What is a fair contribution from Fiance living in my house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not ask him to pay 50/50? I assume if you're engaged and living together that you should feel comfortable to ask him and he should be willing to pay his share. If not, than take it as a red flag.

Sorta sounds like he's a mooch with bare minimal contributions and you sound like you're a doormat b/c you haven't said anything for 4 years and you feel "guilty" about asking him.

I have asked and he says that he is not there to support me and kids that are not his, and that he should not have to pay rent like a tenant, but doesn't want to split things like an engaged couple. Not sure if bills should be added up and divided by 4 or figure who uses how much and what. He says "why should he split electric for a pool pump that he doesn't use" etc. Just want to figure out what is fair and agreeable for everyone.

This makes it clear he's a user. Please get rid of him before you waste any more of your and your children's time. They deserve better. You do too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your post makes me so, so sad. Of course he shouldn't be paying your lawyer bills or buying your kids iPads, but I cannot imagine a good guy who is committed to your family standing by watching while you struggle to make your mortgage payment and still insisting on splitting dinner.

I generally agree with everyone else on this thread that you need to cut him loose because he's clearly not on the same page as you, but before going there, does he know how thin you're stretched? If he knows and still behaves this way, he'd come home to his stuff on the lawn with a note saying "Enjoy life at your mom's house!" But the fact that you are not young people and have been together a while indicates to me that he's just not a good partner. Cut him loose. You already have two kids. Why would you want to add a third?

He does know, a few months ago I asked if he could pick up the electric bill just one time to help me catch up, when I had a lot of unexpected expenses hit me at one time (car repair, lawyer & doctor fees). He said if he did it once then it would be expected and went through all of my bills and incoming money and felt I should be fine.

Omg please this is horrible. He went through your finances to prove to you why he shouldn't help with one effing bill? Get rid of this asshole. I'm so sorry.

[Anonymous]

My boyfriends immediate take on this was, "he's not making as much money as he claims he is. Either that or he is a cheapskate." Neither is acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe we are on page three of the comments and you are still together. Are you not listening to us?

DUMP HIM NOW!
before we get to page 4.

Lol, but +1

He sounds like a little spoiled brat as a pp said. Get rid of him. Even if he agreed to split bills with you, he would be resentful and bitch about it. What are you getting out of this relationship?

I love him and if I end it over money, then I am exactly what he says "Just with him for what he can do for me" Would 1/4 of the bills be fair or does it go more by the income of each partner? I know if it were the other way around, this would not have worked for him, me giving very little and banking thousands each month. I said to get a house together but still is 3 of me and 1 of him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not ask him to pay 50/50? I assume if you're engaged and living together that you should feel comfortable to ask him and he should be willing to pay his share. If not, than take it as a red flag.

Sorta sounds like he's a mooch with bare minimal contributions and you sound like you're a doormat b/c you haven't said anything for 4 years and you feel "guilty" about asking him.

I have asked and he says that he is not there to support me and kids that are not his, and that he should not have to pay rent like a tenant, but doesn't want to split things like an engaged couple. Not sure if bills should be added up and divided by 4 or figure who uses how much and what. He says "why should he split electric for a pool pump that he doesn't use" etc. Just want to figure out what is fair and agreeable for everyone.

He sounds like a mofo. You should dump him, and them move into a house you can afford to maintain by yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriends immediate take on this was, "he's not making as much money as he claims he is. Either that or he is a cheapskate." Neither is acceptable.

He absolutely is making that much, I saw. It was absurd of me to ask to be beneficiary just in case something happened, he will leave it to his niece, but right now no name so bank would get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe we are on page three of the comments and you are still together. Are you not listening to us?

DUMP HIM NOW!
before we get to page 4.

Lol, but +1

He sounds like a little spoiled brat as a pp said. Get rid of him. Even if he agreed to split bills with you, he would be resentful and bitch about it. What are you getting out of this relationship?

I love him and if I end it over money, then I am exactly what he says "Just with him for what he can do for me" Would 1/4 of the bills be fair or does it go more by the income of each partner? I know if it were the other way around, this would not have worked for him, me giving very little and banking thousands each month. I said to get a house together but still is 3 of me and 1 of him.

