I'm a foster parent - Ask me Anything

[Anonymous]

How long does it take you to feel "used to" and comfortable with a new child? How long until you no longer feel like they are a guest?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long does it take you to feel "used to" and comfortable with a new child? How long until you no longer feel like they are a guest?

It's different with each kid. Some kids are better at making themselves at home than others. Some don't want to be parented by anyone other than their parents so when we're going down the line kissing each kid good night they give off body language that they don't want that, etc. Could be two days, could be never.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever felt threatened by any of your foster children? I've thought about fostering, but we have small children and I worry that some children coming from a very disturbed environment could act out in a violent way.

We only take kids younger than our own, and only began after our kids could talk. I have definitely slept with one eye open with some kids. There are three times when I get very nervous with foster children - one is right when they're about to arrive, one is when whoever has brought them has left and one is right before I open the bedroom door in the morning. DH and I are pretty good at hustling the kids along throughout the day, asking closed-choice questions, and keeping control. We don't have 17 year old 6 foot angry man-boys raging here.

I was going to ask this question as well, because my MIL's house was destroyed from top to bottom by a teenage foster child. Very sad situation.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you mind telling us a couple stories of kids that particularly impressed you? They don't have to be "horror" stories, just te ones that made a lasting impression on you. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Were there ever any foster kids that you wanted to or tried to adopt?

[Anonymous]

Have you adopted any of your foster children? If not, is that because none have become available, or because it's not something you decided to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you adopted any of your foster children? If not, is that because none have become available, or because it's not something you decided to do?

We have not. It's not something DH and I want to pursue right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you mind telling us a couple stories of kids that particularly impressed you? They don't have to be "horror" stories, just te ones that made a lasting impression on you. Thanks.

You know, kids are pretty easy to fall in love with. They each win my heart in one way or another. We fostered one girl who didn't like to be touched. Each night I would ask if she'd like a kiss goodnight and she'd say no. One night after a very trying day I had a headache, was tired, and just didn't ask. She yelled to me to come back and asked why I didn't ask. I said she always said no, and she said she knew, but she still liked being asked. So I asked her if she wanted a kiss good night and she said, "No of course not. But try again tomorrow." We realized that asking was giving for her, and she just wanted to know somebody was willing.

We buy Cottonelle double-ply toilet paper. One boy was so impressed by it that he asked to bring a roll to his family visit, and always reminded us to buy it when we were at the supermarket. When he was moving out I packed two rolls of it in his bag to take with him.

We had a girl who had fallen through the cracks for years come to stay with us. She was supposed to be in 2nd grade. The school tested her and said basically, she wasn't quite kindergarten level. DH and I went over the test results with her. She cried saying "How will I ever be a person?" and it broke our hearts. So we told her we'd help if she wanted, and every day after school we spent two to three hours trying to teach her all the skills she needed.

[Anonymous]

God bless you for taking care of these children!

Even though you do not want to adopt, I am guessing it must be very difficult to say goodbye to the children, particularly those with whom you really bond. How do you deal with that? Do you keep in touch?

[Anonymous]

PP here - also, could a couple be foster parents if they both work full time? (My guess is no?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:God bless you for taking care of these children!

Even though you do not want to adopt, I am guessing it must be very difficult to say goodbye to the children, particularly those with whom you really bond. How do you deal with that? Do you keep in touch?

Well generally we are happy for them to go because it's (hopefullly) to a permanent place. To a relative who has stepped up, to a parent who has jumped through hoops to get their child back, etc. We want the kids to have a stable life. But it's still a big adjustment when a child leaves, and we all mope around for a day or two, sometimes longer. We don't really keep in touch because that doesn't encourage them to bond with whatever family they've moved on to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God bless you for taking care of these children!

Even though you do not want to adopt, I am guessing it must be very difficult to say goodbye to the children, particularly those with whom you really bond. How do you deal with that? Do you keep in touch?

Well generally we are happy for them to go because it's (hopefullly) to a permanent place. To a relative who has stepped up, to a parent who has jumped through hoops to get their child back, etc. We want the kids to have a stable life. But it's still a big adjustment when a child leaves, and we all mope around for a day or two, sometimes longer. We don't really keep in touch because that doesn't encourage them to bond with whatever family they've moved on to.

Kids who have been in foster care always talk about being moved around a lot, sometimes seemingly for no reason. Do the social workers tell you where the kids are going? Have you ever had one moved for reason other than family unification or your request and do you know what that reason was?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God bless you for taking care of these children!

Even though you do not want to adopt, I am guessing it must be very difficult to say goodbye to the children, particularly those with whom you really bond. How do you deal with that? Do you keep in touch?

Well generally we are happy for them to go because it's (hopefullly) to a permanent place. To a relative who has stepped up, to a parent who has jumped through hoops to get their child back, etc. We want the kids to have a stable life. But it's still a big adjustment when a child leaves, and we all mope around for a day or two, sometimes longer. We don't really keep in touch because that doesn't encourage them to bond with whatever family they've moved on to.

Kids who have been in foster care always talk about being moved around a lot, sometimes seemingly for no reason. Do the social workers tell you where the kids are going? Have you ever had one moved for reason other than family unification or your request and do you know what that reason was?

Generally we are told "Larla's aunt has agreed to take her so we'll pick her up after school tomorrow." We aren't given the exact address or anything. Sometimes they're moved because a bed opens in a home where their sibling is, or in a home better equipped to help with their specific problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much money are you paid?

First, I just want to make sure you know it's offensive to phrase it like that.
.

Well, tell us

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much money are you paid?

First, I just want to make sure you know it's offensive to phrase it like that.
.

Well, tell us

She provided a link with this info. What more do you need?