A new twist on the "SAHM with a nanny" discussion!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have no idea what goes on in her house or her life. She may be the world's greatest mom.

+1000
This is something that DCUM cannot understand. A few facts about someone and they're judge and jury.

Exactly. Maybe her DH works crazy hours and is never home. So she is home alone with kids 24/7. So why not get a nanny? How else would she get things done, have "me" time to recharge? Be involved with older kid's school, for example, which may conflict with a younger sibling's nap schedule, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never pay a stranger to raise my kids. It horrifies me just thinking about it.

Oh please. Stop being so provincial. You do know that nannies, nursemaids, ayas, baboes, governesses, etc. are the DEFAULT in how the rich have raised their precious offspring the world over for centuries, right?

We in the US have a mental block against domestic help. Americans are not comfortable with the concept! Very funny, actually. My husband is the same way. Midwestern middle class background, very awkward initially with our nanny and housekeeper. For some reason, the pool guy and gardener didn't befuddle him so much--maybe because they never came in the house.

I was born in a third world country, and came over as an infant. My family has earned, inherited, and lost, a fortune before immigrating to the US. My mother was raised by a nanny, and then became a housemaid herself when the family's fortune's fell.

So, the concept of domestic help is not alien to me, and I also feel a lot of warmth for the profession.

Americans don't like maids and nannies because y'all feel that the job is somehow demeaning, and having domestic help is "putting on airs" and "getting uppity." Well, it's not. It's an honorable way to make a living, taking care of and loving infants and children. the same person who judges someone for having the means to afford domestic help has no problem ordering around an overworked minimum wage worker in some fast food joint working 3 jobs trying to support a wife a kid. That worker probably has, dollar for earned dollar, a way more financially insecure and exploited life than a private nanny.

I love my nanny. I don't love her more than she loves my kids (which is plenty), but that's the way it should be. I see my kids and want to surround them with as many people who love them as possible. This includes the nanny, grandparents, etc. etc.

As long as this is an anonymous forum, I will just come out and state what I always felt: it's not HEALTHY for a woman whose sole purpose is to stay at home and not do anything else. It would be different if the husband also stayed at home, then you are just people of leisure and you have company. But this weird ideal that is imposed on American women that you should shoulder ALL of the childrearing and housekeeping while your husband works 80 hours a week and travels all the time is imbalanced.

Wonderfully said on all counts.

Yes, of course. We should all have our children cared for by brown subalterns while we work hobby jobs at "the Embassy" and prepare our "legacy drawers." Global lifestyle arbitrage, baby, it's the new gentrification!!![/quote]

asshole

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never pay a stranger to raise my kids. It horrifies me just thinking about it.

You don't pay them to raise your children. You pay them to direct, entertain, and teach them for a portion of the day. And if they aren't already in school for much of the day being taught by a "stranger," then much of their time with the "stranger" "raising" them happens while they are napping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have no idea what goes on in her house or her life. She may be the world's greatest mom.

+1000
This is something that DCUM cannot understand. A few facts about someone and they're judge and jury.

Exactly. Maybe her DH works crazy hours and is never home. So she is home alone with kids 24/7. So why not get a nanny? How else would she get things done, have "me" time to recharge? Be involved with older kid's school, for example, which may conflict with a younger sibling's nap schedule, etc.

Even if she doesn't have all of this to deal with, what's the big deal about having a little help? Being the sole caregiver to a child is wonderful but also very unrelenting at times. If you can afford a nanny to help you cook, clean or watch the child so you can run errands or go to the gym while he/she sleeps, why not? Many people who don't have nannies assume a SAHM must be "lunching" or shopping while the nanny raises the child. Many of us SAHM's view it as an extra set of hands to make life more simple, to allow us more quality time with our little ones, and to allow us short breaks once in a while for "me" time. I personally have 1 infant and a 2x/week nanny and I don't feel guilty for one second about it. I dictate everything in our household-nap schedule, feeding, playgroup - but I have someone who helps me the same way my mom might if she lived closer. It's not a necessity, but it's really nice to have a bit of flexibility and me time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never pay a stranger to raise my kids. It horrifies me just thinking about it.

Oh please. Stop being so provincial. You do know that nannies, nursemaids, ayas, baboes, governesses, etc. are the DEFAULT in how the rich have raised their precious offspring the world over for centuries, right?

