Boarding School - Why or Why Not?

[Anonymous]

I went to one of the 'big 3.' I grew up in a suburb of NY without elite day schools. I dont know enough about the schools here - maybe if you live here it isn't worth it. There were a lot of things I didn't like about boarding school, but I will say this - the academic and intellectual experience was incredible - so much so that college (HYP) paled in comparison until junior year when I started in upper level classes in my major. Also, as pps mentioned, the resources were amazing - we're talking school radio stations, rowing teams, diving, things most high school kids would never be exposed to. Not to mention the interaction with the amazing faculty. And for a smart girl, it was so refreshing to have intelligence taken out of the social equation - everyone was smart, so you weren't automatically a 'nerd' for talking in class or getting good grades. For the right kid, I think it can be an amazing experience. I wasn't that kid, and I didn't like it, but my brother thrived and there is no doubt it changed his life for the better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My kids are in college and in high school, and despite all the stress of raising teens, I would never have given up the past few years of having them at home and watching them grow into young adults. Sure, they weren't around the house as much as they were during their childhood years, but that actually made the time with them more precious. We've had some of our best conversations during late night study breaks or driving home after a sports practice or game. If they'd been away at boarding school DH and I would have missed so many opportunities to get to know them as their adult characters and personalities took shape.

To be fair, the breaks at boarding schools are much longer than the breaks at public schools, so it's not like you have no time for quality interaction with your kids.

I understand that the breaks are longer, but that's not the same thing as seeing your kids on a day-by-day basis. Spending time with your child at six-week intervals during a period of intense emotional and cognitive development seems less than optimal to me. You would be missing out on those spontaneous heart-to-heart talks that are a critical part of parenting during the teen years.

+1. My daughter is now in college and my son is closing in on his teen years. By the teen years, yes they are buys and they probably want to be with their friends more than with you. But those little day-to-day moments are really what give you insight into their lives. Whether it's light-hearted private or family jokes, being there to dry tears after a fight with a best friend or heartbreak over a boy, or other big and small moments I don't want to miss them.

I'm a working mom, and we had our kids in daycare when they were small, so I'm not insinuating that all boarding school parents are bad parents. There are good parents and crappy parents everywhere. For our family though, I couldn't have imagined my child going through adolescence and the challenges of her teen years far from home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to one of the 'big 3.' I grew up in a suburb of NY without elite day schools. I dont know enough about the schools here - maybe if you live here it isn't worth it. There were a lot of things I didn't like about boarding school, but I will say this - the academic and intellectual experience was incredible - so much so that college (HYP) paled in comparison until junior year when I started in upper level classes in my major. Also, as pps mentioned, the resources were amazing - we're talking school radio stations, rowing teams, diving, things most high school kids would never be exposed to. Not to mention the interaction with the amazing faculty. And for a smart girl, it was so refreshing to have intelligence taken out of the social equation - everyone was smart, so you weren't automatically a 'nerd' for talking in class or getting good grades. For the right kid, I think it can be an amazing experience. I wasn't that kid, and I didn't like it, but my brother thrived and there is no doubt it changed his life for the better.

+1. For a really smart, driven, independent kid, the day schools don't even come close.
It took my peers in college (HYP like pp) at least 2 years to catch up to those of us from what pp referred to as "the big 3". Which meant we were able to get a lot more out of our college experience, in some ways, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of drugs

Just because you know nothing is no reason to make ugly accusations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to one of the 'big 3.' I grew up in a suburb of NY without elite day schools. I dont know enough about the schools here - maybe if you live here it isn't worth it. There were a lot of things I didn't like about boarding school, but I will say this - the academic and intellectual experience was incredible - so much so that college (HYP) paled in comparison until junior year when I started in upper level classes in my major. Also, as pps mentioned, the resources were amazing - we're talking school radio stations, rowing teams, diving, things most high school kids would never be exposed to. Not to mention the interaction with the amazing faculty. And for a smart girl, it was so refreshing to have intelligence taken out of the social equation - everyone was smart, so you weren't automatically a 'nerd' for talking in class or getting good grades. For the right kid, I think it can be an amazing experience. I wasn't that kid, and I didn't like it, but my brother thrived and there is no doubt it changed his life for the better.