You wouldn't be dumping him over money, you'd be dumping him because he is an asshole who is greedy and stingy with his money and emotions. He will never be there for you the way you need him. What if you get cancer or need surgery with a long recovery time? Can you count on him to help you emotionally, physically and financially? It doesn't sound like it.

[Anonymous]

This arrangement is soo wrong on every conceivable level. You are being USED, big time.

Is this guy really, really good in bed? How could he talk you into this arrangement? What would you advise your adult kids in the same situation?

[Anonymous]

This man does NOT NOT NOT have your best interests or your children's best interests in mind. Why are you with him? Why do you love this man? Why do you want to subject your children to him? Do you think that the way he is acting serves as a good role model for your kids?

When DCUM is as unanimous as this, you must listen. DUMP HIM. Get him out of your life. He is causing you and your poor babies more stress than you would be if you were on your own.

If you don't dump him your your sake, dump him for the sake of your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since you own the house, he should pay what he would have to pay to rent the place, and half the utilities and half food. Renting a one bedroom in a group house is anywhere from 1000 to 1500.

This!, enough said OP. If he doesn't like it, he can move out. sheesh. 4 years of this shit?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe we are on page three of the comments and you are still together. Are you not listening to us?

DUMP HIM NOW!
before we get to page 4.

Lol, but +1

He sounds like a little spoiled brat as a pp said. Get rid of him. Even if he agreed to split bills with you, he would be resentful and bitch about it. What are you getting out of this relationship?

I love him and if I end it over money, then I am exactly what he says "Just with him for what he can do for me" Would 1/4 of the bills be fair or does it go more by the income of each partner? I know if it were the other way around, this would not have worked for him, me giving very little and banking thousands each month. I said to get a house together but still is 3 of me and 1 of him.

You wouldn't be dumping him over money. You'd be dumping him for (take your pick):
a. He's being utterly disrespectful.
b. He's showing his true colors where he comes first, everyone else second.
c. He's treating your children like debits instead of assets.
d. He's controlling you.
e. All of the above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is living with you because it is convenient and beneficial for him, and not because he wants to join your family unit.
At this point he doesn't even see himself as a true member of your household. "They are not his kids and this is my house"...really?? Will he still feel this way when you get married?

Well, and I would suggest, OP, that he has no plans on actually marrying you.

This is possible too. OP how long have you been engaged? Do you have a wedding date set?

We have been engaged for about a year and 10 months, he was reluctant, my diamond is fake because I wanted to show that I am not about the money, there is no date, because I will lose alimony and I'm scared of then being worse off then it is now.

[Anonymous]

Sabrina55 wrote: He feels that since they are not his kids and this is my house, that the amount he gives now is too much,

And this is the man you want to spend your life with OP?. A person drawing a clear line between you before you even get married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is living with you because it is convenient and beneficial for him, and not because he wants to join your family unit.
At this point he doesn't even see himself as a true member of your household. "They are not his kids and this is my house"...really?? Will he still feel this way when you get married?

Well, and I would suggest, OP, that he has no plans on actually marrying you.

This is possible too. OP how long have you been engaged? Do you have a wedding date set?

We have been engaged for about a year and 10 months, he was reluctant, my diamond is fake because I wanted to show that I am not about the money, there is no date, because I will lose alimony and I'm scared of then being worse off then it is now.

Jesus I hope this is fake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is living with you because it is convenient and beneficial for him, and not because he wants to join your family unit.
At this point he doesn't even see himself as a true member of your household. "They are not his kids and this is my house"...really?? Will he still feel this way when you get married?

Well, and I would suggest, OP, that he has no plans on actually marrying you.

This is possible too. OP how long have you been engaged? Do you have a wedding date set?

We have been engaged for about a year and 10 months, he was reluctant, my diamond is fake because I wanted to show that I am not about the money, there is no date, because I will lose alimony and I'm scared of then being worse off then it is now.

Not to be be an ass, but DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN AND LOSE ALIMONY. Take what is a sure thing and do not put yourself at this man's mercy. What you will be doing by marrying him is saying, "I trust you. I trust that you will have my best interests at heart. I trust that you will do right by me. I trust that you will protect me, both physically and emotionally. I trust that you will do all of that for my kids. I trust you so much that I will voluntarily forego what is already coming to me financially."

Can you say all of that OP? I don't believe you can. Please don't do this.