Boarding School - Why or Why Not?

[Anonymous]

Why tell her, if it would almost kill you?

I do know of unusual cases where kids push for boarding school. But, I would never push the idea. My son almost had to go away, because he wasn't thriving in our local high school in 9th grade -- I'm so happy that I finally found a very small private high school in the D.C. area that worked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to Deerfield. I grew up in the South Bronx and there was a drama teacher at my middle school who decided I need more than life was going to give me at home. My mom is a waitress who gets fired a lot and has a lot of boyfriends. It was sort of like I had drive, but didn't know what direction to point it in.

So my drama teacher pushed me to apply, and pushed me to get financial aid forms filled out. I remember her saying to my mother on the phone, "If I bring you a carton of smokes, THEN will you find your taxes from last year?" My mother made that teacher give her the carton AND take us out to a nice dinner too.

But I got my application in, and was accepted. My mother bitched that I wasn't home to work after school, but she was also proud, although didn't really understand what exactly to brag about, like she didn't get that New England was a group of states but MA was one state.

It was great for me, I was really independent and didn't crave the approval of other kids so much, so peer pressure was not an issue for me. I made lots of friends, some of whom I'm still friends with now, and got into a fantastic college that took my life in a great direction.

My school was ... in the South Bronx. I am white. That should pretty much tell you everything you need to know about my public school experience. My DD has a similar drive to the one I had but unless she asks, I don't intend to send her to boarding school.

I have no experience with boarding schools, but I did have a bias against them because I think parents should not send their kids away. It always seemed barbaric to me.

Thanks for posting your story. First, it is an amazing one. I think it is wonderful that a teacher recognized and nurtured your intellect and drive and helped you in that way. Second, you made me realize that my conclusion that boarding school is always a terrible idea was just incorrect.

[Anonymous]

Why tell her, if it would almost kill you?

I do know of unusual cases where kids push for boarding school. But, I would never push the idea. My son almost had to go away, because he wasn't thriving in our local high school in 9th grade -- I'm so happy that I finally found a very small private high school in the D.C. area that worked.

I think there's a big difference between pushing a child into going to boarding school and mentioning it as a possible choice of many. I know at 14 that I didn't even know that such things existed except in the vaguest way--I thought it was something I read about in British novels. It wasn't until high school when I met a friend of a friend who didn't go to high school with us because he went to Exeter.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I mentioned it. She burst into tears and said she didn't want to go away for boarding school. She has apparently heard of them. She may later change her mind, but for now, phew!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No I wouldn't do it. I love my kid and want to parent my own kid.

Who cares about a stupid family tradition.

Or sports for that matter. It's amazing to me that parents would consider cutting short the few precious years they have to live with their child just so their child can play some dumb sport.

[Anonymous]

Why send your child away if there are options at home? I just don't get it. Don't you want to have dinner together, hug each other, sit companionably and watch TV, discuss current events, do mundane things like grocery store and special things like museum or movie? I'm not trying to start trouble, but I can't imagine sending my 14-year-old away for long stretches.

[Anonymous]

I just want to add my 2 cents. My friends who went to boarding school seemed to have easy access to drugs. I'm not sure how different that is from any prep school, but without parents around I felt like they were more likely to get in trouble. None came out addicts or anything extreme, but the differences in supervision seemed obvious. One relative ended up getting kicked out for a drug relayed incident that fairly confident wouldn't have happened at home. Between family, friends, etc. I think he would have been caught or snitched on before things went so far.

[Anonymous]

Lots of drugs and alchohol.

[Anonymous]

I have heard it is like college accelerated - both the academics (possibly more intense sports too) and socially (drugs, alcohol, etc.). Virginia is trying to start a STEM boarding magnet HS in Norfolk as a Governor's school. First class will probably start 2015 ... Something like that could be a different option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No I wouldn't do it. I love my kid and want to parent my own kid.

Who cares about a stupid family tradition.

Or sports for that matter. It's amazing to me that parents would consider cutting short the few precious years they have to live with their child just so their child can play some dumb sport.

So true!

[Anonymous]

Lots of drugs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of drugs and alchohol.

[phone]!

--- Parent of former boarding school student.

No one there has time to care about your son or daughter,
the way you do at home.

[Anonymous]

My dh went to boarding school, and we talk about it sometimes as an option for our kids. I read something which resonated with me, which is that for a kid who fits very well into his/her peers' value system, boarding school is great, because the kid is with peers 24/7. But for a kid who is divergent from the peers in some way - socially, intellectually, whatever - he/she doesn't have any time/place to step away. There is no "time off" from the social dynamics of the class. I could see that for someone like me in HS, that might have been exhausting even though the academics and facilities would have been great.

DH's boarding school's head said that each year a few students are expelled for drug/alcohol offenses, but many more students leave because of mental health issues. That would be my greatest concern - that the pressure could be too much in an environment where I'm not there to help dc manage it and provide support.

[Anonymous]

My DS at 15 really wanted to go to boarding school. DH was against it and I was on the fence, but we ultimately put the kabash on the idea. I'm glad we did. He is a delight and will be gone from us soon enough. I wouldn't trade these last precious years with him at home.

[Anonymous]

I was recruited for a NE boarding school and really, really wanted to go. My parents said no, mostly because my mother was ill, and sent me to a selective public high school. One of the top schools in the region and the country. It was fine but I didn't get to experience being in a space with people who were as smarter, or even smarter than I was and definitely not as driven. Instead I drifted through high school and college and never really applied myself as I could because there was no need.