+1. For a really smart, driven, independent kid, the day schools don't even come close.
It took my peers in college (HYP like pp) at least 2 years to catch up to those of us from what pp referred to as "the big 3". Which meant we were able to get a lot more out of our college experience, in some ways, too.

Bs. My sibs and I all graduated from ncs/sta and all graduated magna or summa from hyp. We did just as well as the Exeter, St. Paul's, etc. crew

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of drugs and alchohol.

My DD was a day student at a local boarding school and this simply wasn't true. The school was very strict and girls were disciplined for on and off campus behavior. According to my DD, and our experience with another kid who attended a local private school, the level of drugs and alcohol is much higher at the local privates than at her particular boarding school.

As to the people who think they are going to be having lots of special moments with their high school student - that really depends on the kid. True for one of mine, not so much for the other.

The people I know with kids in boarding school tend to have very close ties with them. Not only are the breaks long, but parents frequently travel for sports events, plays and other events.

[Anonymous]

Bs. My sibs and I all graduated from ncs/sta and all graduated magna or summa from hyp. We did just as well as the Exeter, St. Paul's, etc. crew

Yes, and I went to school with people who went to my high performing public school in the Chicago suburbs and graduated magna or summa from hyp. There are many routes to success and many routes to being well prepared for college. However, I will say that there is something to be said for going to a school for high school that has an endowment larger than most colleges just in terms of resources and opportunities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dh went to boarding school, and we talk about it sometimes as an option for our kids. I read something which resonated with me, which is that for a kid who fits very well into his/her peers' value system, boarding school is great, because the kid is with peers 24/7. But for a kid who is divergent from the peers in some way - socially, intellectually, whatever - he/she doesn't have any time/place to step away. There is no "time off" from the social dynamics of the class. I could see that for someone like me in HS, that might have been exhausting even though the academics and facilities would have been great.

DH's boarding school's head said that each year a few students are expelled for drug/alcohol offenses, but many more students leave because of mental health issues. That would be my greatest concern - that the pressure could be too much in an environment where I'm not there to help dc manage it and provide support.

that's a polite, indirect way of saying: rich, white, thin, and pretty, amirite? or, rich, white, athletic and good-looking if a boy. oh, and most important factor is rich. as for academics, you shouldn't be a moron, but that's not what makes or breaks you socially...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Bs. My sibs and I all graduated from ncs/sta and all graduated magna or summa from hyp. We did just as well as the Exeter, St. Paul's, etc. crew

Yes, and I went to school with people who went to my high performing public school in the Chicago suburbs and graduated magna or summa from hyp. There are many routes to success and many routes to being well prepared for college. However, I will say that there is something to be said for going to a school for high school that has an endowment larger than most colleges just in terms of resources and opportunities.

Do you live in dc?

[Anonymous]

Do you live in dc?

I used lived in DC for 7 years. Don't anymore.

[Anonymous]

blarg can't type ^^ "I lived in DC for seven years. Don't anymore"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Do you live in dc?

I used lived in DC for 7 years. Don't anymore.

Did you or a child of yours attend ncs, sta, or sidwell?

[Anonymous]

I wanted to go to boarding school. My parents rxn was, you go to ncs which is a great school and you already have a place to live. We aren't paying for you to live somewhere else!

[Anonymous]

Did you or a child of yours attend ncs, sta, or sidwell?

No, but I have several friends who have attended those places.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Did you or a child of yours attend ncs, sta, or sidwell?

No, but I have several friends who have attended those places.

And what do you think your boarding school offers that these day schools do not?