How much do you encourage kids to "fit in"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure why so many people think this is a special needs kid. There are simply some parents that don't care whether their child fits into society and do nothing much to help them or even encourage their odd behavior because it pleases the child. Just watch TV.

Op here - this is what I was thinking. Is it necessary that every odd kid has a medical issue these days? Frankly if this kid or any kid is on the spectrum, his parents should be talking about it so that people realize their kid isn't just weird and it isn't a parenting issue. Otherwise the rest of society - except dcum which is apparently pro aspergers - concludes this is a strange kid they don't want to interact with. Yes - there is an overbearing mother who can't possibly be helping by imparting her dorkiness on him, planning every aspect of his life from the next meal to grad school, and frankly discouraging him to hang out with his dad who fits into the world and understands the world better than mother and son. Whatever - don't care what this kids issue is but was surprised by his behavior.

Wow, just wow. "Pro-aspergers"? So there's an "anti-Aspergers?" Are you anti-aspergers? What other disabilities do you hold against people?

It appears that most people would recognize the situation, just read this thread. You seem to be in the minority of the clueless.

As the mother of a child with AS I can tell you that, yes, we are more involved in our children's lives. We are more involved because we have to be, not because we want to be. That isn't because we are overbearing, its because our kids need a lot more for a lot longer. I don't expect you to understand because you are anti-Aspergers. I post this in case there are other people who are open to understanding.

I know you are trying to make this mom look bad but every time you post, you are the one who looks bad. Her, I have sympathy for, especially because she has to put up with someone as cold-hearted as you. You may not know this because you know so little, but AS is hereditary and its possible that the mom either has it or has shadow characteristics. Calling her dorky only makes you look like a jerk.

The sole heartening thing about this thread is how many folks out there get it. As the mother of a teen with AS, it really makes me feel good to read so many of you who ARE understanding. Thanks for having our backs.

[Anonymous]

OP,

I kind of had a similar experience when I met the son of a woman I know. My kid is SN, not ASD but we know many families with kids who are autistic.

My first thought when I met this kid was that he was on the spectrum. Later I asked a mutual friend about it. She told me that his parents have suspected for a long time that "something is going on," but never had him tested for anything.

They basically let him play videos in his room all alone for hours on end. I feel bad for him. Even if this child is NT, there are still interventions that could help him.

Most parents I know with SN kids move heaven and earth to help their kids. Some, unfortunately, live in denial. There really is nothing you can do to help this kid b/c if his parents are in denial, anything you say will fall on deaf ears.

[Anonymous]

Not every kid who is a computer geek, wears nerds clothes, won't communicate with anyone and doesn't zip his pants is SN! You just described my very BORING but very non-SN cousin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

I kind of had a similar experience when I met the son of a woman I know. My kid is SN, not ASD but we know many families with kids who are autistic.

My first thought when I met this kid was that he was on the spectrum. Later I asked a mutual friend about it. She told me that his parents have suspected for a long time that "something is going on," but never had him tested for anything.

They basically let him play videos in his room all alone for hours on end. I feel bad for him. Even if this child is NT, there are still interventions that could help him.

Most parents I know with SN kids move heaven and earth to help their kids. Some, unfortunately, live in denial. There really is nothing you can do to help this kid b/c if his parents are in denial, anything you say will fall on deaf ears.

OP, we get it. You are a great, all-wise, all-knowing parent. You are the best Mom EVAH! Your hosts suck as parents.

[Anonymous]

Hey, what if he is just odd? Still not sure why this is such a high-level concern for you.

I'm much less comfortable with teens who have been OVER-socialized by their parents and expect they can speak to me as a peer (complete with the attitude they give each other).

[Anonymous]

What does SN/ASD mean? It seems to me if it walks like a duck, flies like a duck, quacks like a duck, it may be a duck. If a child can not read the social cues, can not look others in the eyes, does not notice things in the environment, then the child is probably on the spectrum, or should at least be evaluated. They might not be just weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Oh, and since you are ignorant I will explain. No, they can't GET how other teens act. They cannot read nonverbal cues. Its like everyone is speaking another language. And basic mimicry is very difficult as well, for the same reason.

But really, you're not worth explaining this to because you'll just find another reason to show contempt toward something this family can't control.

Was going to post until I read this. Think you captured it pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know this child isn't on the spectrum or otherwise dealing with social defecits that are inherent and not the fault of his parenting?

If I am close enough with someone that they'd invite me into their home to stay for a weekend I would assume we are close enough for them to tell me if their child has autism.

Really? I don't think so. Particularly since you are judgmental.

Are you a friend, or family?

[Anonymous]

Different PP. Unless someone tells me their child has a particular issue, I would assume they don't or at least assume they don't want any special treatment. And yes, if I were friends with a family for a long time, I would expect they'd be honest about it. Otherwise why be a friend if they can't even admit about one of the most important part of their lives?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Different PP. Unless someone tells me their child has a particular issue, I would assume they don't or at least assume they don't want any special treatment. And yes, if I were friends with a family for a long time, I would expect they'd be honest about it. Otherwise why be a friend if they can't even admit about one of the most important part of their lives?

Because OP has does nothing but trash this child and his mother, so why would she trust her with this information? As a parent of a child with an ASD, I have absolutely no responsibility to tell you anything. It is not an "admission" and there's nothing to indicate this mother asked for special treatment for her child.

Another way to put it "why be a friend" if they feel like they are entitled to my child's personal medical information.

[Anonymous]

Why would a family invite them for a weekend if they didn't like her? If I'm going to spend time just with one other family for the weekend and might be responsible for a child during part of it or expected that I will encourage my child to hang out with theirs, I do want to know about any major issues, allergies, etc. You may have no responsibility telling people, but that doesn't make them treat your ASD child any better. If anything, from my observations it makes them treat him/her worse. The obvious down syndrome children seem to have few issues with others that I've seen, but it's the children with issues kept hidden that I hear people blaming the parents about.

[Anonymous]

Oh stop, you're just curious and are trying to justify your intrusiveness.

OP doesn't say anything about the circumstances. Maybe the husbands are friends. Maybe they are in-laws. Maybe the weekend involved a larger group. I wouldn't assume these two women are friends, they sure don't seem like it.

[Anonymous]

SN- Special Needs, ASD- Autism Spectrum Disorder

I generally try to meet people where they are. It doesn't really matter if the child is on the spectrum and his parents have tried and been able to bring him up a few points OR that he is where he is because of environment OR somewhere in between. He is where he is. If you are concerned for him and want to help, you can be a positive factor in his life and help him move forward. But you have to meet him where he is and that may mean going to an activity that he likes the first few times.

However, if your post was more of a rant and another version of 'blame the mother', then I have no advice.