she had a boyfriend, very limited communications by that point). I never thought it would've happened, but we got so used to talking everyday and spending time together, it's really not that surprising in hindsight.

Your husband did the right thing cutting her off and you did the right thing telling him your discomfort.

[Anonymous]

How wrong would it be to contact this woman to reinforce that she crossed the line?

[Anonymous]

I'm divorced and hate the negative image of the sex-starved divorcee. BUT, her texts were clearly crossing the line and she needs to get her flirt on with someone other than your DH. You did the right thing and I'm glad your DH did too. I do think he should have shut her down when she got flirtatious. That first comment about being the boss -- not so bad. The others are inappropriate.

Once things calm down in her life, if you were friendly and didn't feel this way about her prior to the divorce, you can attempt to rekindle the friendship. IMO, you don't have to be friends with someone you don't feel comfortable around. Your DH needs to draw clear boundaries with anyone he "counsels."

Agree with the others...you can work on your marriage now, before you get into a downward spiral. I wouldn't worry about this particular woman.

[Anonymous]

It was wrong of her, and cutting her off was a reasonable decision. But I am troubled that you are still so angry about it. A similar situation happend to DH with an old friend from grade school, and he told her that he thought they needed to take a break from the friendship (meaning a permanent break, but he is too nice to say it that way). I honestly don't really think about it much at all. DH showed me her texts and emails as they came in, and we talked about how inappropriate she was acting. You talk about your marriage being weak, I would focus on the more general problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How wrong would it be to contact this woman to reinforce that she crossed the line?

Bad idea.
Very rikki lake.
Plus she may get a power kick out of the fact you feel threatened by her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How wrong would it be to contact this woman to reinforce that she crossed the line?

Don't do it. You got what you wanted, everything is going well for you. No need to get entangled, keep the story alive and bring yourself down to her level. Just let it go.

[Anonymous]

Just a different perspective from a husband here. You made a reasonable call and reasonable comment to your husband. He took a hard line (guys are frequently black and white, so this is not unusual). The best way to handle this is to tell him (explicitly) that you hadn't expected him to cut her off completely, but that you appreciate that he did something like that to reassure you. Then leave it. It tells him that he did a good thing and exceeded your expectations. It's a good foundation for rebuilding your marriage by addressing things from a positive perspective. It goes back to the old tried and true suggestion that if you don't do it already, make sure to say one good and positive thing to your spouse every day. And try to decrease the number of negative things you say. Soon it will become habit and you'll be saying good and positive things more often. That keeps the environment healthy and makes your spouse more receptive to working to make things better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just a different perspective from a husband here. You made a reasonable call and reasonable comment to your husband. He took a hard line (guys are frequently black and white, so this is not unusual). The best way to handle this is to tell him (explicitly) that you hadn't expected him to cut her off completely, but that you appreciate that he did something like that to reassure you. Then leave it. It tells him that he did a good thing and exceeded your expectations. It's a good foundation for rebuilding your marriage by addressing things from a positive perspective. It goes back to the old tried and true suggestion that if you don't do it already, make sure to say one good and positive thing to your spouse every day. And try to decrease the number of negative things you say. Soon it will become habit and you'll be saying good and positive things more often. That keeps the environment healthy and makes your spouse more receptive to working to make things better.

Yes, this x 1000.

[Anonymous]

OP - Beat down for that bitch!

[Anonymous]

"My husband loves to coach people through personal crisis so somewhere in the middle of it"

He should turn his attention to his own house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How wrong would it be to contact this woman to reinforce that she crossed the line?

Don't do it. You got what you wanted, everything is going well for you. No need to get entangled, keep the story alive and bring yourself down to her level. Just let it go.

+2

OP you have much bigger issues than this woman if you're even CONSIDERING this. You got what you wanted so stop being dramatic and focus on your family, not her. Jesus...