How much did you spend on your bar/bat mitzvah party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank God we are not following this really expensive religious event- we are Catholics

Ugh! Shut up! Nobody cares.

Signed,
A muslim

+1 signed, a Catholic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you can do it for even cheaper. Find a cheaper venue (community center), rent it for the evening and get a DJ/MC combo, a catered buffet, not sit-down (taco bar, etc.). Some kind of games for entertainment (skee ball, foosball, basketball games). Printed t-shirts for giveaways at the end. The kids seem to have a wonderful time no matter how fancy or not. My DD's been to about 15 over the past year, all different, all fun. Probably the one constant thing is the DJ/MC and dancing.

You must not be jewish. TACOS? Are you KIDDING? Meat and dairy, hello!

I got the idea from a bar mitzvah that my kid attended -- there was a taco bar. Maybe just cheese and beans and no meat, I don't know, but that's what they had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even if you don't have a party a bar mitzhah is still expensive because you have to serve a lunch to everyone in the temple

doesn't have to be a full-on lunch-- could be some nice catered appetizers, lots of fruit and veggie plates, some cookie trays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OT but if you are very poor and cannot afford a BM party, what happens? Does the community help plan and pay for one?

I assume you have what you can afford? My kid went to a Bar Mitzvah one weekend where they had a kiddush lunch at the temple, and then went to a Farm in Potomac or Gaithersburg or something where there was a zip line, and mini golf, and a giant barbecue and a couple hundred kids, and they got expensive personalized favors. It was lots of fun and he had a good time.

The next weekend he went to a Bar Mitzvah where he went home right after the service. The next day, he went back to the temple and they spent a few hours playing ping pong in the basement of the temple with a handful of boys. For favors they got a little bag with Israeli candy. My kid thought the bazooka bubblegum with the Hebrew comics was incredibly awesome, and had just as much fun as he had the weekend before.

I see it as like a wedding. The important thing is that you have the people you care about there, and that you go through the right of passage, and make memories. If you can afford a massive blow out, then go for it but don't put yourself in debt or feel obligated to do something you can't afford. You can accomplish the same thing in a very low key way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OT but if you are very poor and cannot afford a BM party, what happens? Does the community help plan and pay for one?

I assume you have what you can afford? My kid went to a Bar Mitzvah one weekend where they had a kiddush lunch at the temple, and then went to a Farm in Potomac or Gaithersburg or something where there was a zip line, and mini golf, and a giant barbecue and a couple hundred kids, and they got expensive personalized favors. It was lots of fun and he had a good time.

The next weekend he went to a Bar Mitzvah where he went home right after the service. The next day, he went back to the temple and they spent a few hours playing ping pong in the basement of the temple with a handful of boys. For favors they got a little bag with Israeli candy. My kid thought the bazooka bubblegum with the Hebrew comics was incredibly awesome, and had just as much fun as he had the weekend before.

I see it as like a wedding. The important thing is that you have the people you care about there, and that you go through the right of passage, and make memories. If you can afford a massive blow out, then go for it but don't put yourself in debt or feel obligated to do something you can't afford. You can accomplish the same thing in a very low key way.

This is a very accurate picture. They vary as much as weddings do. And, for the guests (especially kids), bling doesn't necessarily mean better.

To the pp that said being an observant Jew is only for the wealthy. I've often thought it seems that way, especially as a young adult trying to join a synagogue and being floored by the dues. I now look at it as more of an itemized way of donating or contributing to charity. Catholics tithe, and most religions or religious communities have their own ways of donating or collecting money. Many synagogues "charge" donations for various synagogue or rabinical services (wedding officiating, bris, religious school, etc.) If finances are ever an issue, I know my synagogue would waive fees or make other accommodations in a heartbeat.

[Anonymous]

Cheese in a taco is vulgar.

[Anonymous]

"the pp that said being an observant Jew is only for the wealthy. I've often thought it seems that way, especially as a young adult trying to join a synagogue and being floored by the dues. I now look at it as more of an itemized way of donating or contributing to charity. Catholics tithe, and most religions or religious communities have their own ways of donating or collecting money. Many synagogues "charge" donations for various synagogue or rabinical services (wedding officiating, bris, religious school, etc.) If finances are ever an issue, I know my synagogue would waive fees or make other accommodations in a heartbeat. "

Catholics tithe? Who knew?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We spent about $12 or 13k - and we had a smaller than typical party. I agree, it's insane.

You made the choice to participate in (and feed) the insanity. You did not have to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OT but if you are very poor and cannot afford a BM party, what happens? Does the community help plan and pay for one?

My Jewish DH's family is working-class. For his BM the party involved a get-together at his house afterwards with family and a few friends, with some food and soft drinks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Catholics tithe? Who knew?

Please don't try to distract me with this! I'm still worrying about the vulgar tacos with cheese.

[Anonymous]

Agree with some of the PPs -- you do what you can afford, and it's not about one-upping your Jewish friends, and it's not all about the party for anyone half-way observant.

I'm divorced and have no clue how I will pay for or put on my kids' BMs. But they will have them and it will be whatever I think I can afford. Whether it's the service and a small party, or the service, kiddush and a kids' party...who knows.

I've been to every manner of party and the only one that I didn't like was my cousin's -- way too many people, disorganized and cash bar. I mean, just put on a party that you can afford and if you can't invite everyone, oh well.

We do not pay for lunch for the congregation -- just invited guests. Last conservative bat mitzvah we attended, lunch is for the entire congregation. Depends on where you go.

[Anonymous]

I grew up going to extravagant ones and simple ones at people's homes. Nothing is required, other than the service, which is what it is all about. Do what you can afford.

And most of my friends who had big bat mitzvahs didn't get big sweet 16s. So for those bashing the idea of a big bar/bat mitzvah, consider the sweet 16s or other "traditions" that are also held.

[Anonymous]

I went to a $250,000 one at the Ritz in Key Biscayne. Was totally blinged out. Her face was even professionally painted on the walls pop style. Lit movie reals with her photo moving in the floral arrangements. Wine bars, martini bars, separate ballroom for kids with club theme.

[Anonymous]

I wonder how much Sam Horowitz's party cost? Something tells me they served shrimp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"the pp that said being an observant Jew is only for the wealthy. I've often thought it seems that way, especially as a young adult trying to join a synagogue and being floored by the dues. I now look at it as more of an itemized way of donating or contributing to charity. Catholics tithe, and most religions or religious communities have their own ways of donating or collecting money. Many synagogues "charge" donations for various synagogue or rabinical services (wedding officiating, bris, religious school, etc.) If finances are ever an issue, I know my synagogue would waive fees or make other accommodations in a heartbeat. "

Catholics tithe? Who knew?

T tithe is voluntary
Anyone can walk into a church on easter or any other Sunday and sit where they want. You don't have to buy a ticket to worship like on the Jewish holidays.