Am I a nagger?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oops cut off

...like training a puppy. It works much better if I thank him for the things he remembers to do. And remind nicely to do whatever else. He's much more responsive to the positive feedback and it has worked in altering some behaviors (actually on both our parts). I also stopped being mad at some things, he just doesnt see the dirt/mess and I can't expect him to fix it if it doesn revenue register as a problem. Good luck OP.

Really? Did you really just compare interactions with your DH to `training a puppy'?

This here is the problem. You're not in charge. It's not for you to give direction at all. The moment you do, you're out of line, and the more you persist, you're a nag.

The entire paradigm of "my husband doesn't do what i tell him, am I a nag" starts with the premise that you're in a position to tell him what to do in the first place. You're not. You're projecting your values. Maybe he doesn't care about the dishes in the sink -- that's your deal if you do. If you don't like them that way, clean up. But don't demand he do it and complain when he doesn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oops cut off

...like training a puppy. It works much better if I thank him for the things he remembers to do. And remind nicely to do whatever else. He's much more responsive to the positive feedback and it has worked in altering some behaviors (actually on both our parts). I also stopped being mad at some things, he just doesnt see the dirt/mess and I can't expect him to fix it if it doesn revenue register as a problem. Good luck OP.

Really? Did you really just compare interactions with your DH to `training a puppy'?

This here is the problem. You're not in charge. It's not for you to give direction at all. The moment you do, you're out of line, and the more you persist, you're a nag.

The entire paradigm of "my husband doesn't do what i tell him, am I a nag" starts with the premise that you're in a position to tell him what to do in the first place. You're not. You're projecting your values. Maybe he doesn't care about the dishes in the sink -- that's your deal if you do. If you don't like them that way, clean up. But don't demand he do it and complain when he doesn't.

Really? Are you for freaking real???

Why woul one get married if they didn't want to share chores?

[Anonymous]

Take it from someone who has been married a looong time, OP -- it is not worth getting upset about such trivial things. Maybe he took care of some other things during the day that he felt were more important, and maybe he didn't. The bottom line is that it would take you, what, 5 minutes to do those things yourself? Commenting on what your DH didn't do isn't worth it. Zip it and think about the good things DH does do.

[Anonymous]

It would piss me off I asked my H for help and he ignored me. But, I agree with PP who have said it's probably not worth the fight. I ask my H to do stuff all the time. He does most of it. But, at the end of the day, he is a grown ass man and he is not "required" to do anything I tell him to do. I just hope he does. And if he doesn't, he should be prepared for me to be not happy about having to do it all myself.

[Anonymous]

Ugh - why can't women ask for help with something without being a nag? A woman shouldn't have to do everything and if DH doesn't think to get it done on his own without being reminded I think it is ok to ask.

6 mo ago I went back to work and we made a chore list to break up the work - DH has done nothing on his list. It's been 6 mo since our yard has been touched, it had been 4 since our bathroom was cleaned and I couldn't take it anymore...yes repetative reminding is in order, some ppl are just lazy and would rather wait for someone else to take care of it for them.

[Anonymous]

I don't think asking or expecting a spouse to pitch in around the house is nagging. I have trouble figuring out why an adult needs to be asked to put dirty dishes where they go anyway. I was raised to clean up after myself but I realize not everyone was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he was with the kids all day? If my DH expected me to do anything other than childcare while I was with the kids I would go ballistic. So maybe your expectations are too high here.

Yeah, on the one hand, it doesn't sound like your request was that unreasonable. On the other hand, if I asked DW to do a chore while she was home with the kids, she didn't do it, and I then called her out on it, I am sure that conversation would not go well for me.

If you are staying at home with the kids, you should be expected to take care of at least the small household chores. Sorry, kids are not full time in almost all cases.