We in the US have a mental block against domestic help. Americans are not comfortable with the concept! Very funny, actually. My husband is the same way. Midwestern middle class background, very awkward initially with our nanny and housekeeper. For some reason, the pool guy and gardener didn't befuddle him so much--maybe because they never came in the house.

I was born in a third world country, and came over as an infant. My family has earned, inherited, and lost, a fortune before immigrating to the US. My mother was raised by a nanny, and then became a housemaid herself when the family's fortune's fell.

So, the concept of domestic help is not alien to me, and I also feel a lot of warmth for the profession.

Americans don't like maids and nannies because y'all feel that the job is somehow demeaning, and having domestic help is "putting on airs" and "getting uppity." Well, it's not. It's an honorable way to make a living, taking care of and loving infants and children. the same person who judges someone for having the means to afford domestic help has no problem ordering around an overworked minimum wage worker in some fast food joint working 3 jobs trying to support a wife a kid. That worker probably has, dollar for earned dollar, a way more financially insecure and exploited life than a private nanny.

I love my nanny. I don't love her more than she loves my kids (which is plenty), but that's the way it should be. I see my kids and want to surround them with as many people who love them as possible. This includes the nanny, grandparents, etc. etc.

As long as this is an anonymous forum, I will just come out and state what I always felt: it's not HEALTHY for a woman whose sole purpose is to stay at home and not do anything else. It would be different if the husband also stayed at home, then you are just people of leisure and you have company. But this weird ideal that is imposed on American women that you should shoulder ALL of the childrearing and housekeeping while your husband works 80 hours a week and travels all the time is imbalanced.

I agree very much with the above in bold! Well said.

+100

[Anonymous]

Op I have two questions for you:
1 what country are you in?
2 do they accept refugees?

[Anonymous]

My MIL has a maid, a cook and the creme de la creme of all domestic help, a laundress (who also irons everything). She is in a major city of Western Europe, the labor s cheap but social services are strong so the DM has free health care, etc paid for by the country.

I have friends in India, Morocco, and Dubai who all have drivers, nannies/nurses, cooks and maids. A friend who lived in Hong Kong hired a housekeeper, one that would live with them during week days. In her contract, the company had a "headache" clause, which is for when the wife has a headache, the husband could demand sexfrom the housekeeper. Needless to say, my friend and her Husband struck out that clause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really don't understand why sahms need a nanny.

Signed
Wah/sahm

They don't. Kind of like the myriad of other things we don't need but spend our money on. What's wrong with that?

[Anonymous]

I used to live in a south Asian country & have many friends who still do. Both my local & ex pat friends have drivers, gardeners, guards, housekeepers & nanny. Sometimes housekeep & nanny are the same person, sometimes not. Of course I would love to move back!!!

[Anonymous]

My SIL, a SAHM, has 3 nannies. As soon as one clocks off, another one clocks in. Whenever she tells she's tired, I'm like, yeah, right...

[Anonymous]

I think OP has it right...every other day someone is in DCUM crying about being overwhelmed by children and/or household duties. Either that, or how DH doesn't help enough and how much of a strain it puts on your relationship. I am not an SAHM but if I could be in OP's shoes, I would have help for organizing, laundry, errands (grocery stores, dry cleaners)...in turn, I would spend more time with our kids doing art and really building up our veggie garden. It would mean more creativity and better health. Occasionally, the help could watch one child while another gets individual attention (really an issue in our house now that we are working on reading with #1,who gets interrupted by a toddler and an infant). Moreover, I could nurture my marriage better and actually have a date night! I am sorry, but OP got it right with this one.

[Anonymous]

Hobby job, heh heh heh. That is exactly what those embassy jobs are. I know because I've done them.

[Anonymous]

I have a high level job at a local sub of a huge south Asian co. My foreign coworkers tell me if I had the equivalent job in their country I'd have a nanny, a cook, a gardener, and a driver. Sounds good to me! As it is I'm on mat leave with my 7 month old (Canada) and my house is never as tidy as I want it to be, I seldom look as great as I want and it's a huge production just to go out for a pedicure (coordinating with dh so he could watch her).

[Anonymous]

Someone's already asked this, but got no answer, so I'd like to repeat.
WTF is a 'legacy drawer'??
Anyone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone's already asked this, but got no answer, so I'd like to repeat.
WTF is a 'legacy drawer'??
Anyone?

Here you go
http://www.cbn.com/finance/ramsey112409.aspx