Am I a nagger?

[Anonymous]

I left for work at noon. I asked DH to please rinse and pile all the dishes they used through out the day in the sink so I could load the DW after dinner, put the clothes from the washer in the dryer and respond to an evite. He only responded to the evite.

I just got home from work tired, the clothes I hoped would be dry we're not and I had to go around dinning room and breakfast nook hunting for old crusty dishes to rinse and load into DW.

If I say something about the things he didn't do I'm a nagger. If I compliment for the one thing he did he will never know all the extra work I did t make up for what he didn't do.

*sigh*

[Anonymous]

Just. Don't. Do. It.

[Anonymous]

Does he ask you to do things too or is it just you?

[Anonymous]

Yes, you are a nagger.

[Anonymous]

I hate this conundrum. You're technically nagging him, but only because he's proven himself incapable of doing it without being nagged (and now incapable even when nagged).

And there are degrees of this, for sure. Some naggers just have very high standards -- too high, imo -- so their requests aren't fair or appropriate.

But in my house, where we never vacuum or clean anything in between biweekly house cleaner visits, DH still doesn't do basics like take the trash out or do a load of dishes when the sink is full.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he was with the kids all day? If my DH expected me to do anything other than childcare while I was with the kids I would go ballistic. So maybe your expectations are too high here.

[Anonymous]

While I'm extremely lucky that my husband takes the trash out w/out reminding and does his own laundry I've had the same issue come up with other things. We talked about it and he said that it really has to be like training a

[Anonymous]

Oops cut off

...like training a puppy. It works much better if I thank him for the things he remembers to do. And remind nicely to do whatever else. He's much more responsive to the positive feedback and it has worked in altering some behaviors (actually on both our parts). I also stopped being mad at some things, he just doesnt see the dirt/mess and I can't expect him to fix it if it doesn revenue register as a problem. Good luck OP.

[Anonymous]

PP again,
Also written lists for him and for me side by side, that way its clear that everyone needs to pull their weight to get the house in order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he was with the kids all day? If my DH expected me to do anything other than childcare while I was with the kids I would go ballistic. So maybe your expectations are too high here.

Yeah, on the one hand, it doesn't sound like your request was that unreasonable. On the other hand, if I asked DW to do a chore while she was home with the kids, she didn't do it, and I then called her out on it, I am sure that conversation would not go well for me.

[Anonymous]

Why are there ever dirty dishes lying around? At any given moment there are no dirty dishes anywhere in my house. Once someone is finished eating, the dish should immediately be washed or put in the dishwasher. Whoever used it should clean up. If it's a child, then whatever parent fed him should clean up.

Am I the odd one here or don't most people immediately clean up dirty dishes? I mean - Why would he rinse and pile them for you? Why wouldn't he put them in the dishwasher?

[Anonymous]

Yes. You shouldn't be telling DH what to do about dishes and washing clothes. He knows what needs to be done.

[Anonymous]

We men are not puppies or in need of training. So yeah, y'all are a bunch of naggaz.....

Naggaz need to have their own place to live separate from the non-naggaz. Their should be signs that say "Naggaz Only."

That said, you should be able to have a real discussion as adults about the chores. But please stop thinking that men need to be "trained." I am a man. I hate that. On the flip side, men, listen up. If your DWs ask you to do things, and you agree to it, you're not incapable of doing it. Think about it: if you dont do that work someone else has to. If you hold a regular job it's no different. If you don't write up the report that you promised you would, your ass would be thrown out to the street. So just do your freaking jobs, but don't submit yourselves to puppy training. Talk about it and use your brains.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he was with the kids all day? If my DH expected me to do anything other than childcare while I was with the kids I would go ballistic. So maybe your expectations are too high here.

WHAT? So because the kids are with you at home you are incapable of loading the dishwasher or starting a load of laundry?

No one should have to nag anyone, everyone should be picking up after themselves. Holy cow I'm glad I don't live with any of you lazy peeps.

[Anonymous]

Are you a woman? Then, yes you probably are a nagger.