How much did you spend on your bar/bat mitzvah party?

[Anonymous]

Wait, you want to know how much MY bat mitzvah cost, or how much my childrens' cost?

Mine was on Long Island, NY in 1990. My triplets' was last year in DC.

[Anonymous]

What is the curiousity around how much people spend on this event? Do people ask how much you spent on your wedding?

[Anonymous]

She's not wrong. You pay for a kiddush or oneg which may only be challah and some cookies and soda but the synagogue will charge you $1,000 as a donation. Being an observant Jew is for the wealthy

So wrong. Every synagogue we visited offered a sliding scale on dues. The dues, which are tax deductible, go to support all aspects of the synagogue--the building, the staff, the books, the classes, etc. And you will not be turned away from a synagogue during regular services (Fri night, Sat morning). And for that matter, if you want high holiday tickets and can't afford them you can just call your synagogue of choice and I can almost guarantee you will have tickets. The Jewish religion is open to all and while it may seem to be expensive from an outsiders view, I don't know of any place that would turn away a Jew who wanted worship.

As for the Bar/Bat Mitzvot, yes there is a donation requirement as well as a volunteer requirement. But if you cannot afford to give financially, you can always give in other ways. These big parties are optional.

Also, for those who are still reading this, the Bar/Bat Mitvah represents the child becoming an adult and therefore responsible for the 613 mitzvot--e.g. fasting on Yom Kippur, following the rules of Shabbat and Kashrut, etc... It is really the beginning of his/her life as a Jew, not the celebration of the end of Hebrew school, as so many of us treat it. It is a big deal if you are an observant Jew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to a $250,000 one at the Ritz in Key Biscayne. Was totally blinged out. Her face was even professionally painted on the walls pop style. Lit movie reals with her photo moving in the floral arrangements. Wine bars, martini bars, separate ballroom for kids with club theme.

She will be one screwed up adult. Horrible parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the curiousity around how much people spend on this event? Do people ask how much you spent on your wedding?

You have clearly never read a wedding related message board!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"the pp that said being an observant Jew is only for the wealthy. I've often thought it seems that way, especially as a young adult trying to join a synagogue and being floored by the dues. I now look at it as more of an itemized way of donating or contributing to charity. Catholics tithe, and most religions or religious communities have their own ways of donating or collecting money. Many synagogues "charge" donations for various synagogue or rabinical services (wedding officiating, bris, religious school, etc.) If finances are ever an issue, I know my synagogue would waive fees or make other accommodations in a heartbeat. "

Catholics tithe? Who knew?

T tithe is voluntary
Anyone can walk into a church on easter or any other Sunday and sit where they want. You don't have to buy a ticket to worship like on the Jewish holidays.

Well you are just better than the Jews, aren't you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait, you want to know how much MY bat mitzvah cost, or how much my childrens' cost?

Mine was on Long Island, NY in 1990. My triplets' was last year in DC.

What do you think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the curiousity around how much people spend on this event? Do people ask how much you spent on your wedding?

People are curious and this is an anonymous forum. You came to read the responses which leads me to believe that you must be curious as well. Now let's lay that holier than thou attitude to the side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, you want to know how much MY bat mitzvah cost, or how much my childrens' cost?

Mine was on Long Island, NY in 1990. My triplets' was last year in DC.

What do you think?

Now I sort of want to know both.

[Anonymous]

Bar mitzvahs are expensive. Don't know anyone who had one without all the bells and whistles

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bar mitzvahs are expensive. Don't know anyone who had one without all the bells and whistles

I do. Many people, in fact.

[Anonymous]

I wish people would say what they actually spent. Has anyone done it for $3,000 or less? - With party or no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish people would say what they actually spent. Has anyone done it for $3,000 or less? - With party or no?

You certainly can do something for any amount. In this area I think there’s a lot more variety in how people celebrate than in places like Long Island. It’s not all driven by what people can afford either. Low key is totally fine. Exactly how that translates into a celebration depends on the size of your extended family, how many kids you want to include.

We are spending about 10-12k. We could afford more but think it’s not necessary. We could have spent less and done something smaller also. For 3k, you could do a nice kiddish lunch after services and a later kids party at a fancy bowling alley. You could do a nice lunch just for close family at a relatively nice restaurant with a private room.

Or, have an open house at your home after services with a simple catered kiddish style lunch and some entertainment for the kids (caricaturist, etc) 3k won’t allow for an expensive photographer so that’s the one area where I think 3k gets tough if you want good pics, probably need to spend at least 1000. Invites can be evites, favors are unnecessary or can be really cheap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish people would say what they actually spent. Has anyone done it for $3,000 or less? - With party or no?

When there is a per head cost involved, it's going to depend on the number of people. 20-25 people at your house for a nice catered lunch--sure. 20-25 people at a nice sit down restaurant where you pick up the check for food, wine, and tip---probably not. Kosher food---probably not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"the pp that said being an observant Jew is only for the wealthy. I've often thought it seems that way, especially as a young adult trying to join a synagogue and being floored by the dues. I now look at it as more of an itemized way of donating or contributing to charity. Catholics tithe, and most religions or religious communities have their own ways of donating or collecting money. Many synagogues "charge" donations for various synagogue or rabinical services (wedding officiating, bris, religious school, etc.) If finances are ever an issue, I know my synagogue would waive fees or make other accommodations in a heartbeat. "

Catholics tithe? Who knew?

T tithe is voluntary
Anyone can walk into a church on easter or any other Sunday and sit where they want. You don't have to buy a ticket to worship like on the Jewish holidays.

Not all synagogues require tickets for high holy days - some have alternative services or free guest tickets. And the rationale behind synagogue dues is that Jews were not supposed to handle money at all on the Sabbath, and so paid dues in advance to the synagogue. In comparison, if you go as a guest to a church service, there is a passing of the collection plate, and you can contribute that way. There is no collection plate during the Sabbath or holy day services. Plus regular church goers often make yearly pledges to the church, which is essentially the same as synagogue dues.

As for bar mitzvah, we are just beginning our planning, and hoping to not have to go all out for our DS. We shall see...